Have you ever had that feeling, that sinking feeling that you forgot something important but can’t quite pin the tail on the donkey? That you are somehow blindfolded to your own omissions but everyone around you on public transit seems to have X-ray vision? And you know you’re fracked because after you discover that your white silk skirt is COMPLETELY see-through and the God-I-wish-I-didn’t-wear-a-thong-this-morning feeling swelters over you in heats, you realize all the seats are taken and it’s a very Very VERY sunny day.
No? Neither have I.
But a (ahem) friend of mine did and this is how she described it.
“ARGGGGGGGGGH!”
Now we all know that yelling in frustration is unbecoming of a Woman Not Waiting — we don’t bitch, we fix. However, releasing the cougar within is a different cat altogether, so I reserve the right to edit my unfortunate friend’s personal trauma as follows:
It’s just a wardrobe malfunction. Hey if Janet can make it work…
I wonder if that’s what happened to Paris, oops I mean Parish Louisiana?
Have a look at this!
Pretty darn surreal.
Now if salt is to the Earth’s crust like cotton cover are to my friend’s butt cheeks, that “sinking feeling” is totally understandable, wouldn’t you say?
Furthermore, the secrets that mining companies keep in the deep eventually surface. Such arrogance to think that Gaia (the physically Gaea), our Earth, can digest just about anything. As beautiful and perfect that she is, her universal highness still burps like the rest of us. Now if WE were spewing bubbles in a lake-sized bathtub we might call it something else, but for the sake of Gaia’s dignity, let’s call it a digestive upset.
If only we could give her a spoonful or two of organic apple cider vinegar and all would be well. Sigh. But you and I know.
You and I also have that sinking feeling. The sinking feeling that all is not well for our precious planet. Can we expect any different behaviour from Gaia as we suck the entrails out of her and illegally replace them with toxins (yes…these be the secrets of the deep)? I wager we would both be belching it back up as well…or worse.
There are naturally occurring sinkholes of course which form because of water eroding limestone caverns from below which cause a collapse in the structural integrity of the roof for example, but the one in Louisiana is a freak of man. It appeared unannounced, sank into the yard, and has literally been trying to eat Parish out of house and home ever since. Who saw that one coming?
Apparently one requires a PHD in geophysics to understand how to predict whether abandoned mines, fracked oil wells, groundwater depletion, and other such human fixations with drilling games will cause sinkholes (Oh did I write whether? Dang auto-correct…I meant when), but I say as I stand atop a mountain of garbage piled higher and deeper and declare with a hint of innocence in my tone: “Really?!”
When I was a kid, in my dark and shady past as an unconscious consumer, I would stick my straw into the Tetra Pak and suck suck suck. Then I’d blow blow blow some air back into that tiny hole and crush it with my bare hands— a Herculean feat I was incapable of with the juice box full. I would also carefully scoop out strawberry pie fillings and watch the crust sink into the bottom of the plate.
Another fun trick (please do this at home, kids) is to drill a hole in a watermelon, scoop out all the guts, plug the hole back in, sit beside it on an intact one, and call your “frenemy” over to have a truce over a few gummy bears. Hehehe. No PHD required for that one.
So…if a child can figure this out, enough with the drilling games already.
How much more can we pull out of the ground until Gaia screams Kerplunk?
Photo Credit
Thumbnail – Screen Cap From Video
Whirlpool – Microsoft Office Clipart Collection
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