When I tell people back home that I live in the Middle East, they either regale me with stories of their 2-hour layover in Dubai or they flood me with questions such as:
“OMG, is it safe?”
“Do you have to like, wear that black thingy over your face?”
“Are you totally Muslim now?”
“Do you eat…camels?”
“Women are treated like crap there, right?”
“Wait…can you even drive?”
So, uh…some pretty “interesting” questions from citizens of a country that a vast majority of the world thinks live in igloos and play hockey whilst simultaneously consuming alarming amounts of bacon and maple syrup. Please don’t believe everything the media tells you. Please. In my experience, life in the Middle East has been grossly misrepresented to Western audiences, making these colourful queries seem a bit on the crazy side to those who have spent any time in the area. Unfortunately, it wasn’t that long ago that I was the one asking these questions, so I welcome the opportunity to set the record straight and break down some of these ridiculous stereotypes.*
People I speak to usually think it’s the heat or the religion that would be the most difficult aspect of life in the Middle East, and yes, these are not without their trials. However, what has really proven to be a hurdle for me and certainly for many Westerners living in the area is time. This seemingly simple concept is one we often take for granted and think should be more or less the same wherever we go. I’m here to tell you that this is most definitely NOT the case!
Now every Canadian knows the importance of a schedule. A random survey of people waiting at a bus stop in minus 30-degree weather will no doubt point to this fact. A late bus could very well mean the difference between keeping all your toes and losing a few to frostbite. Scary stuff! Our summers are short as well and nice weekends come at a premium. How many BBQs can one have before the first snow comes and how many music festivals can one attend before space heaters and blankets become a necessity? Scheduling is certainly a big part of life in the Great White North.
Generally, Westerners like us Canucks view time in a very linear way, with tasks done one by one and appointments and timetables adhered to in near military-like fashion. We manage, waste, spend, buy and lose time and are, in effect, bound by its constraints. We punch the clock at our jobs, arrive extraordinarily early for job interviews, catch trains and buses down to the minute, and receive attendance marks and tardy slips at school. Professors have even been known to lock the doors to classrooms to teach a lesson to those latecomers who don’t respect “the schedule.” Crappy time management has consequences. I mean, don’t even think about handing that essay in an hour late if you don’t want 10% docked off your grade! And who among us hasn’t suffered the burning humiliation of having to sneak late into a class, a meeting, or a packed school gymnasium where everyone turns to look at you like you’ve committed some sort of heinous crime? The shame is palpable people.
Time in the Middle East is regarded in a very different way, much to the confusion and frustration of the many people visiting or living here who come from different time cultures, particularly for those of us from the West. Unlike us, people here are not at the mercy of the clock. Their lives revolve around building relationships instead of focusing on tasks. Being “late” is not necessarily a concept that translates well. Of course there are exceptions to this rule and there are certainly Arabs that would feel most at home in a Western time culture, but in a general sense, quality of life and the intricate weaving of social and familial relationships always trump the clock in this desert land.
A collective belief of inshallah (God willing) and mektoub (fate) drive the actions and decisions of people in this area. One simply arrives when one arrives, and things get done when they get done. Whatever happens and whenever it happens is just, “meant to be”, a difficult concept to wrap our heads around for those of us raised with different belief and cultural systems. Days here revolve around the calls to prayer, which ring out from mosques five times throughout the day. Acting as a kind of “time regulator” for people, the prayer schedule is accurate down to the minute, only changing slightly throughout the seasons. While this strict adherence to time may seem out of sync with the rest of daily life in the Middle East, it just shows the high importance of religion in the hearts and minds of the people.
Travellers who come here from Western cultures, or even places like Korea or Japan, are often very frustrated. When Western expatriates were asked for this article how to describe the Middle Eastern time culture, many answered, “aggravating, limited, and too laid back.” Some found it difficult to make plans and run errands with the lack of control over their schedules being especially disconcerting to them. They disliked the spontaneity of plans, the relaxed approach to work, and the general slowness of life. The juxtaposition between the two time cultures is vast and it can feel a bit like throwing a speeding car into reverse if you aren’t adequately prepared.
Interviewees also reported feeling trapped between two worlds, having to adjust to jobs, families, and friends from both cultures. One Western woman described how she had booked an American-run restaurant for her child’s birthday party from 6-8pm. True to form, her Middle Eastern in-laws showed up nearly an hour and a half late. Locally this is a perfectly acceptable amount of time to arrive after the start of an event, considering parties here often run late into the night. Unfortunately, the host was obligated to start taking down decorations and cleaning up in order to get her deposit back and make way for the next scheduled event at the restaurant.
A situation such as this is tricky, as both sides felt offended. The American, for her guests not showing up at the specified time and not participating in the birthday celebrations, and her in-laws for being made to feel unwelcome as the host cleaned up around them with no time to sit and chat. Not only that, the party was scheduled between the last two prayer times of the day, which are quite close together. Many locals would find this time for a party odd and not show up until after both prayers. As you can see, navigating time interactions between expats and locals while still showing respect for both cultures can be a very difficult and delicate skill to master.
With so much negativity that can understandably arise when one is thrown out one’s comfort zone, it’s great to know that people do adapt and can find the positives in this way of life. You might begin to appreciate the fact that you’ve left the rat race behind and there is actual time for the sweeter things in life. Other interviewees also described this type of time culture as “enlightening, flexible, spontaneous, relaxing, liberating, and down-to-earth.” One British ex-pat feels that people are calmer here, less busy, and have more confidence without all the stress that tends to bog down people in the West.
