I am a mother of four children. My oldest daughter is 13 years old and came home from school in tears one day last week. She wouldn’t tell me what was wrong, only that she randomly started crying and couldn’t stop. The next morning she refused to go to school begging me “please, mom” while sobbing uncontrollably.
We went to school together and went to the counseling office. Eventually we understood that a boy liked her and was following her around and she found it “creepy.” I’m not sure what else was going on for her, but we moved her into another class and she seems much happier.
I don’t know if I took it too seriously, or not. These are the parenting moments where we fly by the seat of our pants and hope we are doing the right thing and protecting our children in a way that makes them feel safe. That’s what it all comes down to, keeping my children safe so that they may spread their wings and try everything they desire.
Two weeks ago a young man hung himself in his grandmother’s barn because he was being bullied at school for being gay. This happened in a small town in America. It was not the only suicide by a young gay male in the past two weeks. This kind of tragedy really eats at my heart as a parent and as a liberal minded human.
First, I am awed that young people are so brave as to be “out” at such a young age; secondly, I am frightened for my own children that somehow in some kids’ minds it is acceptable to hate someone and bully them simply for the fact they are gay.
As a parent I am equally as frightened that my children will be bullied or that they will bully. I spend a lot of time talking to them about differences in people and culture. I do my best to keep them open-minded. But, does anyone raise a child hoping they will be a bully? I don’t think so. Where is this behaviour learned?
Dan Savage, a Seattle columnist, has started the It Gets Better Project in response to these suicides (see YouTube link below). The message from Savage is that it gets better when you get older. He states that “Nine out of 10 gay teenagers experience bullying and harassment at school, and gay teens are four times likelier to attempt suicide. Many LGBT kids who do kill themselves live in rural areas, exurbs, and suburban areas, places with no gay organizations or services for queer kids.”
The message in this project is an important one, as is talking to our children more. Teaching them when to ask for help, showing them love and accepting them for who they are.
Photo Credit
“From the website Be Yr Own Queero” with thanks.
I also totally endorse this project, it is a great idea. One of my friends has posted a message. It is very important for kids to know that things do get better and high school isn’t forever.
I put the link to this project as my Facebook status, and would recommend others do so too, to heighten awareness of this project.
I wasn’t gay, but I was always different, and sometimes bullied in junior high (ironically the bully accused me of being a lesbian). I couldn’t wait to get out of my small town high school and blossom. I’m coming out of a different closet myself now, but I have resources and I’m confident adult, not in the vulnerable position of a highschool student.
Thanks for writing about this project.
Kara