Sisters

There were two.  Now there is none.  They were here.  Now they are gone.
Mary was one.  Terri two.  You stay in my heart, each dear sweet you.

Gone forever, but not in my mind.  Each in your ways so deeply kind.
And now you are gone to that far beyond.
Beyond what we see but also so true.  My dear sisters, I write this for you.
And for me too.
In my mind and my heart, you will never depart.

Mary:

Quietly hurting so hard inside.  As an infant Mary scarred, then cried.
It was a terrible burn that never fully left.  When you left we were all bereft.
You went away, that terrible day.

The time came so much too soon.  You would talk and then fall into a swoon.  
You fell upon the floor.  For a while, not conscious any more.
Now you are gone, never again to see the dawn.
But still today you and I are one.  I think of you with each rising sun.

The story is sad but true.  Psychiatrists came in to work with you.
Psychomotor epilepsy they said.  Mary its in your head.
How wrong they were but also right.
How tired you were, this constant fight.

After years of torment the day unexpectedly came.
The eye doctor gently addressed your name.
Mary, it’s a tumor in your brain.  There is no one to blame.
It was a blind spot that he found.  Where you couldn’t see as you looked around.
A tumor yes, he was truly right.  We held you close with all our might.
Into surgery you bravely went.  You never came home.  The deed was done.
So you had to leave us.  
That surgery that did not work.
It was one of nature’s tragic quirks.  
I would see you never more.
Nature’s grace had closed the door.

 

Terri:

Years passed from that day when Mary went away.
Terri the younger and I would play.
Often not knowing what to say.

Terri you would laugh  as we ran
Silly games, like kick the can
We talked of wolves and other beasts
And for a while
Thought of Mary never more, or rarely more.
We knew deep down she was never more.

We had much joy, those days of yore.
But it too was soon to be never more.
The joy then left
From joy again to a space bereft.
That day I called.
It was a theft.

It was your birthday.
I had so much to say.
But you cried when you picked up the phone.
Suddenly there I was, so all alone.

Pancreatic cancer had just killed our mom
I dropped the phone and wept alone.
With anger and disbelief
How can I hide this new found grief.  

Cancer had come your way.
I will never forget that horrible day.
There you were upon your bed, pale and forlorn
My kids… I won’t see them grow, for I too will be gone
And now John you must live alone.
Oh how these things I deplore
When nature again says never more.

They burnt, those tears from my eyes.
Yes, I did try my grief to disguise
Now I know
It was for some internal show
And so unwise.

See nature had another plan.
Still today I ache to ban.
In ways unwise I tried to disguise
The vacuum through my heart tore.
Soon you too would be never more.

Is it true another sister dies?
From that there was no true disguise.

You had just said goodbye to your horses dear.
You rode with fun, and with no fear.
You loved those horses
Deep friends through so many courses
You shared together
In whatever weather.

I watched through the window.
Your body now frail like a spindle.
For a while you stayed, indeed you stayed.
And then upon your bed you laid.
No more horses you adored
For your outside time will be never more.

With failing grief,
I sank upon the floor

 

End:

What is the world that takes away such treasures?
Those who had been such pleasures.
I blocked the thought, or so I thought.
In nature’s way, nature wrought.

How do we grieve where lives are shortened?
Shortened yes, but not forgotten.

For some years those nighttime dreams
Came screaming through my deepest seams.
And yes, they brought with them hidden screams.
Those two sisters of my dreams.

Nature is not the way it seems.
I had to learn from those dreams.

As years have passed they still return.
Always my sisters, for you I’ve yearned.

Goodbye dear ones and stay awhile.
From my tears I try to smile.
At least for a little while.
Or is it never more?
No…that I would deplore!

You each will live with me forever more
So let’s say never to never more.

~

P.S.

It was for you, violence in nature’s way
But sisters my love will stay.
Not just now, but every day.
Words in grief are hard to say.
But its my heart that says
You will never go away
For that I pray.
Its another day.

 

Photo Credit

Image from The Microsoft Office Clipart Collection

 

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Guest Author Bio

John Fentress
I began my academic studies in psychology, with a minor in the biological sciences. From an early age I sought to explore the roots both of human existence and our relationships to nature. I had the amazing good fortune to live life with a special wolf when I pursued my PhD studies at Cambridge UK. The field is called “ethology”, the comparative and biological study of behavior. In addition to my scientific studies, which have moved into the neurosciences, I have long had deep philosophical interests concerning questions such as what we as humans are all about, and how we connect with the universe more generally.

Blog / Website: Lupey Wolf

 

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