Nathan Thompson looks at how eating habits might impact your choice in a romantic partner.
Being a long-time vegetarian, I have often had to have some interesting conversations with women I am dating. Usually, it begins with “when did you stop eating meat?” and goes from there, digging into my reasons why, and what my beliefs are around meat eating in general.
Honestly, even as a vegetarian, I kind of wonder what it would be like to date someone who is a vegan. The vegans I have known were pretty intense, and seemed to struggle with relating to those who didn’t share the bulk of their views. I don’t at all imagine that they represent everyone who is vegan, but that’s been my experience.
It’s also been the case that I have known meat eaters who can’t possibly, for whatever reason, imagine dating someone who doesn’t eat meat. I have relatives who, when I first went vegetarian, swerved between defensiveness and feeling guilt-ridden about their meat eating. Some even made fun of my decisions. And to this day, I occasionally receive comments about “my weight,” which are clearly tied to my dietary preferences. Point being that when it comes to dating, food can matter.
I have mostly dated women who ate meat, usually not as a main part of their diet, but still. And actually, it really hasn’t been a major issue in my experience. What’s been more of an an issue is the overall approach to food. For example, I have had a few girlfriends who mostly ate quickly prepared, processed food. They didn’t really know how to cook, and didn’t care to take the time to explore cooking.
Now, it doesn’t much matter to me who is the better cook in the couple. What matters to me is a general sense that what you eat matters. Because it reflects a piece of your larger attitude towards health and wellness. In both cases, the women I dated who didn’t cook and ate a lot of processed food were generally more unhealthy. They struggled with mood swings, sugar cravings, and got sick more often than I did.
The point there is that if things are too out of balance in one area of a person’s life, it can impact everything else, including your relationship. Sometimes, I would find myself listening to some emotionally charged story, or being on the other end of an emotionally-charged comment that might have been as much a result of having eaten poorly as anything else. I know that’s been true of myself — that when I eat more unhealthy food, or eat too much of one kind of food, my reactions to things in life are more charged and messy.
So, what are your experiences with food and dating? Does it matter to you what your partner eats? If you have a partner, did your eating habits play a role in your decision to be with that person? If you are single, do you actively seek someone with similar eating patterns or not?
Photo Credit
Photo Courtesy of Life Logic
I don’t know so much about the dating aspect of eating healthy, as I have not yet had many experiences with that. The article did, however, give me lots to think about. I just recently watched Food Inc. and have come to realize that my eating habits need to change. I am not naturally inclined to cooking and don’t generally like it (your article on gender and cooking really rang true for me because I am a woman who doesn’t like to cook) but recently I have come to realize the importance of cooking. I actually went through all my food and got rid of all the overly processed foods and anything with high fructose corn syrup in it. I have been trying to by locally grown produce and am considering going vegetarian. Overall, I feel healthier, have more energy, and just feel better in general (although I have been getting headaches from the detox). I had never thought about the relationship between eating healthy and dating until now, but it makes sense. I think it would be hard to date someone with a more unhealthy diet now that I’m trying to be more healthy. I remember making a new friend and spending a lot of time with her including getting lunch and dinner at our university’s cafeteria. She ate so healthy and I ate so badly and I remember how guilty I always felt until I finally decided to eat more like her. I assume it would be the same in a dating situation. Anyways, thank you for providing new insight.
Hi Phyllis,
That’s a tough position to be in. I can understand your frustration, and can imagine that maybe you also have some fear about your partner’s health as well. I know I would.
I kind of wish I had some good advice for you, but given the fact that his heart attack wasn’t – apparently – a wake up call, I kind of wonder what would be. Anything that seems like nagging or mothering probably just irritates him, and I can imagine it irritates you to do it. Somehow, whatever else you do in your relationship, finding some peace for yourself around this seems pretty important to me.
Because you could spend a lifetime trying to think up ways to get him motivated to change, but until he decides for himself that health and wellness are important to him, any changes will be superficial and short lived.
I wish both of you well. Take care.
Nathan
Nathan,
Excellent article! My partner and I both eat meat however he experienced a heart attack a couple of years ago and was told to improve his eating habits. I have tried to be an example for him by eating three meals a day but he only eats one meal a day and it is not a healthy meal. I am frustrated by this as I agree with you that it reflects a piece of his larger attitude towards health and wellness. I hate to nag and don’t want to sound like his mother, but it is becoming a sore place in our relationship.