Today let’s talk about authority figures.
Has a situation ever made you feel like you were the small child in front of the teacher’s desk,
afraid you had done something wrong?
I felt that way many times, and it was something I learned growing up in an alcoholic family – where Dad was the ultimate authority, and I had to do whatever I could to appease him. At work, if the boss wanted to talk to me, I felt like I was being called in front of my junior high principal, and I always expected something bad to happen. As I became aware of my behavior, I could change that, and see myself as an adult when interacting with other people. It has taken a while to reprogram those old tapes, but it has given me a freedom to not “stand in front of teacher’s desk” all the time.
Do you ever feel like the small child in front of that authority figure?
Photo Credit
Classroom lone student by Keith Ellwood @ Flickr.com – Creative Commons – Some rights reserved.
Dan L. Hays offers encouragement for adult children of alcoholics.
The podcasts of these episodes can be found at: Minute to Freedom
Hi Jo Ann! Thanks for stopping by to share – I really appreciate it! I hear you about those many unscrupulous authority figures! When an authority figure goes sour, it really is a huge letdown and rejection!
Dan
God bless you Dan, for answering me! I read a book yesterday by Timmen Cermak, M.D., that explained the deal about authority figures with ACA’s. I get it now, and I am also acting on the fact that many times, authority figures are there to HELP with a problem, not to put US down, without solving the problem!! Thanks Dan Jo Ann
You’re quite welcome, Jo Ann. Glad to reply to you. I’ve heard of Cermak, but haven’t read his book. It’s funny, I was talking yesterday with a guy I’ve known in ACA since the ’80s. He was getting some constructive criticism from a therapist, about his child. It was very positive, but he still felt scalded. We talked about how from childhood, we had the authority figure (parent) putting us down so much, that when we heard criticism, it stirred all of that up in us. We hear and assume negative, even when that’s not what is being shared. Like you say, many times they’re trying to help, but we don’t feel that.
When stuff like that happens, one of the best things I’ve learned is to see when the other person has stopped dealing with an adult, and I’ve gone into “8 year old Danny Fear Child” and that’s where my reactions are coming from.
And of course, for an ACA – who is an authority figure? Anybody but me! I have so many times felt like that little boy surrounded by critical adults. Took a long time for me to realize many of them were in little child mode like me – amazing that I didn’t realize that for so long!
Great to share with you, Jo Ann!
Dan
I am 62 years old, and have had MANY unscrupulous authority figures in my life-that did lie, hurt, put-down, and dismiss me, How do I handle them, I am enraged at some of them-I lost a job due to an untruth…I have been in my field for 40 years, and feel rejected. Thanks, Dan, Jo Ann
Sometimes there is fear of authority figures. Sometimes I try to get too close to authority figures. The problem is in being able to deal with them honestly and effectively. All I know is that I do not get along with them that well. There is a distance. There is a want to get closer. Definitely, there is a discomfort.
I hear you Mark! It’s almost a split reaction for me – I want to get closer and get their approval, but I also don’t want anyone telling me what to do. And an authority figure can be almost anyone. 🙂 Discomfort – absolutely! Thanks for stopping by to comment.