They say that time heals all wounds. The death of a spouse or child or parent or anyone for that matter can be so devastating that some people just stop living. The wounds never heal, they can’t find joy in anything, they are standing at the edge of the abyss and wishing somehow they could jump. But they are caught between wanting to be with their loved one on the other side or continuing on with those that are left behind. You are not alone in your grief, others are grieving too, you just can’t see them because your own pain blinds you.
Christmas is coming up in a month and for many it is a time to weep, a time to lie in bed with the covers over your head, a time to scream and yell and wish that
Christmas would just piss off.
It doesn’t, it can’t. Christmas is a time for many to look inward, to find solace and hope. It is a spiritual time of gratitude and thankfulness for many, a time of wonder and childlike magic. Christmas is about babies looking at the Christmas tree for the first time. That look of awe and expectation of all things good.
As a child, Christmas was one of the most glorious times of the year in our house. My parents would spend hours preparing for parties and dinners and guests. A time for those far away to phone and send their Best Christmas wishes.
The one thing all of us children hoped for on Christmas was snow. Because what could be more fun than building forts and having snow ball fights and making angels in a freshly fallen snow. Taking our toboggans to the hill and putting in some good runs, up and down we would go rosy cheeked and so very happy. Shouting with joy and maybe a bit of fear that your sled would crash but mostly it was about the fun.
Christmas was for me as an adult just as fun as it was for me as a child. For what is Christmas about than tradition, those things that were done as a child will repeat themselves as you age. The parties and get-togethers, reaching out to those that are far away. Waiting for that first snowfall so you can finally get the kids outside to play.
Its about baking cookies and cakes and treats of all kinds. Of making gingerbread houses and telling your child their house was perfect even though it had no walls. Christmas was for us a time of joy! My husband was in charge of the tree and the lights. This was a job he loved and he looked forward to sitting in the dark after the lights were up and just taking in the beauty of the tree. I would say our house was full of love.
Christmas to me now has changed in so many ways. I am a senior, sixty-six years old going on sixty-seven. The past few years my husband was ill with cancer and passed away in 2023. This is my second Christmas without him. Each day is tough but holidays are particularly hard. I had so many wonderful Christmas days with my husband that those memories keep me going. I also have awesome children and great friends that bring me so much joy. Time does heal wounds sort of, time makes it feel not so close.
This Christmas my children and I will celebrate with a beautiful tree and lights and my grandson will be with us, a bonus. He is after all one of our gifts having him here with us. My husband will be with us in spirit, in love in how we remember him every day. But on Christmas we will remember how he loved to look at the tree and how it glowed in the night.
I hope you find the meaning of Christmas in your heart. That you don’t fall prey to lying in bed weeping but that you rejoice in the fact that you are alive and that your loved ones who have passed will be grateful that you have found peace. Peace in your heart and soul, that you know deep down they are happy and without pain or sadness that they too are rejoicing that you are alive.
Wishing you all a very Merry and Bright Christmas!
Photo Credits
Photos by Martha Farley – All Rights Reserved
Such wonderful memories, Martha. Thank you for letting your mind wander and your heart ache, for sharing all the smiles, love and magic with all of us. Wishing you and your family a merry and bright…and peaceful…Christmas. Hugs, Carol xo