After I had picked myself up, dusted myself off and had caught my breath, I retired to the bedroom alone. He had already made his way down the hall to the spare room, so I was guessing the attack was over. I huddled under the covers, shaking, cold, hurt and scared, but more than that I was suddenly very determined too. “There has to be something out there better than this.” Ah, my mantra was back.
As I lay there in dark pain, I hear a knock at the door, then a voice. “Hon, can you help me set the alarm clock? I have a meeting in the morning.” My mind scrambled and I’m sure my heart stopped for a bit. I wiped my eyes, tried a smile, opened the door, set his stupid clock and said goodnight. My duty done; submission accomplished; I was back under his control, or so he thought.
He had spoken loud and clear about the kind of person he really was that night.
The next day I reported the attack to the police, and they said they’d charge him with assault. No! Don’t make him mad again! The roller coaster ride for the next year had begun. Like the Cat and Mouse; he played me. Even with a restraining order, he continued to show up at various times whenever I went out from meetings to the mall. He had his lawyer call me at odd hours like 10pm on Sunday evening to threaten me with law suits. I dug in. There was no way I was giving him another shot at me…ever.
We owned a very successful business together at the time. We had associates as far away as Europe and we were finally making money after years of struggle. We had arrived at a new kind of crossroad. In our company, I was beginning to step out as a leader, gaining in strength and notoriety, but he had plateaued. This, I came to understand later was the reason for the attack…my increasing power was becoming a threat to his. Physically forcing me back into submission was the only strategy he knew. The police would charge him but they released him pending the trial where he would be found guilty of assault. He was sentenced to six months of probation.
After he had been removed from the home, I returned to pack up and prepare to leave everything behind. Before I left however, a married couple, associates in our business, called me and set an appointment to talk. I knew what ‘he’ was about because he had already said to me, “You’re taking this a little too seriously, don’t you think?” My husband had made certain everyone was aware of the separation…but from his perspective, not mine. While I had been licking my wounds in isolation, he had been spreading the word that I was off my rocker. He had garnered support and allies and I would not only lose my home, my company (which I had financed) and my reputation, but my friends too.
When they arrived, we went to the living room to talk. Sitting across the room from then, it was here and at this very moment in time, I experienced the miracle. All of a sudden my peripheral vision became foggy. Their voices became a bit muffled and they seemed to be further away than in reality. I felt an incredible sense of peace filling me. I took a deep breath and a gentle soft energy filled me up.
They began a barrage of accusations, comments, criticisms and the like, and I sat there smiling softly, nodding my head in agreement with not a single negative emotion in my body. Now, remember, I was the angry person, the woman in the window whose face was etched with pain and sadness, and I was no slouch. No one got away with slamming me, not my husband and certainly not these two. Yet there I was; serene and safe. The anger, so familiar and explosive, never surfaced.
When they ran out of steam, I walked them to the door and hugged them goodbye; all smiles, warm and fuzzy. I went to my office and sat down. “WHAT IN THE WORLD WAS THAT?” I ran over the meeting again and again, elated at the experience but having no idea what planet I had just visited. I called this event my Pink Cotton-Candy Place of Peace…for lack of another explanation. I wondered if I could go back there again…any time I wanted to. Could that be possible?
And then it hit me. If I could get there once…I could get there again! My past resolve, my mantra and now my very own miracle was about to turn my life…upside down.
To be continued…
Better than this – 4384939 @ 123rf Stock Photos
Core Values – thittayajanyamethakul @ 123rf Stock Photos
Serene and safe @ 123rf Stock Photos