Today let’s talk about feeling different.
Have you ever felt like you’re out of step with the world around you?
I remember being on a church retreat with 70 people, and feeling like there were 69 people on one page, and here I was, somehow separated and different from the others in the group. I masked it well and managed to fit in, but inside I didn’t feel like I belonged. I would watch other people to see how they acted within the group, and mimic their behavior, although it might not be what I was really feeling. As I have begun to learn I don’t suffer from “terminal uniqueness,” I have found others who went through what I did growing up in an alcoholic family. In doing so, I’ve come to realize feeling different was something I learned growing up, and I am not alone.
Have you ever felt like you weren’t sure how to fit in with others?
Photo Credits
“(Never) Gonna Be Alone” by Marco Alioli @flickr.com. Creative Commons. Some rights reserved.
Homepage and archive thumbnail – Microsoft Office Clipart Collection
Dan L. Hays offers encouragement for adult children of alcoholics.
The podcasts of these episodes can be found at: Minute to Freedom
I remember a few times where I didnt feel like I fitted in. I think growing up in am alcoholic family and never having a father who took the time to show me how to be a “man”, I craved something that would. That craving led me to joining the Army in 1992 and signing up as a Reconaissance soldier ina paratrooper unit. I longed for the control of military life, but inside I was scared almost all the time. I walked the walk and talked the talk very well, but in my heart of hearts never felt like a trained killer, nor had a desire to be.
Another time was in college after my army career. I joined a fraternity and went through a semester of hell due to Hazing and long hours covered in wood glue (dont ask). I was the pledge class president and looked upon with hi esteem by the rest of the fraternity. In my heart though, I didnt feel like I belonged with them. In all honesty I couldnt stand them. But as I always do, I did my best to act as though I was the party type frat guy when inside I was just lost.
I hear you, Steven. Wanting to know how to be a man, and being led down that road by a man/child Dad who hadn’t really grown up himself, led me to much confusion about manhood. Wow – you joined the paratroops? Now that is exposure to manhood in an intense way. I suspect many in the military would say they are scared all the time. I had a Vietnam vet connect with me on twitter, and he said his buddies told him they thought he had PTSD before he went to war. I could see that – the adrenalin rush of the alcoholic family would make combat feel familiar. For me, adrenalin was a way I masked my fear – getting the rush somehow suppressed the panic I felt most of the time.
Wow, frat hazing sounds awful. Have you ever heard of The Lords of Discipline? Pat Conroy describes the hazing he endured at the Citadel – a military college. It might resonate for you in several directions.
I think I have spent much more of my life feeling “just lost” than I would ever have imagined. I can still feel how the church retreat in this post felt like a group – and me.
Dan
many times people with disabilities are treated as though they are a different species. when asked about themselves, it’s often done in a divisive way; when told ‘just curious’ it doesn’t seem to occur to the questioner that standpoint is offensive. how can a relationship develop when it’s not based on an equal exchange of information? it’s like saying “because i can see your purse, you are obligated to empty out everything personal in it “. respectful personal boundaries seem to have all but disappeared nowadays.
I do agree – being respectful of the other person, and where they are coming from, is becoming a lost art for many.
too often people with disabilities are treated as though they were a different species.
I hear you, Michelle! Treated and feel like a different breed of person, almost.