She died in my arms about 8 years ago… for whatever reason, decided 26 years prior to take in a 15 year old kid and start a relationship. She, 27, I was 15.

The seeds were planted. So many thorns disguised as roses. So many issues have implanted themselves over the years, the roots run deep.

In my typical half-assed attempts, sought help from a therapist. I was diagnosed with mixed anxiety and depression disorder, or MADD… oh the irony.

Past pains and pressures can hurt at the time, but truly pain is temporary.

I’m tired… tired of being tired. Time to take the positives and good things and run with them. I am my own worst enemy sometimes. I am a self proclaimed self hurdle. I end up sabotaging my own progress.

It’s time to wake up. Even though life on the outside seems to be great, there are things that most are not aware of. Until you walk a mile in one’s shoes…

I’m not perfect, and I am a work in progress, but life is good. The realization of my abuse was the first step. Finding and asking for help was also a step towards the right direction.

When she died, I also died. Slowly I awaken, lost. A rebirth would be a way to better describe it. Where do I go from there. Essentially I started over.

Got to bury it, but bury it for good. It has consumed me… my mind, my body, and has tainted my soul.

I for sure am not your typical guy. I also find it very easy to disconnect or stay disconnected when I feel I need to.