Nathan Thompson explores the social graces and gremlins of commenting online.
In my opinion, making and receiving comments on blog posts should be treated in a similar way to how you would act with someone face to face. Whether you are committed to a spiritual path, or you simply wish to be an ethical person online, it’s important to consider the possible impact of any comments you leave online.
Although it’s harder to see and feel, what we say online can have just as much impact – positive or negative – as anything said in person. And because of the lack of non-verbal cues, it’s probably even more important to choose our words carefully while interacting with others online.
What I have witnessed online is that commenting on blog posts brings out the best and worst in us. When people are at their best, you can see ripple effects that spread across the world. A well-timed supportive comment can mean all the difference to someone who is struggling and feeling isolated. A clear declaration of the truth in the middle of an embattled debate can shift the entire conversation. And sometimes, something someone says “goes viral,” spreading from blog to blog, across Facebook, Twitter, and other social networking sites, and positively impacting the views of hundreds and thousands of people.
And unfortunately, the same thing goes for comments on the worst end of the spectrum. A single personalized attack on a writer can shift an entire discussion in that direction. Lies can and do spread online, sometimes at an alarmingly fast rate. And the internet is littered with the wreckage of angry, hate-fueled arguments that sometimes have spread into the flesh and blood world with terrible consequences.
One of the challenges I have found is working to find the balance between honesty, compassion, and kindness. Sometimes, I’m responding to a piece of writing where I really don’t care for the view being expressed. Occasionally, it might even be to someone I’m not terribly fond of. And sometimes, I’m just not in the best mood. All of this can make for troubled waters when it comes to making comments online.
So, here are a few questions to consider before making a comment:
1. Are you just venting? Sometimes, I find myself wanting to tee off on some poorly written article or obnoxious political opinion piece, but quickly realize I have nothing of value to say.
2. Do you actually understand what’s being said? It’s amazing how often people seem to misread things online and then make comments based on their misreading. Which leads to number three…
3. Have you slowed down enough to digest what you’ve read? The speed of the internet and our lives in general these days lends itself nicely to rapid-fire comments that are, at best, superficial.
4. Are you just wanting to see yourself in writing? This one is tricky, but I do think that sometimes people just leave comments to be seen. The content may be meaningless or it might even have some relevance, but the true impulse of the person commenting is simply to be part of the commenting crowd.
What are your thoughts about making comments online? Have you had any experiences that made you change how you make comments on the internet?
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One of the challenges I have found is working to find the balance between honesty, compassion, and kindness.
Thank you for sharing this insightful exploration of the ‘Zen of Blog Commenting.’ Your reflections on the art of engagement in the digital age offer valuable wisdom for navigating online interactions with mindfulness and respect. Your emphasis on authenticity, empathy, and meaningful connection resonates deeply, reminding us of the profound impact genuine engagement can have in building communities and fostering mutual understanding. Your words inspire us to approach online discourse with intention and grace.
Glad to hear it ABC.
I have been getting visitors through this strategy. Definitely works and been generating some leads in the process. Its definitely something that someone new can do and effectively see some results.
I always coached the people I work with to write the replies to such notes by first writing it in a word document not in the e-mail client. I have found is working to find the balance between honesty, compassion, and kindness. The Comments on most blogs are reasonably positive and constructive though of course there are always a few that explode into heated accusations back and forth.
Hey Nathan,
I’m sure I’m not the only one who does this but you totally called me out and I wanted to say thanks for keeping me accountable. I often comment on a blog post just to correct someone’s grammar. It is a personality flaw and I need to get it under control. Sometimes I forget that a blog is not necessarily a professional piece of writing and to cut the author some slack. Thanks for the wise words.
-Gretta
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adult student
“I now try to discipline myself not to ever read the Comments that follow any kind of news story – they are bound to be a serious blow to my view of humanity.”
Yep, I have often had to do the same because man, some of that stuff is so brutal and ignorant that it’s hard to believe some people believe such things.
These are good observations and suggestions, Nathan. The Comments on most blogs that I visit are reasonably positive and constructive – though of course there are always a few that explode into heated accusations back and forth. My greatest dismay with online comments has been in online news sites – the venues that seem to attract vitriol and anger. I now try to discipline myself not to ever read the Comments that follow any kind of news story – they are bound to be a serious blow to my view of humanity.
Hi Gil,
You’re totally right about e-mail, and the suggestions are also good. In fact, I can think of a particular e-mail fiasco I was involved in a few years back with members of the leadership team of a non-profit I helped start. A disagreement over workload quickly became an exchange of personal attacks and assumptions behind every last sentence written. And from there, it ended up leading to almost half the leadership team leaving the organization. So, the consequences can be pretty ugly.
Nathan
Hi Nathan,
Excellent article and great points.
I just wanted to suggest something. Over the years, I have worked in the IT space and have had up to 70 people reporting to me. E-mail was a primary source of communication both internally, and externally. Many of the dynamics you describe are applicable to e-mail. Often, an e-mail (internal or external) can cause the recipient to have a knee jerk reaction and reply with venom in a totally unthoughtful note. This never ends up very well.
I always coached the people I work with to write the replies to such notes by first writing it in a word document, NOT in the e-mail client. Save it and walk away. Come back and read it an hour later and edit appropriately. Do that again if need be. The end result is a well thought out reply devoid of ‘acidity’ which usually leads to a positive result. If people would practice this before writing spiteful comments, it would be a better comment world.
By the way .. I will be the first to confess that I have not always followed my own advice. A few words spoken or typed in a moment of anger or thoughtlessness can take volumes to remedy …
Your article also reminded me that I am way overdue in writing an article on the subject of comments but from a totally different perspective, namely, why in fact do so few people comment at all? I will mention your article at the beginning as the inspiration to finally get that one done!
Cheers,
Gil
Gil and Nathan,
I totally recognize Gil’s words in my correspondence with him as a web developer, professional cohort at times and friend. In fact, Gil is my inspiration for writing thoughtful email messages. Such great advice, Gil! You definitely walk the walk. Or is it walk the talk? You know what I mean!
Nathan, this blog post is spot-on. The lack of self-discipline in commenting, on every platform I’ve ever seen, is bonkers. The often cited quote, which is sewn onto a tapestry hanging in my kitchen, “Is it true, is it kind, is it necessary,” comes to mind…
Thank you both for your wise words and reminders.
Lisa
Hi Lisa,
Thank you for your kind words. You too walk that walk and it’s always a pleasure to work with you!
Cheers,
Gil
Hi Ashley,
Thanks for your comments. I actually have been less impacted by trolling and brutal comments than others I know who write online. You’re correct that these folks are just venting and going off, and it’s being anonymous that helps fuel the behavior.
I do think, though, that the rest of us – who aren’t that way – still can muck things up. I have said a few mindless things in response to blog posts or other writings, mostly out of rushing to give a comment and not thinking it through. I have also been reactive to posts that had ideas that I really disagreed with, and have chosen to use all of these as opportunities to slow down and pay closer attention.
I think some people get braver behind the screen. Don’t think things through as well. And if they are anonymous, they get even braver – well, that’s what someone told me anyway.
These types of people you write about here usually seem to be trolls. They don’t just leave one comment on one post. It’s a bunch. And they’re all mean — I agree, they seem to be venting!
I sense you’ve personally been affected by these people. If that’s the case, I’m sorry you went through that.
I have so much more to say on this, but it’s actually all in a post I recently wrote:
http://loveablehomebody.blogspot.com/2011/08/interesting-blogchat-on-twitter-tonight.html I’d love to know what you think!