The last few years my body has been a wreck. Literally. My lower back, neck, shoulders, foot, knee, skull and various other pieces have been bruised, swollen, out of alignment, seized up, torn, splintered and broken. Not to mention my complete HPA failure. (Translation: full-body exhaustion, dull aches everywhere, headaches, sudden crashes where I have to sleep for four hours in the middle of the day. Think day-after-marathon every morning.)
It’s such a strange place to be. Emotionally I’m so far along my healing path, intellectually and spiritually too. It’s only in my physical body that I have major healing left to do. It’s so weird to be ready to jump into life full force, with all the passion and spirit that comes with being On The Other Side. So many doors are opening for me, so many opportunities are coming my way to finally live the complete life of my dreams. And yet I’m still held back, this time by my physical body. It really is true — the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak!
At first I was impatient with myself. I’d always been able to push through my exhaustion or pain and just keep going. This time has been so different. The aches are debilitating some days. Other days I’m better and can function. I cough all the time and my lungs are always aching. You see, lungs are the place in our bodies that hold grief and unreleased emotions.
It’s been hard to accept this, the slowest and most frustrating part of my healing. The emotional and spiritual release were something I’d been focused on for so much of my life. They were relatively quick. But the physical drag — that has been , well, a huge drag. Literally.
Reliving the memories, the emotion of the memories in my EMDR sessions began releasing the physical memories held within me . My aches and pains reflect my remembered positions: hiding in a corner, flinching against horrible pain. As I write this my neck and shoulders begin to ache; I feel the entire musculature of my neck and head tighten up, constricting, strings of fear from my heart clutch at my neck, pulling it down into my shoulders. The Turtle is activated, again.
Yet I know that the physical release is coming. FINALLY. A major shift started in the past week around my healing — not healing itself, but hope. New spiritual guides are appearing along my healing path: powerful energy healers and Shamans, body workers who are experts at dealing with trauma release. I’m just beginning to work with them and I’m so excited.
Physical healing is finally just around the corner. I know that. Once I have my physical self back, there’s no stopping me.
I will Thrive beyond my wildest best dreams. And I will accept that thriving as my due, sharing my lessons and healing path with all who might benefit. After all, that is what Thriving is all about!
Photo Credits
“Joy, Sorrow and Hope” & “As the Days Go By” by Sippanont Samchai @ Flickr.com. Creative Commons. Some Rights Reserved.
Recent Bel Brown, Thriving On The Other Side Articles:
- The Power of a Pause
- The Power to Change Our Story
- The Power to Co-Create
- Of Faith and Fear
- What’s in a Secret?
Dan – thanks as always for your support and gracious words.
Kim – I know how hard it is for all of us. I think this is so frustrating to me because emotionally, intellectually and spiritually I’m HEALED. But the body is slow. I tend to get impatient, and then I realize that my body held the terror, pain and TRUTH for some 45 years. WOW – that’s a lot to release.
It’s all part of the process – and I’m so grateful FOR the process that I am willing to do whatever it takes to heal. I’ve come this far and I am NOT turning back!
Hugs to you both and blessings to all my readers. We can THRIVE, when we see and accept the truth!
Love n light,
Thriving
All I can say is Wow! I completely relate to this posting. I’ve gone through smaller phases of this, but right now I’m in a big fat phase of this- the release of physically stored emotional pain. It’s coming on faster lately and I trust that the timing is right. Thank you for putting words to the process. I know my life is ready to open up and I know the last piece is the physical release. You are not alone!
Thriving here I come!
Peace & love~
Thriving, I hear you on how slowly the body heals. Friends sometimes think I’m lazy because I have to rest so much. I work out with a trainer three days a week, which helps release some of those stored pains. But I am resting as much emotionally as physically. Yes, I understand!
But what a hopeful direction things are taking for you, with this major shift, and the spirit guides and shamans to guide your trauma release! I’m excited for you!