How optimism makes us resilient in the face of difficulties.

A week ago, I shared a life success coach’s perspective on optimism, and the difference between optimism and the desire for happiness. The point was that, although optimists are “positive people”, they aren’t stuck on an idea that they need to be happy 24 hours a day. I thought I’d share a comical experience to illustrate how and why optimism works in the real world, and why most people are actually quite resilient in the face of all sorts of difficulties.

Around New Years, my mastermind group meets to create our visions for the coming year. This year we decided on meeting in Arizona. The thought of a cushy hotel surrounded by Red Rocks and the rest of Sedona’s grand, picturesque beauty, seemed perfect. However, we decided to “rough it” by camping out in Maricopa National Park.

I can’t begin to describe how ridiculous four city guys look, trekking out to the desert with our laptops. We looked more like Star Trek extras on an “away team” mission.

Captain Kirk, eat your heart out.

So, we’re getting comfortable in this foreign landscape and I start my own little exploration.

I examined every inch of the landscape trying to figure out what made this place ‘tick’. (I guess as a life success coach I do the same thing with people.)

As I completed my detective work, I found this beautiful cactus. It’s about waist high and looks completely innocent, especially compared with one of the 20 foot high Saguaros.

I’m a touchy-feely sort of character. I can’t figure things out with a quick look. I’ve got to get my hands on it. True to my “hands-on approach” to life, now I can’t keep my hands off this cactus. I’ve got to EXPERIENCE the cactus.

Real smart.

Proud of my careful approach, I gingerly place two fingers in a tweezing motion around one of the many spines coming out of my new cactus, and give it a tug.

The cactus didn’t budge.

I give a firmer tug, and a whole SECTION of the cactus came off, and because of the momentum caused by my tinkering tug, the cactus ‘attacked’ my hand, driving its’ spines into my fingers.

OUCH. This cactus hurts, especially while it impales my fingers.

Can a Life Success Coach Survive “Cactus Hands”?

It gets worse.

I attempt to remove this thing from my hand (some weak flailing) and no avail. My nearby mastermind friend takes hold of it with a pair of credit cards to keep his hands a safe distance and I pull pretty hard, but no luck. This cactus has so many spines embedded in my fingers that no amount of general pulling will remove it without taking my fingers with it.

Now my friends are laughing at my plight and I’m walking around with a cactus attached to my hand. I look like “Edward Cactus Hand”.

My friend Scott breaks out the first aid kit. Luckily, we find some plastic tweezers and I begin to painfully pull each cactus spine out of my fingers.

Here’s the punch line: I’M LAUGHING THE WHOLE TIME.

I’m in pain.
I don’t know what the consequences are of having this cactus in my hand (Infection? Poison? Who knows?)
And, I’m laughing about it.

Seem strange to you? It shouldn’t after my explanation.

Why was I laughing?

Even though I wasn’t happy about my predicament, I was focused on a few things that were even more important than my happiness and comfort at the time.

#1 – I Was Living Life Fully

I want to feel that I’m getting the full experience of life. Even the bad stuff… I want to experience that too.

Even though I want to avoid pain, at some level, I’m actually interested in it.

Aren’t you interested in some potentially painful situations?

Don’t you walk into situations from time to time that you think will provide some discomfort or pain?

If you have ever entered into an intimate relationship more than once, you likely knew you that pain was inevitable. You knew it was going to hurt, but you did it anyway.

I want to know what the pain of life is like. That’s part of the experience of fully living my life.

Even when the cactus pain got intense, I experienced the surprise and the vividness of living my life fully. This cactus thing was a life success coach’s adventure to say the least.

#2 – I Got to Experience Contrast

If you’ve ever experienced…

Relief after a ‘good cry’.
A sense of camaraderie or connection with someone after fighting with them.
A sense of accomplishment after suffering through a long, hard, work project.
Joy after successfully making it through a medical procedure or diagnosis where your life (or quality of life) was in question.

…then you’ve enjoyed the contrast between negative and positive experiences.

The bad times are a big part of what (by comparison) makes the good times so good.

I love to feel the change in my feelings. That’s when I feel alive.

I don’t want to feel good ONLY. If all I did was feel good all the time, I’d go insane.

If steak and lobster is your favorite food, but you eat it every single meal, eventually you’ll hate steak and lobster. Scientists have shown that the pleasure people get from the same positive experience tapers off pretty fast when repeated over and over again. After 6 or 7 steaks in a row, according to science, you’ll be more likely to ask for Ramen Noodles instead of that prime rib.

Feeling good doesn’t feel good. I want to feel “different”. I want to go from the depths of despair to ECSTASY. I love to feel the contrast in my life, and notice the difference between moments.

I loved the feeling that I got when I pulled that last cactus spine out of my hand.

The CONTRAST was awesome (painful, uncomfortable, but AWESOME)

This year, rather than sheepishly avoiding life, why not embrace LIVING IT? Even the painful parts! Why not look deeper into the things that you avoided last year. Go after them! Confront them! Capture them!

What’s YOUR Cactus?

Photo Credits

Guest Author Bio

Jeffrey Sooey
Jeffrey T. Sooey is the CEO of JTS Advisors and the founder of Coaches Training Blog community.

Jeffrey began his study of personal success with the masters of NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming). This led him to an involvement with the Anthony Robbins Companies as a results coach and seminar facilitator. As his client list grew, he began implementing the technology on a professional and organizational level, focusing upon team leadership and management. Jeffrey began to redevelop the original success philosophies of Napoleon Hill by facilitating the alignment of his clients’ goals with their values and strengths. The results of his clients are immediate and lasting.

Mr. Sooey’s love for the saxophone brought him to the top of the jazz scene in New York City. He played frequently at the famous Blue Note and subsequently traveled round the world to Japan as an international Jazz recording artist. Mr. Sooey traded equities for private accounts, studying under master traders of ABN Amro and Schonfeld Securities, LLC. After leaving the Robbins organization, Jeffrey co-founded 180 Television Networks, an international media conglomerate — serving as President and Vice-Chairman. He has addressed distinguished audiences ranging from the International Coaching Federation to University of Southern California graduating MBA class of 2002. Jeffrey also contributes his skills as a motivator and speaker by giving workshops at local penitentiaries. Mr. Sooey is the President and CEO of JTS Advisors, a boutique firm offering full focus support to a select clientele.

No stranger to the water, Jeffrey’s personal interests include windsurfing and offshore yacht racing. On the weekends, Jeffrey still loves to sail and on many given evenings you may find him performing music.

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