I threw her out again last night. I am sitting here this morning thinking that since she isn’t here I don’t have to get high right now. And if I don’t have to get high right now maybe I won’t get high all day.
For an instant it felt like the heavy gates opened, like the light is shining through the crack. Like it is time to wake up. It’s better to wake up they say, better that than to come to.
According to local rules, you can’t get to heaven without going to hell. It seems that I made an easy deal with the Devil, a “handful a gimme/ a mouth fulla much obliged” kind of deal. It was a very long time ago. Here I sit with an empty pipe and no more stories left to tell.
It has been a hard row to hoe and my friends are hard to find. I have discovered that looking for salvation can be damn near lethal.
Come some distant sunrise, maybe I will give up all hope of changing the past.
Photos are © Michael Lebowitz – All Rights Reserved