“The ability to foresee consequences before you act is a mark of the profound person. Avert anticipated difficulties through right action.” -The Book of Runes
They say, the bigger the question, the bigger the doubt. No doubt, doubt is a bitch.
One thing I have no illusions about is that I want my footprints to say, ‘I walked here and left nothing out of order.’
With a heavy life decision in front of me, as I carefully consider my options, I am becoming clearer about the fact that it is not the outcome of my decision that I need to consider, but instead, the rather difficult reality that I have already made the decision; I just haven’t admitted it to myself yet. There is a familiarity and an inevitability about this situation that I cannot ignore.
Every decision – and this one in particular – will declare which side of the fence I am on, and there will be no going back. It will demonstrate that I see that there is something beyond classical methodologies; beyond repetitive conditioning and the idea of comfortable tomorrows. There will be no hiding or pretending anymore. No more running past the beautiful landscape, blinded by superficial goals. No more walking past garbage on the beach with a frown on my face, instead of a smile when I pick it up. No more attempts to invoke change in myself or others with anything other than with a quiet and practical example.
In the last few weeks, struggling with all the long moments in between action, I have been awakened by some wonderful people who seem to have already left invisible footprints for me to follow, and at the same time, I have remained undeterred by my sadness over others, who don’t yet have to the ability to see how much their footprints impact the world; how every action matters. I watch and reflect only the good I see. That is how I do. This is how I decide.
I am starting a new life. I am a white belt again. I have reached the top of the mountain – the one I started climbing almost 39 years ago – and now I am sitting patiently at the top, waiting for the clouds to part, so that I can see what’s beyond the known.
I have learned that accepting doubt is okay; it allows patience to grow. In the meantime, I will take every step with thought and care; no haste, no needy actions, no expectations.
I’m going to the beach later to see where my footprints lead. To hear the silence of my barefoot vulnerability; to hear and speak the wordless language of being that existed long before I did, and will continue to exist long after I am gone. And to see what it looks like behind me, when the garbage that has been left behind is gone.
“Dallas Beach” by Mary Rose
“Ocean and clouds on beach” by Mary Rose