It is always risky to generalize from a few experiences and draw conclusions about an entire culture, but I am inclined to do so. I’ll tell you what I learned from the women I met in the Philippines.
My clear sense is that they have very hard lives. There seems to be a pattern – although it is not universal – for young women to meet the men they love, marry, and have a child or two or three. There is nothing remarkable about that.
Grace Suyom, Filipina
What I found remarkable is that their men frequently found one or two women to keep on the side and they spend their time with those women. Eventually, these men leave their wives and children to live full time with their new women. They abandon the responsibilities of their wives and children with amazing regularity. Furthermore, Philippine society is organized in such a way that this is tolerated. Over the centuries, the Philippines has developed ways of handling this state of affairs.
Since it is such a common event, men don’t judge other men harshly when they abandon their wives and children. It seems to be accepted as a regrettable but normal state of affairs.
The women don’t take legal action against their husbands for several reasons – they see it as pointless. They may not be able to find their husbands to file papers; the courts are slow and unwieldy; the women barely have enough money to survive, much less pay for legal action. And their husbands are poor so they have little to contribute to the welfare of their children even when they are served with court orders, which are rarely enforced.
It was equally surprising to me that women would put themselves in this sad state of affairs. I am certain that these abandoned women, at one time, had confidence in their men and were willing to take their vows and have children. It seems to me that there is a cultural blindness in the Philippines that prevents women from assessing their prospective mates objectively and selecting their husbands with more stringent due diligence.
There are, I believe, two forces that prevent women from carrying out a more deliberate assessment. First, there is the Catholic Church – which still has a pervasive influence throughout all parts of society in this country to an extent not seen in other countries since the Middle Ages. It encourages young couples to marry and have children (presumably Catholic children!). Marriage and children, then, become aims in themselves. Society in general and the Church in particular drive women to marry.
The other facilitating force is the barangay. The barangay is a form of political and social organization I have not come across in any other country. A barangay is a community of some 400 to 700 families that live in a particular area and has an elected (if nevertheless corrupt) governing council that deals with all local issues. These issues span situations such as conflicts between shopkeepers and customers, the cleaning of streets and providing for local schools, to vouching for the character of its members who want to apply for jobs or passports.
Tuk Tuk on Sequihor, Philippines
Extended families live within these barangays. Whenever anyone in the family needs help, the other members of the family are there to provide that help. As this plays out in practice, many members of the family fail to take steps to look after their own welfare because they know that the other members of the family are morally required to meet their needs. The result, from my perspective, is that the members of these families seem to live in one of two states. On the one hand, there are those who live in a state of on-going crisis. Deserted mothers and children certainly fall into this group. On the other hand there are the somewhat productive members of the family in the barangay who are constantly called on to share their meager earnings with those in crisis. This, interestingly, inhibits those with promise from getting the education they need or starting business ventures at hand because they can never set aside the necessary resources. They need to contribute those resources to meeting the extant crises of the other members of their extended families.
To really appreciate how this operates, we need to take the values about personal responsibility and self-development we share in the West and turn it on its head. Unfortunately, this inverted logic creates a climate that actually assists women to have children, be abandoned and live lives of poverty and desperation.
As a Westerner who met these Filipinas on a one-on-one basis, I felt compelled to assist the women in their moments of crisis. After a couple months, I realized that I was falling into a trap. I had unwittingly adopted their value system. I realized that the women were manipulating me – as they manipulate others – to assist them in handling their crises even though they had created the crises themselves!
In order to improve the lot of the women in the Philippines, the entire culture must undergo shifts in its values on the same order of magnitude as the women’s liberation movement in the West some 30 years ago. Specifically, Filipina women need to come to understand that they hold their destinies in their own hands. Further, they need to feel a moral obligation to manage their own lives to their benefit. This is the task of generations yet to come.
Photo Credits
Photos by Jan Wall – all rights reserved
I really enjoyed your insightful article. We take our social structures so much for granted in the West that is easy to judge others assuming those same constructs exist in their society.
Finally got time to read your article Jan and it was worth reading. Very well explained and may I say you were even tactful. Let us know when you post again.
Ed, I will post every week. And each post will have a different focus.
Stay tuned.
