“Hi, I’m Adriana Matak and I am an alcoholic.”
Not the most glamorous introduction, I know, but I’d prefer to set the scene from the start. You’ll either connect with my journey and message or you won’t.
In a former life, not too long ago, I spent 11 years fueling an addiction to alcohol, carelessly tampering with drugs and being disposable with my body while diving deeper into the depths of depression and despair. I was walking towards rehab, in my designer shoes and you probably never would have known because I was a high-functioning addict.
I have survived intense thoughts of despair and here I am today on the other side. I live to tell my tales. My self sabotaging streak was met with self hate, perpetual self hate – a cycle I knew I needed to break. But how?
In March 2016, I sunk the deepest I’d ever sunk in depression before and began to pen down a suicide note. I reflected on the years of the abusive relationship I’d had with myself and every lesson I’d ever allowed into my life.
Sex, drugs and alcohol were my favorite distractions in the past but in that very moment, my reflective narrative had me thinking. I told myself, “You’ve been this alcohol reliant and addicted freak show for the past 11 years and it got you this far but life doesn’t look the way you expected it would. How about instead of committing suicide, you give sobriety a chance and if that doesn’t work, do what you want with your life?!”
Let me tell you now, nothing scares an addict more than the idea of getting clean and sober. It meant I had to unlearn all my former habits, rewire my brain for self love and most importantly, admit my powerlessness to alcohol. That’s some scary stuff right there. My sober anniversary is 11.9.2016 and while I am new to this new path, I am still proud because it’s the cleanest my blood has been in over a decade.
I am open about my new journey and past struggles because I know what it’s like to contemplate taking your own life and I know what it’s like to look for any reason not to. I know from personal experience when I was seeking sobriety, I looked for people to look up to who had already walked the road before me. It’s ironic because as a travel blogger I always looked for the road less traveled and as an addict, sought the road most had already traveled.
I am living proof that you can turn your life around and live the life of your dreams, you just need to give yourself a real honest chance.
Photo by Adriana Matak – All Rights Reserved
Guest Author Bio
Adriana Matak is a London based blogger writing about her travels, lifestyle and journey through addiction recovery.
Over the years, she has been published on Lonely Planet, The Huffington Post, Jetset Times, Tiny Buddha and Rebelle Society.