This time of year tends to be challenging for me. I would guess the same is true for many others out there. And what’s interesting to me is that although the level of activity with others is often ramped up, so, too, can the feelings of loneliness. Seems like a contradiction, doesn’t it? Maybe, and maybe not.
The frantic pace of the holidays, coupled with the darkness and unheeded calls to turn inward and reflect on our lives, make one ripe for loneliness.
Pema Chodron writes: “Usually we regard loneliness as an enemy. Heartache is not something we choose to invite in. It’s restless and pregnant and hot with the desire to escape and find something or someone to keep us company.”
How often I have felt that, and then done that, in so many ways. I bet you, too, have a fairly long list if you take a little time to reflect on it.
Yet there have been times where I have simply sat with it, breathed into that ghost inside me and watched as it inevitably changed. Not that it always went away completely, but there nearly always has been a softening of the energy when I have given it some space through breathing and meditation.
Given the increased focus on slowing down and paying attention while I’ve been with people in the past few weeks, I’m finding that there’s been less loneliness floating around these parts. Furthermore, when it comes, I’m letting go of identifying myself with it. Just like any other experience, loneliness doesn’t define who I am.
How about you? Do you experience loneliness this time of year?
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I tell myself every year it will be different. And its the same every year. Lost my best friend years ago. Have been single going on 14 years. I moved to a new area and new state. Big mistake. Now the loneliness is worse then ever. The funny part is everyone at work loves working with me customers love and ask for me. But going home is the worst. 6 years here. And I feel that I am doomed to be single and alone for the rest of my life. I pray every night. Believe me I do. I am 51 and I hear single people die younger then others with people in their lives. Sometimes I say bring it on.Because this hurts way to much. Another Christmas is here, and yes it will be done alone like most holidays. And yes I keep up with tradition the tree is up and I make dinner every year. I always feel better after the New Year. I keep telling myself its a new year…
Todd, you are not alone, ever. I too am looking down the barrel of another Christmas alone, six years later. And I am about your age. Don’t know why life has to be so difficult and painful, most of the time it seems. But take heart, be brave enough to stick around and be curious what may be on the other side of this most desolate of winters.There’s richness in the dark soil. The fact that you have a tree shows impressive fortitude. I think about what I have to do to get, set up a tree and I just want to curl up like a potato bug. Yoga helps. As does blasting Barry White right now. : ) Just because you’ve tried this a gazillion times, and you feel like you’re in an endless loop, you are making progress. You just can’t see it yet. Because it’s cold and the days are short, the shadows long and few people are available to come out and play. But it’s happening. Your life is growing toward its desires.
It’s just one season. There are lots of us looking forward to seeing you on the other side of this moment.
Be well.
Thanks man, I really enjoyed reading that, I’m an Australian in Europe, so I am still kinda adapting to real winters and their affects on human brains stuffs. Liked your thoughts though,
‘Just like any other experience, loneliness doesn’t define who I am.’
That bit kinda clicked for me. Thanks
Peace. Love. Triangles
This fall I got myself all prepared for winter – heard it was supposed to break records for being the worst winter in years and years. It hasn’t even snowed yet and I saw blossoms the other day. Proof of spring in Victoria is the fabulous sight of the cherry blossoms which usually bloom in February! Victoria has the best climate in Canada in my humble opinion!
I was actually out playing yesterday. It’s been a really warm winter here, so lots of opportunities.
so did you go out to play? I like playing with my camera on sunny spring days – can’t wait for the flowers to bloom! Heather
I think it’s valuable to honor that loneliness, which tends to come from somewhere deeper, as Gibran suggests. This time of year seems to just exaggerate it for me, but certainly it can happen anytime. And … I agree that some of it is totally silly, and that it’s worth shrugging off and going out to play.
Hi – one part of me experiences loneliness and other other voice tells me – don’t be so silly – enjoy yourself – enjoy your time – be thankful and grateful for what you’ve got – Christmas is only a tiny part of the year – I live in B.C. – my friends and ‘small’ family are in Ontario. If I wasn’t 4,000 miles from home I’d be surrounded by people and I’m thankful for that – some people have no one during this time of the year – or for the rest of the year for that matter. As for presents – today i was given a free floor easel from a store going out of business – and on Christmas Day i was offered an apartment in a home with a studio! That’s serendipity because I am dedicating next year to painting. Blessings come in many ways!
Nathan I was iniitiated in Red Tara and love Sufism but to quote Kahlil Gibran
“Here I sit between my brother the mountain and my sister the sea. We three are one in loneliness, and the love that binds us together is deep and strong and strange.”
Hi Nathan,
So much one could say about this. To answer your question though, yes, sometimes I do experience loneliness at this time of year. It’s not the loneliness from being alone as that is not the case for me. It’s something else entirely.
I wonder if you have read The Invitation, a book by Oriah Mountain Dreamer?
There is a great poem in it also called The Invitation. You can read it in the sidebar link here:
http://www.oriahmountaindreamer.com/
She says …
I want to know
if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like
the company you keep
in the empty moments.
It’s a great book that I think you would very much appreciate.
All the best for 2012 Nathan!
Cheers,
Gil