6 Signs Your Relationship with Self-Care Is Toxic

Self-care has been trending over the last few years, and for good reason. Lots of people neglect their own needs when life gets hectic, often placing the needs of others first. While this might work in the short term, it can lead to issues like burnout, exhaustion, and chronic stress.

Reminder: self-care isn’t just about taking hot baths or getting manicures. It’s about taking care of yourself so that you are mentally and physically healthy. While healthy self-care is something to embrace wholeheartedly, many people take things a bit too far, ending up in an unhealthy relationship with self-care.

Here are six signs your relationship with self-care has become toxic.

1. You Have Unrealistic Expectations

Because self-care has been trending, it’s easy to think that if you just take up all the techniques you see online, your life will change radically, for the better. While it’s true that taking good care of yourself comes with a lot of benefits, that doesn’t mean it will fix all your problems.

On that same note, unrealistic expectations about what you “should” be doing can make self-care stressful. If you think you must get up at 5 AM and go for a jog in the morning before drinking four glasses of water and journaling, then you might need to re-think your approach to self-care.

2. You’re Using Self-care as a “Reward”

Self-care isn’t a treat that you only get if you’re productive. It’s the practice of taking care of yourself to help promote health and well-being. It can help you become happier and more productive, but it isn’t something you “earn.”

Don’t withhold self-care from yourself as a punishment. Caring for yourself is something you ALWAYS deserve. If you want to reward yourself with self-care, make it an “extra” treat, not a baseline activity that you need to stay healthy.

3. You Feel Drained By Your Routine Instead of Refreshed

A healthy self-care routine should help you feel physically and mentally healthy. While you might be pleasantly tired after a good workout, beware if you start feeling drained or burned out by your routine.

For instance, if going to CrossFit four times a week and writing in your journal for a half hour feels too overwhelming, then it’s not helping your overall wellness. You might try something more manageable, like taking a long walk four times a week and journaling for ten minutes. If your self-care routine is making you feel overwhelmed, it’s not serving its purpose and you might need to re-think your approach.

4. You’re Using Self-care to Avoid Confronting Your Feelings

Everyone has problems. Everyone has gone through some terrible things in their lives. It’s important to work through difficult feelings — ignoring them can just make things worse. Some people who get into self-care want to focus on “only positive thinking,” which quickly becomes toxic. After all, experiences in our lives are not always positive!

If you’ve been through traumatic experiences, such as the loss of a parent at a young age or abuse from a partner, you should work with an experienced mental health professional. Doing more and more “self-care” to avoid your feelings can be harmful in the long term.

5. You Feel the Need to “Advertise” Your Self-care

If you can’t do an hour of yoga without posting about it on social media, then you might be missing the point. The benefits of self-care go far beyond having something you can advertise on social media. If you find yourself needing to post about all your self-care activities, then you might have a toxic relationship with self-care that you need to examine.

Try going without social media for a week while still incorporating all of your normal self-care routines. Sometimes, cutting out electronic crutches is a form of self-care in and of itself!

6. You Think Self-care Has to Involve Certain Things

Many people who see influencers and business leaders posting about their self-care routines think that there are rules for what counts as self-care. This can be a toxic approach to self-care because it makes you feel like the only habits that “count” are impressive and difficult, which isn’t true at all.

Self-care can be anything that helps you feel your best. Usually, this includes eating a healthy diet, regularly exercising, and spending time with loved ones. However, it doesn’t have to be an hour at the gym every day, no sugar, and spending every waking moment with your children. It might mean a short walk on some days and longer workouts on others. It might mean the occasional sweet treat from time to time so that your habit of eating well is sustainable.

It’s important to realize that self-care is different for everyone. Don’t fall into the toxic trap of comparison. Finding balance in your life takes some experimentation and the ability to honor your amazing, unique self!

Photo Credit

Image by Pexels from Pixabay

Guest Author Bio
Sarah Daren

With a Bachelor’s in Health Science along with an MBA, Sarah Daren has a wealth of knowledge within both the health and business sectors. Her expertise in scaling and identifying ways tech can improve the lives of others has led Sarah to be a consultant for a number of startup businesses, most prominently in the wellness industry, wearable technology and health education. She implements her health knowledge into every aspect of her life with a focus on making America a healthier and safer place for future generations to come.