A toxic relationship can drain your energy and sap your enthusiasm for life. Everyone deserves to have a fulfilling and satisfying love life – if you’re not, it’s time to move on.
Nowadays there are many different ways to meet new people and maximise your chances of meeting your ideal partner. Online dating sites can now match you with dates based on what you believe is important, so you’ll be more likely to want the same things from the relationship.
How do you know you’re in a toxic relationship?
Long-term relationships tend to go through peaks and troughs and no two are the same. If you met on a site such as eHarmony, who base their matches on shared beliefs and values, then you should feel confident that you have similar ideas of what makes a successful relationship. However, how do you know when your relationship is normal or one you should leave behind? There are many ways in which a toxic relationship shows itself. Here are a few things to consider:
- Do you feel supported by your partner or is everything always about them?
- Do they help you to feel good about yourself or make you feel ashamed?
- Do you rarely, if ever, enjoy good moments together?
- Do you constantly feel tense, anxious or miserable around your partner?
- Do you feel you can be yourself around your partner or do you feel under pressure to change?
What kind of behaviours cause a relationship to be toxic?
A toxic relationship is often borne out of insecurity. When one partner feels insecure, it’s easier for them to feel jealous and project their worries and anxieties onto their partner. They may make unreasonable demands that their partner behave in certain ways to soothe their fears, and become agitated or aggressive if this does not happen. Some examples of controlling behaviour include:
- Sulking or becoming angry with little provocation
- Demanding that the other partner dress, act or speak in a certain way
- Overriding the other partner’s thoughts or feelings
- Being unable to tolerate differences between themselves and the other partner
- Driving a wedge between the other partner and their friends or family
What can you do to recover from a toxic relationship?
If you’ve identified that you need to leave your current relationship, it may feel much more complicated than simply walking away. It may even take some time for you to truly feel that it’s the right thing to do.
Identifying some of the reasons you need to leave may help make that step a little easier. Whether it’s having more time to spend with old friends, recovering self-esteem or simply being your own person again, having a list at hand will provide a bit of back-up for the break-up.
Once you’ve made the decision, have a plan for what you’ll say before you talk to your partner. Keep it short and simple and decide what your next steps will be. After the break-up, it’ll help for you to have support from friends and/or family straight away. Try and keep busy as much as possible and don’t be tempted to contact your ex as it will only make things more complicated.
When you’re free of your toxic relationship, you’ll have much more time to look after yourself, regain your confidence and eventually get out there and start meeting people again.
Photo Credits
Portrait Of A Lonely Girl – Some rights reserved by robertvitulano on flickr
As She Walks Away – Some rights reserved by TheTynk on flickr
Guest Author Bio
Hannah Jackson
Hannah Jackson is a freelance writer and mum of two based in the UK. She enjoys understanding relationships and exploring themes of commitment and love.
Good practical advice Hannah. More people should follow it.
A wonderful article – so very insightful. The people that do have a ‘normal’ relationship have something very special. I have met several couples that have met on dating sights – it’s a bit of work but if you find true love in the end it is time well spent.