So then, if you are planning on making a trip to this gorgeous area of the world to soak up some sun, sand and shisha, here is some advice from seasoned expats on how to prepare yourself for a completely new time culture.
“Dig a Little Deeper”
I know it sounds dreadfully cliché but try to comprehend why people do the things they do. It’s easy to become frustrated when the reasoning behind cultural habits is not understood. Often, there is a logical explanation for these things. Why is the little family-run shop closed at 2pm when the sign says it’s open from noon to four? Well, perhaps there was a death in the family. Religious customs dictate that there is only a short window of time for the body to be washed and buried. For someone to not be present during this time could be considered very disrespectful. Why is your friend late to meet you for coffee? Perhaps she had an unexpected visit from her grandmother, or was waiting to pray before she left. Everyone’s schedule is connected to everyone else’s schedule and cutting short a previous engagement might not be possible depending on who is involved. Respect must be carefully navigated through familial, societal and cultural norms.
“Take that ‘Assalamu alaikum’ super freaking seriously”
The standard greeting over here is “assalamu alaikum” or in English, “peace be upon you”. Think about that for a minute. Then think about it some more. Then act on it. Even if you believe you have loads of patience already (like I naively did), be prepared to stretch it to the limits. Paperwork won’t happen here immediately and appointments are often suggestions, so let go of your Western expectations and give yourself extra time to do what you need to do. Sticking rigidly to a schedule that has no flexibility and no cushion will only make you feel angry and frustrated, two emotions that people don’t show in public very often in this area of the world. Displaying anger here will often get you nothing but odd looks from passersby and will solve very little.
“Well in MY country, we don’t do it that way.”
Try not to impose your cultural expectations on another culture. Take the time to listen and understand the place you’re in and the people around you. Go with the flow and don’t take it personally when the AC repair man leaves mid-way through his job to go pick up his father from the airport and then comes back and eats his MacDonald’s on your kitchen table, a true story from one Scottish expat in the area. What is offensive to you might not be considered offensive to others and vice versa. Remember that just because something is not done your way, doesn’t mean it’s the wrong way, it just means it’s different. There are benefits and drawbacks to both time cultures. Don’t let an ethnocentric attitude blind you to all the advantages of life in a new place. Respect those around you travelling at a different speed. You can decide to either fight time, or embrace the lifestyle and adapt. Guess which one you should choose?
“Embrace the Chaos”
Above all, enjoy the freedom that comes with not being bound to the clock. Even if a deadline is sprung on you with little notice, which often happens here in a culture that lives in the moment instead of planning everything to death, missing it does not mean the end of the world! While this is in no way a promotion of slacking off in your job, it doesn’t hurt to realize that people are very flexible here and you should be too!
Use the opportunity you’ve been given to chill out! Read a book, sign up for a course, have a guiltless nap, or take up a hobby and find the spontaneity in life. Appreciate the shops being open until midnight or later and enjoy the hustle and bustle of family outings in the evenings. Foster relationships with people and see that Middle Eastern, world-renowned hospitality and helpfulness at work.
So if you’re planning a vacation (which you should totally do, it’s beautiful here), or thinking of relocating for a job, take into consideration the background of the culture and these time tips to help you adapt more easily. If you can stand the heat, and bear to be parted from your day planner, come on over, I’ll be waiting for you at the airport when your flight comes in. Or not. Deal with it.
* In answer to the questions at the start of this article, Erin would like you to know that:
- Yes, it’s generally safe.
- No, she doesn’t have to wear the niqab or hijab.
- She’s living just fine in her religiousless secular existence thankyouverymuch.
- Yes, you can get a fine camel burger on many menus here, but she hasn’t actually taken more than a bite because it’s a mental thing that she’s still working on so leave her alone.
- She’s become a freaking expert in avoiding accidents on the road and only uses her horn twice daily, which is down from 14 times an hour.
- She is also prone to hyperbole.
- It certainly doesn’t feel like being treated like crap when you can bypass the 30-deep line up of men at government offices with shady air conditioning in 50 degree heat because you possess a rockin’ pair of ovaries. Bam.
Photo Credit
Arab Clock – Courtesy of Erin Smith
Guest Author Bio
Erin Smith
Erin Smith is currently an English teacher in the stunningly beautiful country of Oman located in the Gulf. She has been traipsing around the world for the last decade, living in places like Morocco, Mongolia, Korea, Thailand, and Italy, collecting hilarious travel stories that her friends and family back in Canada are probably extremely tired of her repeating.
At the moment she is halfway through her online MA in Intercultural and International Communication at Royal Roads University in Victoria, Canada which has left little to no time to pursue her great passions of making other people laugh and being the laziest she can be.
Erin has posted a funny version of this post at BuzzFeed
Recent Guest Author Articles:
- Empowered to Advocate: How to Become the Voice for the Silent
- How to Build a Celebration-Ready Wine Cellar
- Wander, Discover, Reflect: My Most Surprising Finds in Las Vegas
- Creating Meaningful Connections: What Ecosystems and Families Teach Us About Belonging
- How Breathwork Creates a Pathway Through Trauma: Beyond Traditional Approaches
Please Share Your Thoughts - Leave A Comment!