I was going to meet a poet for drinks at 5:00 so I ran some errands on the other side of town. I was early, she was late. I wrote this while I was waiting. Later we drank cheap red and made out, leaning on the hood of a ’55 Chevy .
Life is Too Short For This
Over the years, I’ve struggled to not run a litany of judgments through my mind about that couple and their kids. Until a month ago, I’d never said a single word to any of them. Then the wife turned to me, as I was working on a blog post, and said “Aren’t you that guy who goes to that Buddhist place?”
My Life in Fast Food
I love fast food. I’m clearly not alone in this — it is, after all, a multi-billion-dollar industry. There are a lot of things that have made it such a successful business: the price, the convenience and, of course, the flavor. All of those things work on me just as much as anyone else, but […]
Oh, To Be A Drunk Methuselah
As the sock was pulled along her leg and past her ankle, a fine cloud of dry skin, speckled with larger flakes, sprung into the air. Breathing solely through my mouth had solved the foot funk problem, but it backfired when it came to flying skin. I felt a large flake fly past my uvula and stick to the back of my throat. Death snuck in under cover of old lady skin.
The Most Amazing Hair Dryer in the World
I was mindlessly drying my hair, when to my utter amazement, my hair dryer exploded in my hand. Well, technically, it didn’t explode…it merely started crackling and shooting eight inch flames from the back of it. My immediate reaction was to drop it in the sink (which fortunately happened to be empty) and watch its […]
The Love Truck
A mom comes to love an ugly, junk-filled 1989 Chevy Durango pick-up truck when she discovers that sometimes looks really don’t matter. It’s the personality that counts.
The Pig Whisperer
As I sat feeding Billy the kid his last bottle of the day, I was reminded of my old friend, Pig. See, Pig was a piglet that one of my friends found wandering out on Interstate 29, so of course she picked him up and took him home. She named him Bacon (she was also very resourceful).
Retirement Plans
While other writers have been talking of clutter in these pages, I’m ever-so-slowly getting rid of everything. Giving it away mostly. I’ve been shrinking into smaller places for the last ten years, since my marriage broke up.
The Tree Whisperer
I envisioned this tree while I was in the hospital in labour with my daughter. It was a Technicolor trip aided by a good ol’ snort of nitrous oxide (Woo Hoo!), which left me convinced that I had, without a doubt, graduated from Tree Hugger to Tree Whisperer.
Little Pig Burns House Down, Blames Wolf: Drastic Thoughts About Clutter
It sounds crazy, but I really hope my house burns down. I honestly believe that if I lost all of my worldly possessions in a fire, I would be able to escape this house, the clutter and particular memories these boxes of crap represent. I half expect the producers of the show Hoarders to knock […]
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