My own hell…
Everything happens for a reason… at least that what is said, what I’ve been told in the past. So pedestrian really, no? Like, why do bad things happen to good people? Why do people seem to always get the short end of the stick? Are we really responsible for EVERYTHING that happens in our life, or are there outside forces that come into play here? Yes and yes… I think so anyway. A lot of things are out of our control, but we also have a hand in the process… in the way we use our response. Easier said then done, I know.
Sometimes things align in certain ways due to unforeseen circumstances, sometimes it’s a reaction to an action. Response, coping, acting accordingly is the name of the game here. Do what you have to do, seek outlets… people places or things that can help, not by distraction mind you, because using a distraction doesn’t fix anything. It just buries it.
My life seemed to be kind of doomed from the moment I decided to go on my own. What did I know? Not much. And if I could go back in time… or do we really want to? Shouldn’t we use those as ammunition for the betterment of ourselves? For moving on, for healing? I thought I knew what I wanted, and found an outlet….although it was more of a snare than a path to my own benefit. A teenager, Mr. know-it-all, when in reality, didn’t know what I was getting into. Really didn’t.
In retrospect, I used to feel really stupid and idiotic for not realizing that I was being used and yes, abused. Others saw it, but why did I not? The definition of abuse is: “use or treat in such a way as to cause damage or harm.” or “unjust or corrupt practice.” A person who clearly had no business engaging in a relationship that was abusive, be it not physical per se, but was on another level. It was packaged in a friendly package, and was “the right place at the right time” at least that’s what I thought.
In outward appearances my life SEEMED normal… it was not. Not by a long-shot. I was forced to grow up so fast, part of my adolescence robbed… and I went along with it. My mental health was taking a huge amount of the abuse and I sat there and just took it like some clueless person. But when you fall into an abusive trap, that’s by design, is it not? Sometimes I wonder if it was ignorance due to both parties. I’ve been told that is some sort of defensive mechanism abuse victims use to justify the fact they suffered through something. Was I at fault in any way, or was I taken advantage of? Did I create my own hell?
I guess the point of this is that I question if the end justifies the means. NO ONE should be made to suffer, be mistreated, or abused. But in the end, what happens to the victims? Do we allow this to ruin us, making our own hell, or do we use it, turn it into fuel that explodes the flames upwards like a phoenix rising from the ashes? Or do we become kings and queens of the ashes?
Current Listen: “Why Me?” – Krizz Kaliko
“How many damages. He hit the nail right on the head, but never knew right where the hammer was…”
Photo Credits
Photos are by Joel Rosario – All Rights Reserved
Guest Author Bio
Joel Rosario
Just a human trying to deal in this mad world. Allow me to share random thoughts and observations about my life and the commonality we all share as humans. Through music, quotes, etc.
Website: Resound and Rebel
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