We were soul mates; of this I was certain. Then one day he said, “I’ve decided to go on an adventure.”
Moments later I found out he had signed up already. CUSO, he told me, was an organization that sends people to third world countries to teach people how to do things, like grow crops or fish. As the news began to settle, I began thinking how I could excuse myself from my entire life to go away. What an adventure! I would find a way! Then he said, “And I’m going alone.”
I suddenly knew what it was like to be told I was going to die. My heart suddenly boiled over with a new kind of pain. I scrambled for some sort of meaning, but hope faded and reality slipped back in. I forced myself to hold it together because I didn’t want him to know I needed him more than oxygen. Inside me, the breath had stopped and the heart felt suddenly empty. I was quiet.
He went on to explain he was going to Vanuatu, a small South Pacific Island far, far away, and the contract meant he had to stay until it was fulfilled. He said he just needed some time away from this reality. He said he wanted to do something really different at this stage in his life, and he wanted to put his skills toward the greater good. Oh yes, and he would be gone for two years.
I remember saying that I understood, and that I would wait here for him until he got back. I didn’t say it, but I was his and no one else’s. He knew anyway. I loved him, and although he didn’t say it often enough, he had spoken of his love for me too.
I remember the night like it was yesterday. I call it my ten minutes with Love. It had been a rainy, stormy night and we were in the 5th wheel in Zeballos and had just crawled into bed. He took me in his arms and kissed me as he always had. There was never a time I didn’t feel the passion in his kiss; the perfect sensitivity, his perfect intent; no rushing passion, you know. Just slow and steady.
This night however his kiss would suddenly be very different. On this particular night he let go. He stepped out from behind the veil and fell headlong into my heart. He had never moved me like that before, and he never would again. For a blissful ten minutes we were mutually deep inside the magic of love…pure and simple. And we both felt it.
He would leave several months later, right after Christmas and I planned a very special send off. I showered him with crazy gifts like oversized sunglasses, colourful shorts and big bright flip-flops. We laughed so hard our sides hurt and yet there was that tell-tale veil I had grown so aware of. Still we loved to the very last moment.
The light was gray, the air dank on the cold December morning when I took him to the ferry. My fingers were hanging through the chain link fence as if I would plummet to the other side of the earth if I let go. His last words had been, “Don’t be sad. Go home and have some tea.”
My eyes watched as he slowly walked beyond the gate, solitary and alone, soon swallowed by a crowd of strangers. He was so real, so familiar yet just then; such a stranger. As the space between us grew, my heart felt the tug of his. He stopped, and as my brief wish was fulfilled, he glanced back. A spark coursed through my heart as our eyes met, and then let go again.
Giant days of time and an ocean of space would separate us from that day and I would wander through each day without my heart. My mind scrambled to understand but it was my heart that knew it would be inextricably bound within his even half a world away. There was nothing that could ever undo us, not space, not time; nothing, not even an ocean or death itself.
Silently I watched as the massive ferry backed up and headed out of the harbor, disappearing around the finger of land that would soon steal him totally from sight. He was gone. Suddenly there was nothing left; no people, no laughter, no love, no hope. Vacant. Timeless. Empty space.
I had no choice.
I would wait.
…to be continued
Photo Credits
Robert by Faye Thornton – All Rights Reserved
All other photos @ 123rf Stock Photos
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