Human beings are obsessed with two things – Life and Death. After all, what else do we truly have? The death part is a consideration that varies widely, depending on what your beliefs are – for some, death is the reward for living. And for others, death is the tragic end they either refuse to acknowledge or dread with a daily fear……and then there’s the balance of people who really don’t give a crap, one way or another. I have to wonder if these are the ones who are truly doing the living?
Life has always been a bit of a conundrum for me. It’s the race through the amount of time we have been allotted and all the while, trying to figure out where we are supposed to be, who we are supposed to be and the big one – who are we supposed to be WITH? We’re pretty basic creatures and scores of self-help books have been written to help us decide on each and every one – who, what, where, why and when. And yet we still seem to be confused. Some have it figured out for themselves pretty quickly. Be good, go to school, get good grades, go on to college, get a lifetime career, get married, buy a monstrous house, have children – perhaps 2.5 of them like the statistics say we are – retire, play golf and travel, be role models for their children and grandchildren and then get sent off in a grand ceremony at the end…..with family and friends weeping and extolling their virtues.
I, on the other hand, do NOT have it figured out. And now the only figuring I’m doing is whether that is such a bad thing or not? I think I was a pretty good kid, I went to school, I did NOT get good grades (there was far too much good prairie beer to drink and parties to go to), I dabbled in some college courses but failed to acquire a degree (not focused – couldn’t decide what I wanted to be), joined the army (best time of my younger life), job-hopped, got married, bought a house, had 2 children (sorry stats researchers – I missed the .5), did some more job-hopping, will likely never be able to retire, suck at golf, excel at travel, hope my constant badgering “do what I say, not what I do” method of role-modeling works a bit with the kids and then guess what? I will likely get sent off in a grand ceremony at the end…..with family and friends weeping and extolling my virtues.
So here I am 30 years after college should have resulted in a degree, still deciding what I want to be when I grow up. I’m a dreamer, a thinker, a creator and a thrill junkie – all in that order and I have faith that even though I did not follow the map, I am no more lost than the next guy or girl with the 2.5 children and the 35 year/one-job career almost under his or her belt. It’s a weird world that we are living in right now and who knows where the next wind might blow us?
So I’m going to continue the one thing that I do love to do – write as much as I can when I can. It makes me feel good and tells me I’m doing what was meant to be. And I will also keep on keeping on – working, giving time and love to my family, hanging with my friends, drinking some of that good prairie beer and I will definitely try to stop worrying about why I don’t have 1.2 million in the bank and a clear title home. Because in the end, I get the grand ceremony anyway.
A Woman Thinking – Wikimedia Creative Commons
Thumbnail – Ideology Icon – Public Domain