When Pluto’s planet status was officially revoked, my biggest gripe was that its absence completely destroyed the handy solar system mnemonic kids have been memorizing for years. My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine – NINE WHAT?! The suspense is killing me!
Another handy mnemonic cruelly relegated to the mnemonic graveyard. At least this one was actually useless once upon a time though, unlike the following completely useless memory tricks, which I’ve spent the past several years trying desperately to forget.
“Kevin, please come over for gay sex”: This slightly saucy little number is meant to conjure the ranks of biological classification: Kingdom, Phylum, Class, Order, Family, Genius, Species. The thing I find most perplexing about this mnemonic, though, is that it’s a horrible way to propose sexytimes. If Kevin’s actually a homosexual, specifying that it’s gay sex is only redundant. If he isn’t gay, it’s probably going to take something a little stronger than “please” to coax him to change teams.
“Mary went to take a drink / but she would drink no more / for what she thought was H2O / was H2S04”: This cutesy rhyme is supposed to remind you of the molecular formula of sulfuric acid. Because surely that’s the only substance hanging around a chem. lab in an unlabeled Erlenmeyer flask that could ever harm or kill you. Oh. Oh wait.
“Georgie eats oats. Grandpa rode a pig home yesterday”: Because rattling off a few non-sequiturs about Georgie’s dietary habits and Grandpa’s tragic early-onset dementia is so much easier than remembering how to spell “geography”.
The seven sins, remembered via characters on Gilligan’s Island: Let’s see: the Professor pridefully unveils yet another coconut radio while and Ginger lusts after him, earning Mary Ann’s envy. Mr. Howell greedily casts his money while his slothful wife looks on. Meanwhile, the Skipper wraths out at Gilligan and eventually eats him.
It’s actually a pretty neat system, but my problem is this: what are you doing with your life that Gilligan’s Island characters spring to mind faster than IMMORTAL SINS that will DAMN YOUR SOUL for, y’know, ETERNITY?! Priorities, guys.
Yes, ladies and gents, using this uniquely worthless guide, I hereby promise a zero percent increase in the quality of your daily life! And good luck getting the sulfuric acid rhyme out of your head.
Photo Credits
“Protesting for Pluto” Courtesy of www.plutoisaplanet.com
“Gilligan’s Island cast” Public Domain
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I had never actually heard of the King Henry one, but that’s because my mind was jammed with the “Every Good Boy Does Fine” one.
Also, the “F**** Eggs” one, mostly because it was super fun in high school to remember the periodic table through curse words.
!!
friday, i was weighing out a compound and was verifying with doc the correct weight. it was the end of a very long day and he paused, trying to figure out if i did have the right weight. i say, ‘well, king henry died monday drinking chocolate milk, so it should be right, right?’
his response, ‘who did what and when now?’ and i had to explain the mnemonic. seriously, who has never heard king henry died monday drinking chocolate milk?
(turns out i was off by 10x, anyway)
Sorry… meant to add, nice post otherwise.
Ummm… am I missing something here? I’ve never heard it before but shouldn’t the first mnemonic include a word beginning with s rather than b. Unless one of the planets has changed its name while I was asleep, of course.
Oh my gosh, yes! It should be “My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas” — my apologies! See, this is what happens when Pluto gets kicked out: the planets lose order!