It occurred to me the other day – much to my own surprise and chagrin – that perhaps the reason some (if not many) do not seem to comprehend what is meant by ‘health’ is because they have never actually experienced it.
What a horribly maudlin thought.
Sometimes I get angry about it: How did it get like this? How have people become so ill in so many ways? Who is responsible? … recognizing that we all have a responsibility to ourselves …
Lately, more and more, the following question has been forced to the forefront of many, many minds: How could someone – anyone – who is demonstrably not healthy possibly think they have a right to tell another not just how to ‘take care of themselves’, but unilaterally and without any discussion, how to govern their own body?
I would never claim to be an expert on much, but I can confidently say that I am the only one who knows me and my body, mind and spirit (like I do), as I am the one who resides here. Every living being can confidently make this claim about themselves. And for me, while in residence here, I honour this temple as a joyful and serious steward and caregiver of it.
I realize my anger – although very human and in some sense justified – is not actually anger: It is sadness and despair. Both are felt as a result of recognizing the reality behind this strange and hypocritical world – this particular state of the ‘illusion’ we are privy to.
It feels as if a sick, incoherent and detached ideology – akin to an algorithm, in the sense that it doesn’t seem to have any hold or comprehension of the complex inter-workings of the human psyche or even physical aspects of the being as a whole – is telling healthy, conscious beings how they ‘need to be’, in order to align with the former’s strangely unhealthy ideology of ‘health’. This presents everywhere from the ‘news’, the day to day behaviour we emulate, to the unacknowledged centuries of trauma which continue to flow through our veins as cellular memory.
I feel the ramifications ever deeper now … for so long, so unaware of and disconnected from our own internal and externals runtime environments – discouraged from trusting our intuitions, our senses, our feelings, our inner ‘knowings’ and even our immune systems … this is both profound and disturbing.
It is something that needs to be addressed at the deepest levels, and I cannot not see that it is not being addressed properly and to any real avail. Instead, I see and feel a massive abuse of trust, abuse of position, and abuse of not just humanity, but all beings on this planet. Division. Hegelian Dialectic. More fear to replace the old ones.
Why does it feel as if we are being discouraged from thinking about this or going into it in a way that might remediate our individual and collective pain and suffering?
The sense that we ‘are never good enough’, and would be better off if we just had ‘this’ or ‘that’, is pervasive and constant. It has extended beyond the reach of even rational arms.
Where does all this come from?
I see clearly that it is feeding on our energy and attention, and therefore, our time. It is a thieving thing: Stealing time and energy – life – away from a potential, original and inexplicably creative world, in order to tap and funnel it into one which never satiates us in any real way.
What makes us not trust ourselves, to the point of ridiculing and submitting that dear and beautiful part of ourselves which wishes only to curiously explore our own innate knowing and being? Why has this ‘you need more’ narrative taken such parasitic hold of our conscious minds?
Something simply isn’t right here.
We have the power to turn off the ‘wrong’, ‘not serving health’ button, and indeed, if something – in truth – is not serving to actually make us feel good, better or even alive, then it has to be turned off. The quality and nature of our lives depend on it.
Lately, I have spent all my time in a different place. One which initially terrified me and then, after time and examination – internalizing the experience – now exhilarates me to no end. This place has brought me back to the original questions: ‘What am I supposed to do with this? Who am I? Why am I here?’
Tonight, I had an experience that served to remind me how in these questions are the obvious answers: Ones that live inside always.
I was reminded that if ‘you’ are still asking these questions, ‘you ‘ have not yet healed from the illness. Even as ‘you’ have healed so many different elements – the physical, mental and psychological ones’, this is not a ‘that’s it … I made it!’ kind of thing. There are infinite layers to it, and indeed, we are all connected.
The more you learn, feel and experience it, the more you recognize the limitlessness of it.
I am not sure where this piece of writing is going to go or who it will land on, but I shall end for now by reminding myself and whomever might be reading this: The level of compassion and insight one must have to go on this journey – to be here at this particular time of our human, collective consciousness – at this point of awakening, to what and who we truly are, is and must be as incomprehensibly infinite as time and space themselves.
In the realms of health – in every entangled and interconnected realm of health – to not see how horribly traumatized one would have to be to not even be able to admit that they see a problem with the world right now … this is not a light matter, but one which must be treated with healing consciousness and light matter.
I thought to put these questions out there, so that they and everyone inside whose consciousness they echo, know and knows: I hear you.
Photos courtesy of Mary Rose