Jan
Jan,
Just want to say Great.
Everyday more hope you continus to write about the woman, exspecial Viet Nam woman. Hooray.
Thanks for your interest. Yes, I will write more about women. Years ago when I was traveling through Italy, I noticed that it was the women who did all the real work – at least in the tourist trade. The men sat around drinking coffee with their buddies.
Jan
Dear Jan,
I read with interest the article on Philippines, but as Italian I have to say that you are wrong about Italy. Probably women do the “real work” as maids in the hotels (but not as receptionists or porters), but it absolutely does not belong to the Italian Culture “men in the bars and women at work” (well.men in the bar after work…if the unemployment rates are not too high). … In the Italian culture a father must provide to his family…(I remember that modern Anglo Saxon high culture is based on Latin culture) well the things are not different in Italy (you know the concept of Pater familias?). I don’t know the places You visited, but probably the men were fishermen or builders if they belonged to the low class. In Italy is a shame if a woman work and her husband goes to the bar (without providing to his family)….not to talk about abandoning family …the Law in that case is quite strict, (the traditional vision was that a woman had not to work, but she had to care at the house….at least as far it concerns the more traditional places)…to be honest I have seen situation alike Philippine more in London or in some big metropolis ghetto.
Claudio, I would be the first to admit that my comments were based on a limited sample size of only a couple dozen events around Rome. Further, that experience was some 20 years ago and may well be dated.
Thanks for explaining that what I saw was NOT representative of the culture as a whole.
Interesting, blame the Filipina for her husband’s desertion? When I read about the barangays, which was interesting, my first thought was “what a good community-type thing”. Then I thought, “whoops, unintended consequences”. And finally, “hey, not so different from the west’s Welfare State”, except less paperwork, and the whole country shares the load, and not just one poor bloke who gets hit up. But does the system breed dependency, really? Does the Welfare State? There is research on this, and I think the answer is No.
No, I am not saying I blame the women because their men desert them. I have a different point. I don’t think it’s a good idea to stand on the railway tracks when a train is coming. If you know that trains use the tracks, then get off. In that case, Yes, I blame the guy who gets run over and not the train.
I’m surprised and disappointed that the women don’t see the patterns and take steps to deal with them. Many of the women Imet aged 35 and up wanted nothing to do with Filipino men. They, apparently, had learned form experience.
Jan
Very insightful Jan! As you stated, a mass conscious shift is the only way out of this dilemma. I noticed you made a shift by your own realization. Looking forward to more of your observation :))
Yes, I did see the pattern and decided not to participate any longer.
Great read Jan. Lest I be called a cynic, I am not sure it really is to women’s benefit to marry…even here in Canada!
Actually, I share your view on that. In Europe – particularly the Nordic countries – many couples never get married. And those who do often wait ten years or more.
Jan
Interesting observations. Other cultures are often very different than ours.
You are right – the cultures of each country are quite different. However, in each case, the people in each of those cultures have difficulty seeing another way of organizing themselves. Even though many people claim that the US and Canada are very similar, I always suffer a slight culture shock even as soon as I get to the border guards. It goes on with the service station attendants and the waitresses. They just are how they are so much it seems perfectly natural – even immutable !
Jan
Akin to the slow food movement, your slow travel allows a richer appreciation of what is on offer. Savor the experiences and keep writing! Your perspectives are intriguing and insightful. Maybe the next one won’t leave me feeling as sad though.. Perhaps a feel good story? Somet:hing to offset the nitty gritty reality your slower travel reveals. Thanks for posting!
Thanks, Erik. Generally I am far more upbeat.
Jan
Great stuff, Jan…. I will be watching your trans-global progress with interest.
Stay tuned, Anthony. The saga is just beginning. Life happens to me and I drink it in.
Jan
Jan,
Interesting article. It is very hard for many cultures to adopt the U.S. value of individualism and individual responsiblitity.
I may be in the Philippines in a few months and we should hookup if you are still there.
Tom, The American rhetoric about individuality is the strongest in the world. However, in practice, the US has the same tendency to group as other societies. Look at all the professional associations. Ex-military men often love their time in the service. Americans probably have a closer affinity to their employer than in most other societies.
Jan