Success or Failure: It’s in the Eye of the Beholder

Due to society’s media-prescribed yet severely distorted vision of what it means to be successful — and consequently what constitutes failure — we have been, for the most part, conditioned to believe we are inadequate in some way, shape or form. Striving for superficial happiness seems to be the norm for defining success these days. And if we are unable to live up to that “vision” for some reason, we are deemed to be failures in the eyes of not only our consumer cohorts but, sadly, within ourselves as well.

As North Americans, we live in a seemingly insatiable “I want” world. Lacking gratitude for what we already have, we constantly look for “new and improved” ways to numb our feelings of insignificance, inadequacy and failure.

But is failure or success really measured but what we have acquired around us —or is it defined by what we have acquired within us?

Corporations and media moguls work extremely hard to ensure we believe the former; it is in their best interests and in the best interests of their shareholders. But for our own emotional and physical health, and for the well being of our planet, we can no longer afford to remain blind to the self-destructive ramifications of this prescribed “vision.” It is important to remember that WE have the power to define who we are in this world by the choices we make.

Redefining Failure and Success

Surely it is in our best interest to consciously choose to redefine for ourselves what it means to be a success or a failure? It is quite simply like so many things, a matter of shifting our perceptions. Of course, this is much easier said than done, due to the constant barrage of self-indulgent imagery being thrown at us through media and advertising.

Admittedly, having certain luxuries that the North American life can provide is a blessing — or is it? You would think that with all we have available to us, we would not be wanting, yet this is definitely not the case. So why is that?

Perhaps having way too many choices is wreaking havoc on our sense of self-worth? Too many choices means we are constantly second guessing every choice we make, and thinking, “What if I made the wrong choice?”.

Ultimately, this leaves us with a sense of dissatisfaction and regret. Even if we actually enjoyed our first choice, we are often left feeling that something else may have been better. This fuels our sense of inadequacy by stimulating unrealistic and insatiable desires for perfection. It can even trigger a fear of failure so powerful it paralyzes us into not choosing at all. This, in turn, feeds our belief that nothing is good enough, which all too translates to “I’m not good enough” on a subconscious level.

We become overwhelmed with the countless banal choices that bring only fleeting satisfaction that we neglect to focus on what is truly important — our holistic well being, individually and globally.

Retail therapy is the prescribed cure to alleviate the restlessness that goes along with our perceived inadequacies, but at best it merely temporarily masks the symptoms of unhappiness. Whether we deem ourselves successes or failures is directly and profoundly related to how we feel about ourselves on a much deeper level, which in turn governs our choices.

Trying to Fill the Void

In order to escape this “vision” that enslaves us to unhealthy levels of consumerism we must first sit down and really think about what we feel it means to be successful and what our motivation is for wanting that success.

Are we trying to fill a void? Would we still feel “successful” without all of the stuff that surrounds us? As Albert Schweitzer said, “Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success.” It is only from a profound sense of fulfillment and well being that true sustaining success can ultimately be experienced.

But what of failure? All too often our fears of failure keep us stuck in a world of unfulfilled dreams and dissatisfaction with ourselves, feeding yet again into our deep seeded belief of inadequacy.

What does it actually mean to fail? Are we failures if we aren’t financially well off enough to keep up with the trends? Does it mean that when we try something new once or twice and it didn’t quite work out the way we expected — or we weren’t an expert at it right away — that we give up on it entirely? Do you find yourself saying to yourself, “You’re just going to suck at it anyway, so why bother!”

Stepping Stones

Can you imagine if babies learning how to take their first steps said that to themselves? If they just simply threw their chubby little arms up in the air after their first, second or even third attempt at walking and said in frustration, “Ahh, that’s it! I give up! This walking gig is way too hard. I keep falling. It’s embarrassing. I’m getting bruises. I just can’t do it! I’m a total failure! From now on, I’m just going to crawl everywhere for the rest of my life. It’s so much easier.”

Ha! Life on earth would be very different if everyone crawled on all fours to get from A to B, now wouldn’t it? Makes for quite the visual.

We must practice in order to improve. It is unrealistic to expect perfection from the get go, yet sadly, that’s how many of us approach life. Challenging ourselves to move forward no matter the task is what makes us grow. It’s what makes life worth living.

So what if we fail the first time? Is it really failing to put ourselves out there: to explore and experience new things despite not necessarily having the knowledge or the skills to master it right away?

Shifting our perceptions of failure is crucial to ensure our success. Instead of seeing failure as a reflection of our perceived inadequacy, why not choose instead to see failure as a stepping stone towards mastery? For without the gift of failure, where would we be today?

I’ve often heard the expression “Anything worth doing is worth failing at.” How very true. So whatever you choose to do in life on your quest for success — go for it! Fail well and fail often… only then will you become master of your own life.

Towards Personal Mastery

People and stuff come and go easily throughout our lifetimes. The one thing that remains constant is our selves. Our entire sense of well being greatly depends on our perception of what it means to be a success or a failure. So wouldn’t be in our best interests to explore what would truly ignite our passions for life from within rather than continue to allow our belongings and others to define who we are?

Wouldn’t it be so empowering and fulfilling to know that no matter what happens in our outer world, however trivial or tragic, we can feel the sense of peace and authentic happiness in our inner world that comes from personal mastery?

Whether we choose to believe it or not, we are cleverly being conditioned to hate ourselves and, guess what, we are succeeding at it. Success or failure is in the eye of the beholder.

So rather than resign to what the media wants us to believe about ourselves, let’s tap into our inner power and embrace failure as our stepping stone to success. Let’s allow ourselves to fail a little more often and learn from our trials and tribulations, not be defeated by them. Let’s choose to see ourselves in a whole “new and improved” positive way and give ourselves permission to simply be who we are.

Remember, WE are the only ones who can truly define who that is by each and every choice we make along this wonderful journey called life.

Happy soul searching!

Photo Credits

“Shopping Ecstasy”  and “Shopping Despair”  by David Blackwell @ Flickr.com. Creative Commons. Some Rights Reserved.

“Autumn Harmony” AlicePopkorn @ Flickr.com. Creative Commons. Some Rights Reserved.

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