A happy marriage or partnership is good for the soul with studies now showing that we can even live longer if we’re lucky enough to be in a good or happy marriage. Our media and society seems obsessed with celebrities hooking up and having babies. But it feels at times that the media is even more obsessed with marriage failures and relationship break ups. Our human instincts or “soul’s purpose” programs us to crave intimacy and companionship from our mate. For females there is an even stronger urge to reproduce and have happy and healthy children. But as someone who is presently having marriage counseling I am amazed at how much I have learned – not only about my partner and some of the underlying issues causing problems within, but the basics about partner relationships. For example, stages of relationships and how to effectively communicate with your partner. It almost seems comical to me that while good marriages and partnerships are the building blocks to a healthy community, it has taken me a lot of time and money to invest in something that is key to my soul’s happiness.
I’m not sure about your schooling days, but my catholic school was great at teaching us about religion, different types of religion and the essentials such as science and maths. I suppose society leaves the example of healthy, positive relationships to the role of our parents and families. The difficulty for me growing up, hence the need for intensive relationship therapy now, was my dysfunctional family and parental relationship role model. Every time I read statics about marriage failure in society (is it half or one third that end in divorce these days?) it makes me realize how many other children are by-products of not only separated parents but children growing up in dysfunctional family units. Surely it would help to teach children at a school age level about effective communication and the fundamentals of how healthy positive relationships work? If our core values of society, or collective souls share the common need to formulate healthy partnerships how can adults be expected to achieve this without tools and understanding? While I feel privileged to afford the cost of psychotherapy I realize that my relationship would have probably been another divorce statistic if I didn’t live in a 1st world country and have resources available.
Most children participate in some extra curricular study such as learning to play a musical instrument or sports. If there was a course available to children, whether it was included in their schools academic program or on a volunteering basis, it would be great to see those precious little souls educated on topics such as conflict solutions and skills to exemplify positive communication between parents and children. I realize these days children are already burdened and overloaded with school pressures, but a course that was designed to cater to each child’s age that was interesting and interactive could help them identify and understand family dynamics and how these impact them. As a small child I rarely saw my parents verbally argue but the underlying and unresolved relationship issues festered and left me feeling powerless and frustrated. Therapy has helped me understand how my parent’s poor communication has impacted my marriage and life. It feels like children are more pressured to achieve high scores and university placements, but you really have to wonder where our priorities for our community really do lie.
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Photo by Florence Stroud – All Rights Reserved
Guest Author Bio
Florence Stroud
Discussion of the real issues in life and insightful writing that really deals with true human experience is what interests me.
Currently looking at the ideas expressed on the World Transformation Movement website.
We tend to forget the way we learn to manage our relationships is heavily influenced by the examples we witnessed in childhood.
I applaud your article for pointing out this often ignored dynamic.
And yes, I agree that teaching our children age-appropriate, formal communication and conflict coping skills would better prepare them to create healthier adult relationships.