The innocence
That shadows my reflection
Making marks in time
With preferable permanence
Pen and sword
Together in holstered waiting
Shyness takes over
Heart to heart
Every part feels like glass
Clear, fragile and easily shattered
No matter
In the joy of joint creation
And rolling
And training
And playing
And praying
There is
Here
No roll playing
No toll taken
No goal making
Just soul shaking
Something more
Wanting more
To break more
To break more dull and stale patterns on boring timelines
That once called
So fervently
Greedily
Like a hungry habit
Which needs too much
And wants too little
Not creating new ones
But instead
Seeing that they are already
Already here
Inside the remembering innocence
Familiar senses
Long forgotten
Now remembered
In original Love
For all that is
Prior to thought
Prior to knowing
what thought or knowing were.
Hours and hours of watching these brave waves
These craving days
Training this vertigo
To be still
Could it be?
The best has yet to happen.
In the worst of this mess
To find it: This isness
Instead of communicating
With a chasing and constant dizziness
Of always wondering
Why there is a sense between me and other of trashy stickiness
And scratchy itchiness
And patchy frizziness
And unfinished business
Between truth and fiction
Why there is an insistence on so many possible timelines
Instead of just the best probable one
This one
The click of a light switch
In a long and darkened hallway
Which may or may not exist
Finds my hand
As I tear down the old cathedrals
Built around me
Which buttressed my hidden memories
And forgotten knowing
With comfort and caging
We are inside of time
And time is waiting outside
For us
To come and play
In the always of now.
I can feel it like warm skin
against my needs
Like winter in spring
Falling on me
Like lacy snowflakes
Lingering softly
Dusting it still
With my tender brush.
This innocence
Lights up new reflections
And shadows fall
In love with that which cast them.
Mary training on beach with sai
Photo Credit
Photo courtesy of Mary Rose – All Rights Reserved
Dear Ms. Rose , Thank You for sharing Your wisdom ! I found your enlightening information as I was searching for a greater understanding as to why a spouse may become criticizing, to the degree of becoming Mentally Cruel. I married my wife with 2 sons .the youngest still lived with Mom. we were married in 2007 .I regret to tell you that our youngest son decided to take his own Life in 2013. I have tried to rationalize the behavior since even before this event happened. Now in 2021 we have decided to live separately. I Love my Wife but the constant criticism became more than I could tolerate. I am considering some kind of therapy for myself , while my wife is seeing a marriage counselor. please advise if you will ? Trying to understand in Louisville KY. Greg H.
Hello:
Well, not that I really think it’s for me to advise anyone else, but my gut tells me she sees the pain of having lost her/your child in you. The pain is too much and many externalize it as a result. Internalizing it is really the only way to really accept the reality of it it is akin to attempting to reach the higher consciousness levels through meditation – but it is very difficult, as well as an ongoing process that no one but the Self can undertake.
IMO, talking to others – so long as there is genuine trust and no power differential – can be very helpful. I wish you and your family healing and love. In the highest Forms.