There is a difficulty faced by so many when they are invisibly ill. You know the invisible illnesses: fatigue, depression, heart disease, diabetes, chronic pain. And there are other situations that cause the same sort of feelings — living with abuse, money issues, being bullied to name a few.
People suffering from any invisible condition look around, nodding and smiling when it’s appropriate, but they may not be really present. When one is not well, and needs time off work, many will say, “Well, she looks fine.” What an ignorant comment, don’t you think?
There are so many people who believe they know your insides by looking at your outsides. Who the heck are we to say whether someone looks or does not look fine? Honestly!
I’ve not been well for a while now. It’s low energy to the extreme. I “look” fine. I can carry on a conversation and I can make myself do the things that are necessary, but it’s not making me any better, and now it’s getting frustrating and so I cry with the absurdity of it when I have so many wonderful writing projects to work on. I have deadlines. I have e-publishers, development teams and a movie producer waiting for my work, and I can’t find the energy to sit at the computer for longer than 30 minutes. What’s that about? I’ll find out, I will get to the bottom of it, and I am taking steps to do so.
But meanwhile, no one can understand why I need that seat on the bus, why I can’t go out with them socially, why I’m not meeting my deadlines, why I’m grumpy. I think it’s one of those things you need to experience in order to understand.
This is my first experience, I guess. At least one that has been lengthy enough for me to notice the way I’m treated. Thank goodness I have some gray hair on my side. At least there is a chance that if the judging party is young, they will automatically put whatever troubles them about me down to my age. Others? Colleagues? Friends? They may be tolerant, but I think there’s a time limit, and I’m not sure there is complete understanding.
Sometimes it’s just that your head isn’t working the way that you’re used to. Then chances are it’s not working the way that others are used to. Chances are they will notice. And when they notice, they worry silently. They’re not going to bring that up. No sir. Not a chance. If they did, you could tell them that you’re just fatigued, sleep-deprived, worried about something, or otherwise pre-occupied. There could be any number of reasons why your head is not quite working as well as it usually does, but they’re all silent. And your friends and family and colleagues will remain silent as well.
If you are one of the invisible sufferers, please know that I now understand. If you are one of those people who question whether we’re not well, please ask a few questions, express your concern and be gracious. After all, your turn may be coming. And remember to be grateful for your own good health.
Photo Credits
“It matters to me” melodramababs@flickr.com. Creative Commons. Some Rights Reserved.
Excellent article! When my Crohn’s act up, some people think I just run back and forth to the bathroom to get off the assembly line. All because I look healthy. Of course, John F. Kennedy was sold as the healthy young presidential candidate when nothing could have been further from the truth. Outside appearances are not always inward reality at all. In both the physical and emotional sense, what we see can be deceiving. And don’t we just love to judge our insides by others outsides. (Not fare to us or them.)
I SO know what you mean Peg, having suffered from depression most of my life. Now THAT’S invisible unless you are crying and depressed people don’t always cry. It is not about sadness. Heck. I’m one of the funniest people I know.
I remember telling someone that I suffered from depression and their comment, “You can’t be!! You’re soo funny!!” yeah.. ha ha ha. I told her because I was SO delighted to finally have a name for the black hole of despair I lived in.
Sometimes I wished I had something obvious.. or even just acceptable.. maybe diabetes. It’s really the same thing. A chemical imbalance.
We’re getting better at it. We can now say “mentally ill” without it being a stigma but we’ve a long way to go yet in acknowledging those soul-wracking illnesses and invisible sicknesses that leave the unenlightened thinking we’re just lazy, cranky and/or self indulgent..
Excellent article! My PTSD has intruded on my ability to work, but because you can’t see it, sometimes even well-meaning friends suggest I just go to work and move on!