Move Over, Laughter – Crying is the New Best Medicine

I cried during my morning meditation – again. Sometimes, for fun, I’ll search the internet for what I’m feeling in a particular situation. I’m curious to see if my reaction is at least somewhat normal, and in any case, hope to find some self-help tips to manage the moments. So when I finished meditating today, I went to the computer and typed why am I crying during my meditation. But this time, I wasn’t worried that there was something wrong with me. Lately, crying seems to be making me feel good – happy even. But it hasn’t always been that way.

Crying has always been an embarrassing thing to me, especially if I happened to do it when others were around. It took every muscle in my face, every ounce of concentration, to stop the crying in its tracks. It was as though letting it happen would be the horror of all horrors. I wonder about that now – why such a fierce fight to suppress?

I think it may have something to do with my upbringing, although I know it wouldn’t have been intentional. I’m sure my parents just wanted to fix the hurt, and “shhh…don’t cry” was just a normal reaction to their child’s tears. Other people’s reaction growing up may also have played a role. As I got older, I got a clear sense of people’s discomfort when I cried. There was a palatable awkwardness, a distinct feeling that I must immediately regain my composure – for their sake. And, I suppose it didn’t help matters to have lived with a spouse that considered crying to be a sign of weakness; it always left me feeling foolish. I was living with the belief that crying was not a good thing.

The great thing about beliefs, though, is that you can change them. Over the last while, I’ve tried to determine whether my current beliefs are actually my own or if I’ve inherited them from other people in my life. I’ve made some pretty important discoveries – how I react to crying being one of them. I’m finding that I’m now going through a natural metamorphosis, allowing changes to take place that are slowly re-defining who I am and ultimately who I want to be.

I not only want to be able to cry when I need to, but I want to allow others to do the same. I think all we really want is to make the hurt go away when someone is crying, but we can end up feeling pretty helpless. I think when we say “don’t cry”, we’re really trying to say “I care that you’re hurting” or “I want to make it better but I don’t know how.” I understand it better now, from both perspectives. It may not always be possible to let it happen in every situation, but those times will hopefully be the exception.

I no longer feel ashamed to cry. In fact, I look forward to the next opportunity – whether it’s during meditation, because I’m moved to, or for what seems like no reason at all. It’s a letting go, an allowance of emotions to happen in the moment and flow as they are supposed to. It’s such a release, and I think that’s really it – it just feels so good to cry. And, normal.

Photo Credit

Photo from Flickr – some rights reserved

Recent Carol Good Articles:

• Through a Grown Child's Eyes
• If Not Now, When?
• I Want to Fall in Love Again
• Keep the Line Moving
• What I'm Trying to Say