I feel as though I’ve been crying for a week. As the mother of a pre-teen boy and a teenage girl, I am horrified by the recent gang-rape that took place near Vancouver, BC. What prompts this violence, this degradation?
The fact that the victim’s peers are now coming out and saying that the crime was actually consensual angers me even more. If it indeed was consensual (which I highly doubt) does that make it any better? Of course not. The whole thing never should have happened in the first place.
Who are these so called “peers” and why are they speaking up now, after the fact? Why didn’t they say something at the time? DO something to stop it? If it was consensual (which, I repeat, is doubtful) where the hell were the girl’s “peers” at that point in time? Why didn’t any one of them, male or female, have the human decency to try to save this girl from herself, pull up her pants, try to drag her away from the situation before it got completely out of hand.
I don’t buy the psycho-babble mumbo jumbo “just-world” theory that suggests that these teenagers are deflecting their anxiety and disassociating themselves from the incident by placing the blame on the victim. I call B.S. I don’t buy it, or any other attempt to justify why no one present that night did anything to prevent or stop the incident, consensual or not. There is no reason for not immediately coming to this young woman’s aid.
And what about the young men? Did they think it was funny to stand in line waiting to commit rape? Did they think at all? In one of the first televised reports of the incident we were shown a close up of a condom wrapper as the broadcast concluded. What does this imply? What are we really being told here? That the incident was premeditated? That the perpetrators had thought to bring condoms? That in all the chaos that ensued they would have been capable to use them, or would even have remembered to use them? Give me a break.
Male or female, put yourself at that party. What would you have done? Would you have left? Would you have had the courage to step in? Would you have called the police, an adult, an older sibling, someone’s parents? Ask any boy you know if he would have participated and I guarantee you he will say no. So then why, I ask, why did this happen? Why was there no one “present and accountable” or indignant enough, no one morally outraged enough that night, to DO something to prevent this from happening?
And perhaps what is more mind boggling is how someone could actually stand around and take photos. And post them on the internet. The simple, knee-jerk explanations, drunk, stoned, Peer Pressure, suppositions that the woman was “willing”, are just not good enough answers, in my book.
We see this kind of thing all the time. Pack mentality: human history is riddled with it. We see it in battleground footage, in video tapes of prisoners being tortured and humiliated by their guards, it’s in film, on TV, the internet: rape and torture, acts of subjugation, murder in the name of religion, for territory, political or monetary gain, for peer respect. Scholars and historians have devoted their lives to the study of man’s inhumanity to man. Each generation likes to think they’re more evolved than their predecessors, and yet, nothing seems to change.
As Christopher Holt points out in his recent Life As A Human article, A Woman’s Place, history is also rife with violence and degradation directed specifically at women. There are recent reports that female-against-female violence is also on the rise.
We must dialogue with our boys and our girls. Hold them accountable for their actions. Impress upon them that not only do they have responsibility to themselves, they have social responsibility as well. If we do not set our standards higher and expect more out of ourselves and our children, male and female, history will continue to repeat itself.
Photo Credit
Victim Status says
Thank you for such an insightful post. As someone who was raped less than a week ago, I really appreciate that there are people out there standing up for people like me, and holding accountable those who deserve to be held accountable. Really. Thank you.
Margaret Blackwood says
Mary, darlene, and Tanya, thanks for your insight and openess.
Margaret
Tanya says
I am in shock that this even happened and sickened that so many witnessed the event, someone took pictures and then thought to post on Facebook!!! What is the world coming to!
Thank you for your article…I hope it makes someone start conversation with their teens or parents and perhaps will make someone stop and think and act on something they may witness.
darlene says
when i was 16, i was raped … i never did anything about it at the time and never told anyone until many many years later. i cannot even imagine how this will affect each and every young person involved and it breaks my heart. i do know that as the mother of a teenage son, as a woman who knows the pain of rape and as a human walking this earth, the dialogue and discussion around this is important and your article, christopher’s article and mary’s very personal and courageous article are incredibly important and powerful contributions to the voices that lean towards change and hope. thank you.
Devin says
I was also raped less than a year ago; I was 17 at the time. I’ve been in a support group for adolescents who have suffered from sexual abuse, and I must say that I’m dealing with the flashbacks and shit like that fairly well. I read your comment, and how you said that you don’t know how it will affect every young person involved, and I wanted to let you know that with really intense work on myself, figuring out who I am, picking apart details of the incidents, looking into how I interact with the world, I am healing. To be concise, not all is lost.
Margaret Blackwood says
Devin, Thank you for responding and sharing your story. I cannot even imagine how difficult this last year must have been for you.
Margaret
mary says
Yes, Margaret, this is so horrific. So many questions that should be raised yet aren’t by enough people. Unfortunately Rape is one of those things that, unless it’s happened to you, some people feel it has a grey layer. Which is ridiculous.
thanks for writing this Margaret, it was important. so important.
Margaret Blackwood says
Thanks for your response, Christopher. And thank you for bringing the topic to the forefront in the first place. As a woman and a mother, I feel blessed to be living in Canada, where I am allowed to express my opinions freely, and walk down the street without feeling threatened at every turn. It would be horrifying, unimaginable, to have to live in a constant state of fear in say, a war torn country, where the risk of rape and humiliation is so much higher. I share your hopes for the future of our society and our species as a whole. We can do our best to “set a good example” as my grandmother used to say, and hope that our efforts on a personal level, help.
Margaret
Christopher Holt says
Thank you Maggie for continuing to keep this issue in discussion. This is such a disturbing incident and to start seeing excuses being made by “peers”to minimize the violation is abhorrent. There may be reasons and hopefully we will understand those some day and grow beyond such barbarity as a species, but you are right..there are no excuses