Make Sure You Come Over With an Empty Stomach!

Living in the multicultural society that we do, I am sure many of you have friends who are from India. Maybe most you already know about what I am going to explain in the next few paragraphs, but I feel it is compulsory to let those of you who don’t know that there are a couple of serious rules you need to be aware of if you are by chance invited to an Indian home for dinner. The following advice could save you from potential embarrassment and the risk of never being invited again!

1. DO NOT BRING ANYTHING!

No that is not a typo; the caps are there for a purpose. I cannot stress how important it is for you and your family not to bring over food, beer or a bottle of wine.  To accept any food or drink would show weakness — that you really cannot afford to provide for your guests, which is one of the greatest insults my parents’ generation could endure.

Mom: (To my Dad): Can you believe that the Sangha family brought over Gulab Jamuns (Indian desert) as a desert for our party? The nerve!

Dad: I will tell you why they did: the last time we had a party the wife didn’t like it that we served non-Indian deserts. This was her way of telling us that we cannot afford to feed them and have lost touch with our heritage!

Mom: That is it. We must have another party immediately, and this time I will cook up all the Indian deserts to ensure this never happens again. Did you see how everyone was watching her carrying the box of Gulab Jamuns into the kitchen? How insulting!

Dad: (Puts his hands to his ears) I DON’T WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT ANYMORE!

Bringing food to someone’s house is a very foreign concept for most people of Indian descent. I am sure all of you have heard about or participated in a potluck event. Well, the first time I even heard the word ‘potluck’ was last weekend when the invitation for my hockey team’s year end party arrived in my email inbox.

Me: Baljeet (my wife), I got an email from our captain outlining the details about the year end team party. He said it is a potluck event and that we should bring whatever we want.

Baljeet: What is a potluck?

Me: Well, I don’t know. So I did a search and this is what came up: A potluck is a gathering of people where each person or group of people contributes pots and pans and trade them.

Baljeet: You mean we have to bring something?

Me: Apparently. And then share it.

Baljeet: What kind of people do you hang out with?

Me: I’m not really sure anymore.

Baljeet: Well, I will cook up something for their party. We have to respect their invitation and customs. But don’t be getting any ideas. If we have people coming over to our house they are NOT allowed to bring anything. Understood?

Me: Yes, dear.

You see, my whole life I went to Indian dinner parties for the free food. Heck, I didn’t even consider it free, it was my RIGHT to eat whatever I wanted. My Father told me that when I was a kid I embarrassed him and Mom on a few occasions by going straight to our host’s fridge and helping myself!

2. MAKE SURE YOU HAVE NOT EATEN ANYTHING FOR AT LEAST THREE DAYS!

Seriously, don’t eat anything because the amount of food you will eat when you come over to our place will equal your entire week’s grocery bill. And you have to eat everything put in front of you! If you don’t, your host will believe that the food is not good enough and you do not want to eat it anymore. Apparently, people from India never have full stomachs and only do not eat if they do not like the food.

During university, my friend Chris needed a place to stay for a couple of weeks while he was in-between moves. So my Mom invited him to stay with us. (She gleefully saw this as an opportunity of having another mouth to feed.)

The first night he was over, my sister, Laken, had a few of her friends over for some Indian cuisine prepared by my mom. Around 6pm, Mom had served all of us Samosas, Pakoras and Sholays (cooked chic peas). My friend Chris must have had about six samosas, three plates of pakoras along with the sholays. Around 7:30pm, he walked over to my Mom.

Chris: Mrs. Randhawa, thank you so much for all the great food. I can’t remember the last time I ate so well.

Mom: Thank you, Chris. I am glad you enjoyed it. Now put that dirty plate in the sink and grab a new one — I will be serving dinner in a few minutes. Hope you like Tandoori chicken and Naan!

Chris: (face has turned green) Umm…but….you see… I thought……..

Mom: Yes, Chris? You have something to say after I spent the whole day preparing the meal for tonight?

Chris: Ummm… errr…noooo….but…you seee….I…..ummm…sounds good!

At this point my sister and I were in near hysterics. You see, I knew this would happen (I have many years of experience with Indian dinner parties and their eighteen course meals). Every time Chris grabbed a Samosa my sister and I would laugh. And bless his heart, the poor guy actually kept eating during dinner. And at the end of the night he was in the washroom rubbing moisturizer on his stomach!

So there are a couple of tips when you come over. Honestly, I am not sure how this whole tradition of feeding people until they throw up or being insulted if someone brings dish to a party started — most likely before the dawn of time. Anyway, don’t stress about it too much and be sure to relax and eat as much as you want because you really do not have much of a choice!

Recent Jeff Randhawa Articles:

• Thoughts From the Waiting Room
• Being Socially Awkward in the New Brave World
• The Lay Off
• The Sick Day
• Tera Mera Ki Rishta (What is Our Relationship?)