Many of us who are on a spiritual path, and probably those who are not on a spiritual path, recognize that our physical bodies are, indeed, energy.
The energy of our past experiences, beliefs born of those experiences and emotions drawn from those experiences is often stored in our cellular, physical self. I’ve always believed, make that I’ve always known, that that was true. Yet I don’t think I fully understood the power of our energetic selves over our physical world until the last few weeks.
Even though I’ve healed so much of my emotional, intellectual, and spiritual pain from my abuse, those horrors and their resulting beliefs are still held in my energetic body. Unbeknownst to me, my energetic body is draining my physical self. That’s a real eye-opener for me, an awareness that I still haven’t come to fully comprehend. My negative beliefs born of that torture have been healed, I know that. And I get that the more I heal emotionally, the worse I become in my physical self.
In the last week or two, I’ve become aware of something in the energy around me — dark and heavy. It weighs on my body, making it so difficult for me to get up in the morning. There’s a heaviness on my shoulders, a growing pain in my neck, my head, ears, eyes — all of my upper body is in such pain. Worse today than yesterday; worse this year than last year.
I know there are physical causes, for my childhood through accidents in my adulthood as I press the envelope to get the adrenaline rush I so love.
Yet this is bigger than those physical causes. I know that now. Twenty-something years ago a Chinese practitioner told me that I had some kind of dark energy around me. She described it as a little man with a snake- like cane. She asked him to leave and said that he complied. And that was that, or so I thought.
About three weeks ago, my EMT and TAT therapist told me that she was sensing a negative and dark energy all around me, like it was attached to my energy system. She urged me to find a Shaman — an energy healer who could cleanse my space from this dark force. She described the energy in exactly the way I’ve been feeling it: wrapped around me, suffocating me, weighing me down.
The thought of something dark attached to me makes me shudder. Part of me — my practical self —says I’m making all this up and it’s hocus pocus woo woo craziness. But a much larger part of me knows it’s true: there is a darkness. I’ve experienced it in the Turtle position, in the Tone that holds me down, in the black oozy creature that I feel in my chest and core chakras.
I’ve come so far. Healed so many things within my emotional and spiritual and intellectual self. Yet there is, indeed, one more step. One more layer to face and heal: my physical and energetic body. I’m scared — I have to admit that. I know this is big, I can sense it even more now that I’m healed in other areas. It’s big, and it’s the last step between me and true freedom. I know that as surely as I know that I must face this darkness to heal.
With my therapist’s help, I found a Shaman. We’re working together later this week. I’ll let you know how it goes —on the Other Side of the Darkness.
I did a number of sweat lodges and vision quests in Sedona over a decade ago. I’ve been on this spiritual path for so long – and have experienced so many levels of healing. Yet since the memories have emerged, I know that I have even deeper healing yet to come.
Keep reading Dan – I think you’ll find an amazing experience in the next post:)
Thriving
Yup, Thriving, know exactly what you mean! I have experienced dark energy as I try to get closer to the light, and at times have felt under attack by those dark energies! Wonderful for you to recognize it happening, courageous for you to confront it! I met with an Indian shaman once, and it was enormously healing. Did a sweat lodge, healed some old wounded parts of me! Amazing experience.
Dan