The One Question Sure to Make Every Unemployee Cringe

At the peak of my career, I became an unexpected casualty of corporate restructure. Suddenly thrust into the job search market for the first time in almost twenty years, I was hopelessly naive about unemployment but confident that I would use the time off for worthwhile activities like, meditating, catching up with old friends, and checking items off my whiteboard list. Several months later, however, I had still not written the great American novel, given a Ted talk, or become a beekeeping hobbyist.

What I had accomplished, though, was to learn a whole lot about the world of job-searching. For instance, did you know that the success rate of getting an interview from an online application is reported to be in the single digits? And even though you know that, you’ll still spend hours a day ‘posting and praying’, just hoping to hit the online application jackpot. You’ll also frequently find yourself longing for the day when you can again say things like, “I’m so busy and I wish I didn’t have to work today”. You may even put on a suit or heels to do your errands or join an online support group for job searchers.

But the one thing you will still be totally unprepared for is what to say the first time you are introduced to someone and they ask that age-old question, “What do you do?” Seriously, shouldn’t that question be illegal or something? Don’t’ get me wrong, there’s no shame in being unemployed, but there’s still a good chance you’ll pause awkwardly and stutter with surprise every time you hear that question. Fear not. You are not alone. These are some tried-and-true responses from a seasoned unemployee to help you through the awkwardness (and maybe even have a little fun in the meantime.)

The Euphemism response

“I’m a not-for-profit online recruitment specialist”. This is just a fancy way of saying that you spend 40 hours a week scouring internet job boards and no one needs to know that but you. Related key phrases: key accountabilities evaluation and benefit/compensation analysis. Those should throw them off the scent.

The Spiritual Seeker response

“I’ve recently left the corporate world in search of my true calling”. This one takes some conviction and practice, but if you really pull it off your audience will be dazzled, wishing they too were brave enough to go in search of adventure and fulfillment. Related key phrases: deeper meaning, sustainable lifestyle, kale/kombucha. Those should really seal the deal.

The Divert and Run response

This one is a two-parter. First respond with a mildly passive-aggressive existential question such as, “What do any of us really do?” If they attempt to respond, simply meet them with an intense, unblinking stare. Eventually one of you will just walk away. Problem solved.

If none of those appeal to you, you could always try a more practical solution like finding a part-time job while you search. When I first lost my job, I made a mental list of all the cool places I’d work just for fun which landed me in a seasonal job at Wrigley Field. No, it would never pay the bills but it was an unforgettable experience and a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Plus, when people asked me “What do you do?”, I was armed with a great response.

And if all else fails, remind yourself that this is only temporary. One day you will rejoin the ranks of those lucky people that say things like “I don’t want to go to work today”. One day you will again cash a paycheck. And when that day comes you will be wiser, stronger, humbler and more compassionate thanks to this crazy experience we call unemployment.

Happy job searching my friends!

Photo Credit

Meditate by Kai C. Schwarzer on flickr – some rights reserved

Guest Author Bio

Jennifer Veto
Jennifer is a born and raised Wisconsinite. She now lives near the shores of Lake Michigan with her boyfriend, 4-year old stepdaughter and a couple of rambunctious doodles. She has spent more than two decades travelling the world collecting experiences and has a passion for photography, spiritual pursuits and building relationships with human beings from all walks of life.

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