Relationships can be blissful, but at times, like ‘all good things’ (and bad), some relationships come to an end. Therefore, you must embrace the change and move forward. However, for some, that’s a lot easier said than done. If it’s ‘so over,’ here are a few ways to help move on rather than dwell.
Accept It’s the End
Some people take a break and get back together. Some couples need a break, yet most part ways for a good reason and it stays that way. To start, accept that it’s the end. Sure, it may be the end now so another beginning can start, but that’s in the future. It’s much more positive to move forward and accept the fact that the relationship, as you knew it, is now over. It’s a bitter pill to swallow but take your medicine; it’s good for you. Move on and explore your future.
Take Time to Heal
Breaking up is hard whether you were dumped or the dumper. Regardless who ended it and why, you need time to re-center, refocus, and re-engage in the single life. That doesn’t mean you have to start dating right away. It means you have to get familiar with yourself and your independence. It’s suggested that you don’t jump into another relationship before you’re fully over the prior relationship. Taking time does not mean that you need to sit at home, sulk, or analyze the end of the relationship. Start doing the things you love such as exercising, seeing plays, hanging with friends, etc.
Don’t Be Negative
It’s easier for some to be positive, but staying away from a negative state of mind is especially useful after a breakup. Don’t hold onto harsh feelings about your ex. Even if they did something to hurt you, let it go. It’s their duty to focus on their journey toward a better self just as it’s your duty to focus on you. Dwelling on the past and being negative will only make it harder to get over the relationship, which could mean missed opportunities in work, new relationships, etc. If you have trouble ‘getting over’ the relationship and getting happy, consider seeking the help of a good counselor.
A busy mind is a happier mind. Be sure that your schedule is filled with things to do whether it’s spending time with friends, seeing new places or adopting a new hobby. It’s much easier to move on from a relationship when you’re busy. If you have too much time on your hands, your mind will start to wander and that could mean dwelling on the past. Do yourself a favor; each Sunday, schedule your entire week, making sure you have little downtime.
Stay Away from the Ex
Some couples can break apart and have no problems being friends. However, that is a unique situation and is uncommon. Most times, it’s best to distance yourself from the other person. That means avoiding them in person, abstaining from sending texts, and being mindful of going places at certain times. Sure, you’ll want to be courteous, so know some perfect responses to send if your ex texts you. In some cases, you may have to see them (you are in the same class or you have a child together), so it’s best to keep things short and positive. Don’t get caught in an argument or be the therapist for the other person if they are having trouble getting over the breakup. You have to focus on you and not let the other person drain you of energy.
Regardless of the trajectory of your former relationship and how it ended, be sure that you love yourself. Rather than focus on the past, focus on the person you want to be today and tomorrow. Try to improve each day, taking small steps toward ‘perfection.’ Of course, no one is perfect but we all can strive toward being our ‘perfect selves.’ Life’s a journey and reaching goals requires love, especially love of oneself.
Some people have no problems being positive. Others need a bit of help. Focus on staying surrounded by positivity. That may mean spending more time with an upbeat friend or family member, listening to particular songs and artists, and making time for the things that keep you especially happy. Think of positivity as a prescribed medicine. After a breakup, the heart is ‘sick’ and positivity is the way to make you get better quicker. Remember that being positive is not the same as not being negative. The former activity is proactive while the latter is reactive.
Photo is pixabay public domain
Guest Author Bio
David Taylor is a relationship therapist with a psychology degree. He writes articles for a range of print magazines as well as blogs and websites sharing his insights into our hearts.