We have a problem here in our small town with a pusher who won’t take no for an answer.
This pusher is unassuming and doesn’t look like your typical pusher, the ones who hang out on the corners of sprawling cities. This one is funny, personable, and really quite nice. Perhaps that’s how she lures our innocent children in — with her kind smile and her humor. But as a parent, when she pulls out her drug paraphernalia, I get all mother bear.
Her drug offering? Candy. The kiddie version of crack. I say this because that is the extensive damage that ingesting candy does to my daughter. She gets all shaky and sensitive and bounces off the walls. Well, okay, in our house she bounces off the couch.
It’s as if the sugar in the candy sets all her endorphins off at once, and for a two year old, this can feel pretty scary and out of control. So, we have taken sugar off the possibilities list in our house.
We have explained to our daughter why we don’t eat candy and why it makes us feel all icky and bouncy. I’m sure she gets it from me, because if I ingest sugar, I get super powers and turn into SUPERBITCH!!
Anyway, we decided a long time ago that we would keep sugar or candy out of our daughter’s diet. No one bothered us on it. Granted, she wasn’t even eating solid food at the time. Then, we moved to this small town and frequented this quaint little market on the corner. When this lady first offered our daughter candy, I looked at her, incredulous, “She doesn’t even have teeth!”
From that moment on, it became her mission to corrupt my daughter’s gorgeous smile and undermine my parenting. But it really came to a head yesterday and I knew I had to take action.
We walked into the store, and Cunksi ran up to the lady pusher to say hi. The lady pusher looked at me and said, “This is really hard for me, not giving her candy.”
I looked at her. “I’m sorry, but that’s your problem you’re going to have to work through.”
Cunksi wanted to stay with her, so I went off to the produce section. I came back seconds later and Cunksi and the lady were coming up one of the aisles. The lady pusher was hiding something behind her back and brought it up to the counter and scanned it through. She turned to Cunksi and said, “Cunksi these are all for you!”
I looked at what it was I was going to pay for unannounced; it was Looney Tunes fruit snacks. I looked at the lady pusher. “That is still candy.” The lady pusher smiled at me and said, “It’s made with real fruit!” She was clearly enjoying this.
I rolled my eyes and said, “And with real high fructose corn syrup, yey!” I looked the lady pusher in the eye and said, “Not now, because we don’t have time, but obviously we need to sit down and have a little chat.”
I paid for my groceries and left, fuming about all the things wrong with that situation.
On the way home, Cunksi and I had a little chat about people who don’t respect our boundaries and we have to tell them no, because we know what the rules are.
I was still fuming about it when I went home, so I decided to write the lady pusher a letter, as well as her manager. I was angry about it for many reasons but most of all because she does not understand why this is NOT okay.
Let’s analyze what is wrong with this scenario. And let me also add that these are the points I made in my letter to the Lady Pusher.
Number one: Don’t mess with a parent’s child. We have to deal with the fallout of the sugar crash, and for Cunksi that crash is HARD.
Number two: Playing “Let’s do this behind mom’s back after she said no” with a two year old is just ethically wrong and, quite honestly, really immature for a grown woman. When I made this point in the letter, I told her that Cunksi is a sponge and is learning everything about everything. This includes education about nutrition, how the world works and about how rules work.
I told her I didn’t need my two year old learning that it is okay to not listen when mommy says no, just because the Lady Pusher thinks it’s funny. I told the Lady Pusher that she was the adult in the situation and she is the one in control, so she needed to take some responsibility, or she just won’t be allowed to be near my daughter.
Number three: You don’t mess with the nutritional teachings of families. I told her that Cunksi is a Lakota child and her father’s mother’s side of the family is a genetic nightmare filled with every possible health issue that a Lakota person could face. Obesity, diabetes, cancer, high blood pressure. And that those very diseases could be avoided with proper nutrition education and lifestyle choices.
Number four: And finally, but most of all, Lady Pusher, I don’t care what you want to do. I’m the mother, and I said this is how it is. You are stepping on Momma Bear’s toes now, so back off! I don’t have to explain myself to you, or why we chose to live the way we do. When you have a child, you can do whatever you want, but for now: my child, my rules.
By the way, the fruit snacks didn’t have high fructose corn syrup, but they also weren’t made from real fruit juice. Moral of the story: read your labels, people — and steer clear of quaint, innocent-looking corner markets.
I laugh about this, but it is a true story. I did write her a letter, and I am waiting for a meeting with both her and her manager. I told them we need to discuss this if I am to continue giving them business.
I’m a momma on a mission…and I won’t take no for an answer. I passionately believe that “free” candy should NOT be handed out at stores, and managers need to be aware of what their cashiers are doing.
Photo Credits
“Complimentary Crazy Cool Colorful Candy Confetti Creative Commons” Pink Sherbert @ flickr.com
“Free Child Holding Colorful Rainbow Taffy Candy” Pink Sherbert @ flickr.com
That was an awesome story and well put. Your points were very clear in the letter you wrote and I am bookmarking this page for future use/reference when I face this situation again!!! I completely agree and think it’s wrong on all counts! Especially since nutrition is so important now a days and more people have strict diets. We don’t all want to eat crap and sugar and processed refined foods thank you very much. All the candy companies that are profiting and commercializing holidays drive me nuts, there are “treats” for almost every single month of the year, it’s ludicrous! I try to give my daughter flowers, hair barrets, movies etc, other gifts instead of candy on these occasions.
Wow, talking about overstepping boundaries! It’s bad enough when grandparents do it, but a store clerk? Yikes. In my neighbourhood, the drycleaner is always so pleased to see my children and immediately offers them a lollipop. I know he is doing it out of kindness, but I don’t appreciate it either — especially considering they look like candy from 5 Halloweens ago! Yuck.
Thanks for your support and your comments.
The good news is, I spoke with the manager, and he was very apologetic and said he would stop it right away, and he didn’t want me to stop shopping there. He said he was very sorry and that he had no idea she was doing that. I figured he didn’t, which is why I enlightened him. The lady pusher is gone for a few weeks, so no meeting with her, but they will give her my note when she returns.
I’m so not a “lay- back- and -let- it -pass” mom! Some day, this may drive Cunksi crazy, but someday even further down the line, she will be grateful for my tenacity.
you go momma bear
Good for you, Mary! NO ONE has a right to go behind the back of a parent who has already expressed their intention for the care of their children. That is a violation of boundaries indeed!
I have shopped at the Corner Market (and the other) for years, and I don’t know which of the women that was. She is probably essentially a good person, but everyone has an idiot zone in them somewhere, and then they simply have to learn that they can’t walk on other people, even with candy. A friend years ago wanted to give s sweet cookie to my late St. Bernard, Flora. I told the friend that I didn’t give my dog sweets. She went right ahead and gave it to the dog as if I wasn’t there. I understand your anger!
I had a sensitivity to sugar as a child, too. My mother tried to keep me sugar free, but my father had such a sweet tooth that the candy was in the house, and I finally found it. We had some difficult times. I have a sweet tooth to this day. It doesn’t affect me as it used to, but I sure feel it when I’ve gone over my limit. I mostly keep it to a minimum, and eat healthy foods. Refined sugar of any kind is not a natural substance, and is a contributing factor in many health problems.You are on the right track with your little one, mary. Keep the faith!
I can’t believe she would scan in candy for your kid that you have to pay for! That makes it so much wronger (is that a word?)!
Let us know how that meeting goes.
Right on, Mary! This person is definitely crossing boundaries! It makes my blood boil that people can be so misdirected when it comes to other people’s kids. Hopefully she will get the message and back off!! Good luck, Momma Bear!
Margaret