I dislike the expression “It is what it is” but find myself falling back on it when I have nothing else to contribute to a conversation. I use it at home, at work, at play, when it’s clear there’s nothing else to say or when I don’t care to elaborate on a subject.
“My kid’s sick, I won’t be coming to work today… It is what it is.”
“I was in a car accident, dinner will be late… It is what it is.”
C’est la vie sounds better, seems good humoured, implies a certain open-armed abandon like Tony Soprano’s ‘Whatcha gonnna do?’ whereas there’s an implicit finality to ‘It is what it is.’ Full stop. End of subject. Yet some find the expression mildly profound and will often chime in: “Yes, it IS what it is, how true, how true… “
As much as I dislike it, it can be a great little standby for moments that quite clearly call for something stronger but I just can’t be bothered with a confrontation. “It is what it is (Mind Your Own Business).” “It is what it is (Bite me).”
Lately I’ve been having trouble sleeping. (No wonder,eh?) They say you shouldn’t go to bed despondent. That you should resolve what’s distressing you before retiring for the evening. If you can’t sleep, you should just get up and clean the house, go ahead and bake a cake, clean out your closet. (Who are ‘they,’ anyway?) This is impractical. It would cause too much upheaval and wake everyone else in the house. We have to be at work and school in the morning, have to get up and do it all over again five days a week. Partly why I can’t sleep, I guess.
I try to reign in the heebie jeebies, the 3:00 am shoulda-woulda-couldas, but get so worked up by my thoughts in the wee hours that I start believing them. I toss and turn, envisioning So-‘n-So, who ticked me off during the day, sleeping like a baby.
Eventually I do fall asleep. And by morning, the Brain Trolls, the issues that seemed so monstrous, so dire in the wee hours — The Mortgage, The Rotting Fence, the nagging buzzing of Unfinished Business — have all gone back under the bridge.
Some of the wackier nocturnal ideas I’ve had could easily be caused by mismanaged blood sugar. But, at the risk of sounding like Popeye, I yam what I yam. I’m a writer. Not all of it can be put down to Kielbasa and crackers at midnight.
I must remember that not every thought that comes into my head is necessarily true. I have to learn to quell my thoughts. Channel my tendencies, resist the ever present impulse to write and rewrite the script, put words in people’s mouths. But, on the same hand, I must honour and accept this part of me as well. In other words, it is what it is (F@%# the begrudgers).
Photo Credit
Courtesy of INCITE
Recent Margaret Blackwood Articles:
- Leave Beacon Hill Park Alone
- It's the Thought that Counts
- Being Thankful
- Looking Forward, Looking Back
- Don't Call Me Ma'am
Margaret… I’m glad you wrote about “it is what it is”. This seems to be a saying in vogue today. And yes, just what does it mean. I use it… often as a standby to avoid confrontation (like you point out). Being an avoider by nature, your article shines a light on my choice of words. Interestingly enough (or not!) I often hear this saying used by pro athletes when they are being interviewed for the nth time, after the game, about why they, or their team, lost. How else to explain it… “it is what it is”…. i.e., “bite me”. Love it!.
Hi Ben,
Thanks. Come to think of it, it seems like a lot of athletes have a kind of “pat” banter they use when they’re being interviewed, you know, like” we tried really hard and the other team tried really hard and some days you do what you gotta do and they do what they gotta do and you know the coaches, well, they just gotta do it too.” It all starts to sound the same. Usually the ones I see, anyway, are sweating and huffing and puffing beyond belief when they’re being interviewed, too.
Margaret
oh you’re hilarious!
I say that, all the time.
And I mean it.
<—Huge worrier.
Uhm, I meant. Former huge worrier.
As Mihigna says, "Worry does nothing about anything except stress you (or whoever the worrier is) out. It's wasted energy and lifeforce lost forever." He's real smart. one of the many reasons I married him. 🙂
Great piece Margaret! Don't worry, it was fine!! 🙂 haahaahaaahaa!!!!
Like Margaret I dislike the phrase “it is what it is.” I always want to ask, “Well, what is it really?” When people tell me “it is what it is” it’s like they are saying, “I can’t or won’t do do anything here to create change.” I think we use this phrase as an existential kind of apathy. For instance: “You didn’t take out the garbage again.” Answer: “It is what it is.” Or way worse… “Millions of people are dying of starvation. Answer: “It is what it is.” But that’s not what it is to me.
Great story, Margaret!
Thanks for your comments, Mary and Kerry. I’ve been hearing and using this expression too often lately, that’s for sure. Time for a new one!
Margaret