There is a currently health fad to which I have completely submitted — and that fad is the ritual of the protein shake. This is the best breakfast I have found. Besides whatever liquid, fruit and protein you use, there is another key ingredient. This is something that has been around for years. It is actually an appliance most kitchens have — a blender. The fruit needs to be spun into oblivion, and the protein mixed with the liquid until you have something resembling a good old-fashioned milk shake. This breakfast’s resemblance to the good old-fashioned milkshake is what makes this alleged health food so appealing.
On week days I put together my lunch while sipping this cold tasty treat. And I have been known to take the last glass into the bath with me. But on weekends it’s the best, because I take the entire blender full of breakfast into my office and check my e-mail or do some online shopping while I sip this life-giving nectar. I may even write on occasion. I’m pretty careful about where I set the blender down: you know, a level spot, on a piece of paper that doesn’t matter, away from my computer and keyboard. Safe.
I always have a standard double-check of my equipment after washing, and before asking it to whirl my breakfast into shape. I put the washer, blades and bottom in. I screw it down tight. I put water into the container and put it onto the machine and give it a couple of blasts to make sure it’s not leaking. I followed this practice exactly one recent Saturday morning. I then dumped out the water and proceeded to add the standard ingredients of my protein shake. Satisfied that the frozen berries had been pulverized into drinkable submission, I carried the blender and an empty glass into my carpeted office.
I made my usual checks of the desk — making sure that I would be setting the container down on scrap paper. Then I noticed a drop of water on the bottom edge of the blender container. I grabbed a tissue to wipe off what remained of my test water from the bottom of the vessel, and standing beside my desk to do it, I watched as the entire bottom fell out, dropping approximately three cups of liquid nutrient onto my carpet!
Thick as it was, it virtually disappeared into the rug, leaving only a few unspun berries and a dark chocolate stain. I stood there in disbelief, repeating the words, “That did not just happen” to myself.
Through my brain whizz
ed the familiar process of fitting the pieces together, testing with water, and walking from the kitchen all the way into my office. It’s like that life-flashing-before-your-eyes experience that you hear about. My mouth hung open for the longest time.
When I’d cleaned the splashes off my legs and thrown the pieces of the blender into the trash, my head cleared enough so I could envision my damage deposit flying out the window, and then I thought about the next $600 the landlords would want to make this room livable again. And then I decided to call for help so I could avoid even telling them. I was reminded of the Ghostbusters’ line, “Who you gonna call?”
I couldn’t think so I dialed the familiar number of a friend with every gadget and chemical known to man — seemed a reasonable choice. Six different chemicals, two machines and a fair amount of elbow grease later, that dark brown stain had turned successfully into baby shit yellow. I weep still as I try to invent the words that will explain this to my landlord. But my online shopping has come in handy. I got a great deal on an area rug to cover it up!
Photo Credits
“Blender photo courtesy of Self Trading
All other photos © Peg Ainsley
Guffaw! Guffaw! Guffaw! Pegz beez most dense!
PZ. Nice nohurtz luvs noogies.
I once made the mistake of setting an old printer down on my beautiful carpet. Somehow, the black ink cartridge emptied itself right there! Ugh! No amount of cleaners would erase that permanent stain. So, scissors came to the rescue. I cut the piece out and proceeded to find a matching piece of ink-free carpet to super glue back in its place. Voila! I was a happy camper again.