Today let’s talk about they rule from the grave.
I knew a guy once who was just waiting for his alcoholic mother to die
so he would no longer have to deal with his issues around her drinking.
I watched in sadness as his Mom finally passed away, and over the next several years he was astonished to discover that his issues around her hadn’t disappeared. He tried to avoid it, but she was ruling from the grave. The messages he had carried in his head from growing up with his Mom were still in full force and operation. He would act just like she was in the room, telling him the same painful messages he had believed since childhood, that he couldn’t do it, he wasn’t good enough. He finally gave in and began to work on those issues, which gave him a lot of healing and freedom.
Have you ever seen someone ruled from the grave?
Photo Credit
Microsoft Office Clipart Collection
Dan L. Hays offers encouragement for adult children of alcoholics.
The podcasts of these episodes can be found at: Minute to Freedom
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As much as I tried to push my father away from me when he was alive so the hurt would go away, and as much as I miss him now that he is gone. I know the damage that he inflicted from his own disease affected me as a child and leaked the poison into my adult life. Luckily my “Life has become unmanageable” and I realize that by going to ACoA meetings, getting a sponsor and working the 12 steps I can be released from the sickness that my father gave to me and is still giving to me from teh grave.
Boy do I hear you on this one, Steven! I tried to walk away from the pain, and my Dad, and yet missed him terribly when he passed away. It was a real paradox! Yes, it poisoned my life in a similar way. Sometime when it feels right, you might check out my book Freedom’s Just Another Word. It’s about how all of that duality got stirred up when my Dad died. Sadness at the loss, mingled with anger at the poison I was left to deal with. All within the context of ACoA meetings and that healing journey.
Would seem odd to many to say but congratulations that you’ve reached that point of unmanageability! For me, that was sure the point where change began to happen. Way to go in deciding to go to meetings and work the program by getting a sponsor and working the steps. I’ve seen many people who come through and try to “audit” ACoA, and they just don’t get the change!
Best wishes,
Dan