The parable of the alcoholic stuck in a hole has always resonated deeply with me. Before I mustered up the courage to go into detox and treatment, I found myself stuck in a black hole for the second time in my life. I did not think I would make it out alive this time. The story of the alcoholic stuck in a hole goes like this:
A drunk fell in a hole and couldn’t get out. A businessman went by. The drunk called out for help. The businessman threw him some money and told him get yourself a ladder. But the drunk could not find a ladder in this hole he was in.
A doctor walked by. The drunk said, “Help, I can’t get out.” The doctor gave him drugs and said, “Take this, it will relieve the pain.” The drunk said, “Thanks” but when the pills ran out, he was still in the hole.
A renowned psychiatrist rode by and heard the drunk’s cries for help. He stopped and said, “How did you get there? Were you born there? Were you put there by your parents? Tell me about yourself, it will alleviate your sense of loneliness.” So the drunk talked with him for an hour, then the psychiatrist had to leave, but he said he’d be back next week. The drunk thanked him, but he was still in his hole.
A priest came by and the drunk called for help. The priest gave him a Bible and said “I’ll say a prayer for you.” He got down on his knees and prayed for the drunk, then left. The drunk was very grateful, he read the Bible, but he was still stuck in that hole.
A recovering alcoholic happened to be passing by. The drunk cried out, “Hey, help me, I’m stuck in this hole.” Right away, the recovering alcoholic jumped in the hole with him. The drunk said, “What are you doing? Now we’re both stuck here.” But the recovering alcoholic said, “It’s okay, I’ve been here before, I know how to get out.”
Every time I read this, it reminds me of one particular night. Struggling from addiction, alcoholism, depression and suicidal thoughts, I had left Florida and returned home to my family. I promised them I would come back better and stronger than ever. I was terribly mistaken. It was the beginning of June 2018. My older brother’s birthday was June 1st and my younger brother’s birthday was June 7th. We were going to have a celebration of both their birthdays. It would be the first time I would be present for a family birthday in what felt like many moons. The alcoholic and addict in me took over. I found a bottle of the painkiller, Tramadol in the bathroom. I had a bottle of whiskey stashed and hidden away in the bathroom as well. I thought this was normal. I am not an addict or an alcoholic, I am just a victim of life treating me unfairly. Little did I know, those are the thoughts of an addict and alcoholic. I was being secretive with my drinking, for I did not want my family to come between me and my alcohol. Once again, little did I know, these were all signs of a true alcoholic and addict. I spent a good amount of time in the bathroom, throwing back shot after shot of whiskey. I remember I eventually started vomiting blood. What was supposed to be a family gathering turned into another early blackout. I was physically present but I was not mentally, emotionally or spiritually present. I stepped outside on the front porch to get some fresh air. I was too weak to stand. I just laid down on the porch with the whole world spinning. I was stuck in a black hole. Next thing I know, the sun is in my eyes and I am waking up on the front porch. My first thought of the morning is of course, “I need a drink.”
I would spend these next few days drinking and drugging. I felt like a zombie trying to march into his grave. Death was certainly what I was begging for. It had to be better than this life I was living. After a trip to the emergency room, my family decided enough was enough. The person that was laying in a hospital bed before them was not the Kevin they remembered before drugs and alcohol took control. My family decided to offer me a way out of this black hole in a desperate attempt to turn my life around. I finally agreed to go into a detox and treatment center. I had never tried to get clean and sober for fourteen going on fifteen years. I did not know what life was like without drugs or alcohol. The idea of living my life without it was frightening, as I was most comfortable with myself under the influence. Drugs and alcohol was my medicine. Drugs and alcohol are what makes me, me. I was wrong about that ideology for those fourteen-plus years.
Once I got out of my detox and treatment center, I decided it was best for me to relocate to a sober living house. My parent’s home, out west where my addiction took off, the backwoods of Georgia, north Florida- all these places were haunted by the ghost of my former self. I had to get away from the painful memories as far as possible. I climbed out of the black hole I was in thanks to strong support and love from my family. I had an incredible experience at my detox and treatment center. I ended up where I was supposed to be with faith and spiritual guidance. I got back on my feet and landed in a loving recovery community. I will certainly never forget where I came from. I am grateful for the clean and sober life I live now. I have discovered that it is possible to be myself without the need to drink or use drugs. It is now my goal to jump back into these holes I was in, but this time to help other alcoholics and addicts climb out. I have found strength and purpose in life thanks to my black hole experiences.
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Guest Author Bio
Kevin Repass
Kevin is a recovering drug addict and alcoholic. He has found purpose in writing for websites in hopes of encouraging and inspiring others who struggle with addiction.
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