Legwarmers © Harvey Edwards
It is never easy news to hear. I have known Susan and Michael for over 18 years. I’ve shared tasty home cooked meals with them, swam in their pool on hot summer days and hung Christmas ornaments at many of their annual tree trimming parties. They are part of my “extended” family and I am part of theirs. The news came only a few months after moving from Southern California to Northern California. Michael was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. When Susan first told me, I felt like someone hit me in the gut. Michael was still working-functioning in a sales job and playing tennis several times a week. The symptoms had crept up on him slowly and almost imperceptibly. That’s the tricky thing about this disease. As first it can appear as the short-term memory loss that many people experience with aging. Then there’s the doubt you feel when a loved one says, “Where did that come from” when he is the one who brought “that” into the house.
My friend, Susan has always been pro-active when it comes to health. But I worried as much about her as I did Michael. In many ways, Susan was losing the man she knew as her husband. The life they had planned for their retirement was not going to happen in the way they envisioned it. He’d soon have to quit his job. They might never travel overseas again.
Then there were the endless questions: How would family members receive the news? What would this mean to their day-to-day lives? Would medication help? Does the disease progress with everyone? When Michael started a kitchen fire that was the beginning of the end of leaving him home alone. Now, Susan’s activities were restricted more than ever. And then came the depression. Like a heavy grey pale draping her entire life, her husband’s condition triggered a depression for Susan that lasted for a very long time. Susan was losing the Michael she once knew. I felt I was losing the friend I once knew. Aching in my heart, I felt entirely helpless to help Susan. Often, when we spoke, I felt as if I was speaking in a vacuum. I felt as if my words, my concern and my love were lost to her.
But what I most want to share about is the journey that Susan walked during that year-long depression… and still walks. She continued being with her husband and enjoying the family gatherings as much as she could. A sole business owner, she continued to provide good service to her clients. She took care of herself by finding and joining a support group. She eloquently states her situation, “I am alone in my experiences. But I do not have to walk this journey alone.” She never tried to sidestep her depression… she allowed herself to move through it.
Today we spoke about some of the lessons she is learning. She remarked that one of the biggest lessons is learning to live in the moment. Although she is no longer in a deep depression, those moments of depression happen. But they do not “take her out.” In her own words, Susan “experiences them… and moves on.” She has reached out to family members and asked for help. A couple of them have come forward. Michael is still changing… and yes, Susan is losing the man she once knew. But now she can often find joy and gratitude in the man she now knows. She is no longer in “survival” mode: she embraces her experiences as ever-changing aspects of her journey.
I have chosen the beautiful image of Harvey Edwards’ print “Leg Warmers” to represent Susan’s story. Susan’s life experiences with Michael reflect the strength, endurance and resilience that are the hallmark of a professional ballerina. Her life is a reflection of the ballerina’s tattered leg warmers: for me, these represent all the hard knocks, tough experiences and arduous hours of work that life often extracts of us. However – also like the ballerina in this print — though Susan has been through a very painful time, she is poised and ready to embrace the next moment: and she accepts each precious experience as part of her dance with life.
Image Credit
Image is by Harvey Edwards – All Right Reserved – Used With Permission
First posted at The Inspired Caregiver
Guest Author Bio
Jeannie Thomas
Jeannie Thomas is the founder of The Inspired Caregiver.
Like many caregivers, she entered the rooms of caregiving through a series of unplanned events. After an auto accident and unable to perform her work in massage therapy, she offered to assist a neighbor who was dying from bone cancer. His family members lived outside California and they needed 24-hour care for their father. Jeannie felt that it was a privilege to care for this man during the final stage of his life and was with him when he died.
From that first encounter, she became a dedicated caregiver. She discovered that much of what she had learned from massage therapy about “being vs. doing” was very useful in her new work.
Read more about Jeannie Thomas here!
Follow Jeannie: Facebook | LinkedIn
Recent Guest Author Articles:
- Empowered to Advocate: How to Become the Voice for the Silent
- How to Build a Celebration-Ready Wine Cellar
- Wander, Discover, Reflect: My Most Surprising Finds in Las Vegas
- Creating Meaningful Connections: What Ecosystems and Families Teach Us About Belonging
- How Breathwork Creates a Pathway Through Trauma: Beyond Traditional Approaches
Please Share Your Thoughts - Leave A Comment!