Imagine for a moment a complete loss of control: your self-reliance stripped away, and your ability to care for yourself gone. You find yourself like a cork in the ocean about to lose its buoyancy and there is nothing you can do about it — nothing.
I recently found myself in this situation; it added a whole new meaning to the saying, “You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone….”
A good friend advised, “Don’t fret over what you cannot control (and with respect to my recent situation), “just lie back, smile, exude positive energy, and enjoy the adventure”.
The thought of some famous adventurers from the past came to mind: Christopher Columbus, Jacques Cousteau, Neil Armstrong – although good company, they had the luxury of choosing their adventures.
My friend continued, “Remember, on your adventure, you’ll have a bunch of extremely bright and intelligent people completely invested and focused on caring for you”.
I guess I’m learning that life is like this sometimes. You just have to surrender and fall back into the arms of the world, like a newborn baby, and allow those around you to catch you and care for you. In my case, then, “You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone…”, morphed into, “You don’t know what you’ve got until it shows up”.
Beautiful friends…
I could never have imagined the people who “showed up” to become true friends during my time of need, joining me in the adventure, allowing me to share my fears, my discomfort, my anger, my loss, and even my physical and emotional pain. Many of those people who showed up were new, never part of my circle of friends until I departed on my unplanned adventure – a truly unexpected bonus. Amazing! Unbelievable! Joyous! Beautiful! Lovely!
In my time of need, strangers, acquaintances, colleagues, friends and family took the opportunity to invest their concern, their care, and their time, and show up as true friends in every sense of the word.
It reminded me that anyone has the ability and the capacity to show love and compassion through any number of simple actions: a nod, a smile, a greeting, a hello, an inquiry, a helping hand, an acknowledgement, the gift of time, a hug, and many, many other ways.
It has been said that, “Friends are family, that you get to choose”. Possibly, but this is not always the case. Some friends suddenly appear through random acts of kindness in all kinds of occasions and places.
Ah, you may conclude, a situational friend.
Something inside me twists into a knot upon hearing this term, situational friend. It sounds devaluing, dishonouring, and diminishing. Hell, every great friendship begins as a situational friendship.
Think about your friendships; how did they begin? Was it with a simple smile, a hello, an introduction; or through a mutual connection, either a trusted acquaintance or involvement in a shared activity, experience, or gathering?
Regardless, in reality, given the impermanence of life, by definition, every friendship ends, and, as a result, all friendships are situational.
“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive,
and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.”~ Anaïs Nin, The Diary of Anaïs Nin, Vol. 1: 1931-1934
Don’t let your preconceived definition of friendship or the potential impact that you can have on another being be too restraining, too confining; consider that maybe your definition of friendship may at some point in your life constrain your ability to have, or receive love and compassion. Everyone has a choice; choose to care.
This brief but deeply heartfelt thanks is to all my family and friends, past and present; love and hugs to you all…
I’m in your service…
This video reinforces the importance of friends and their positive impact through the simple act of reminding someone why they are important to you…
Photo Credits
The Microsoft Office Clip Art Collection
This post is an excerpt from the upcoming book about a younger mans experience with prostate cancer,
titled “Hey You!!! You’re Too Young to be Here!!!”
Recent Greg Martin Articles:
- You Will Never Reach Your Goals
- Eliminate Stress Through Leadership
- Leaders On A QUEST
- You’re Too Young To Be Here: The “C” Word
- You’re Too Young to be Here: The Grey Army
Dear Greg,
I treasure the friendship we made on the boat. You helped me through a very challenging time… More than you know. I am so glad you are reaching out to let your friends help you. My Dad had prostrate cancer of the most severe kind and he is doing well, though he, as you know, is getting older. You are safe and loved.
Great Piece of writing Greg! Very positive message.
Your Welcome Mike,
Glad you enjoyed it, more on the way.
Greg
Dear Greg,
Your post was passed along by Lalitha and Jim, and I’m so pleased to read it, and to congratulate you on using your writing to inspire yourself and others. It was a joy to meet you and spend the weekend at Rasa Creek. Many blessings in your ongoing journey.
Warmly,
Regina
Regina,
Our meeting and your care, wisdom, and encouragement, had a profound impact on my desire and drive to express and share my story in the spirit of helping others.
Thanks for the wonderful experience with you, my fellow classmates at Rasa Creek, and for sharing the beauty and wonder of writing.
Greg
Greg,
Now I truly know what you mean. Thank You to YOU for showing up in my life! Your courage and generosity of spirit has had a lasting impact on me and I will forever be grateful. I wish you a happy and healthy filled future my friend. It was really lovely having you visit with us recently, and please know that you are welcome back any time 🙂
Big hugs back!
Your Welcome Cindy,
I’ll be seeing you and Mark again real soon. You’re one heck of a team and my inspiration.
Bigger Hugs back!
Greg
Greg,
Thank you for sharing.
A beautifully inspirational piece!
Smiles & Hugs
p.
Thanks Pam,
You were part of that inspiration.
Hugs & Smiles
G
Thank you Dan, Chris, Michele, and Heather, for sharing your thoughts and for your support – what a wonderful way to reinforce the point of the story.
I read recently, “Selfish is easy. It’s sharing that takes courage”.
Thanks for joining me in being courageous.
Greg
Ah, the lovely words of Anaïs Nin (one of my favourite truth/sooth-sayers) – and accompanied by some wonderful thoughts and truths of your own.
You’re correct Greg, friendships (new or old; long-term or for the moment) are transformational in many ways. I think it’s about how we see the opportunity (or need) to come together. In choosing to to accept, reflect, and openly share your experiences, I believe you’ve allowed space to find exactly the connections that are most right (right now) to evolve.
One of my favourite Nin-isms goes: “life expands or contracts in proportion to one’s courage.” I see this in your journey – and in the footprints you’re leaving for others to also face the unknown. Bravo!
Greg I was so sorry to hear …. but grateful to see that through your journey the universe provided old and new friends to support you along the way. Life is such a mystery, sometimes it delivers incredibly devastating, crippling, painful blows, yet always … when we are opened to let go and receive, it provides the strength, the tools, the support to rise above. Thank you for sharing your experience in such a generous way. As I read your piece I visualized a wondrous phoenix rising from the ashes … I wanted to share it. Wishing you a full recovery and many bright moments in the months to come. Looking forward to our paths crossing again soon too. Namaste ….
Wonderful piece Greg. Thank you so much for sharing how it feels to benefit from love and compassion from community. Lots in here for us to think about.
Greg –
Thanks for your clarity in sharing your thoughts about friendship, and what it means when we really really need others to support us! I saw from the bottom of the post the direction your sharing will take – your experience with prostate cancer – and I applaud your courage in recounting that journey! Power to you, brother – and thanks for letting us hear what you’re going through.
Dan