Well, it’s that time of year again when lovers around the globe celebrate their affections for one another…or perhaps new love…or a proposal of life-long commitment. Happy times, yes?! However, for those who find themselves single, this time of year it can be a lonely reminder of a relationship lost or the longing to find one’s soul mate.
Sadly, some might even interpret being single as a reflection of being undesirable or unlovable; thus, self-esteem can take a nasty self-inflicted beating. So what can we do to alleviate these Valentine’s blues? The first and most important thing we can do for ourselves is to shift our perception about what it means and how it feels to be single.
So if you happen to be single this year, congratulations! An amazing opportunity befalls you on the 14th of February 2010 — a year of growth and transformation. Believe it or not, flying solo (so to speak) and learning to love it is an extremely rewarding and empowering experience.
It’s an amazing opportunity to focus on yourself and tap into who you truly are, what you really want out of life and, ultimately, what will make you genuinely happy. I know this may sound cheesy or cliché to some of you, or you may even think “oh, barf!” But let’s face it, deep down we all know that the key to sustainable happiness is learning to love ‘yourself’. And what better time to learn to do that than when you’re not completely distracted by loving someone else?
I think it’s safe to say that we’ve all been, at one time or another, involved in unhealthy relationships in which one or both partners have had issues of self-loathing. These issues can put an emotional strain on or even cripple the relationship, leading to theatrical displays of drama, chaos and eminent failure. For some people, this becomes a pattern. They may end up leaping from one unhealthy relationship to another in hopes of finding that special one and only.
News flash! No one can make you happy. That lovely task is reserved for you, and you alone.
Understanding the important distinction between ‘loneliness’ and ‘aloneness’ may bring awareness and help to shift negative perceptions about being single. Loneliness is self-defeating and comes from the feeling of something missing from our lives, or of being incomplete. Aloneness, however, is self-affirming and self-empowering. It comes from a place of internal abundance and, if we have really done our personal growth work, it is a sense of wholeness that enriches our lives.
You are the only person you will ever truly have. Wherever you go…there you are. Whoever you’re with…there you are.
When we truly learn to love ourselves, we radiate that love out towards others and thus attract loving energy in return. When we truly learn to love ourselves, we radiate that love out towards others and thus attract loving energy in return. Think of it as the butterfly effect and a boomerang having a love child! Imagine what kind of loving, healthy connections we could have with ourselves and others, both platonic and romantic, if what we have to offer is filled with self-acceptance, inner peace and an abundance of genuine love. Wow, yes please!
Ultimately, your happiness is entirely your responsibility — your choice. So you can choose to hide from Valentine’s Day (which is about as easy as hiding from Christmas with all of the consumeristic hoopla surrounding such holidays) and wallow in self-pity by eating the entire box of chocolates you couldn’t resist buying yourself. Or you can choose to shift your perception and embrace your freedom to discover and be who you truly are and love yourself for it.
And so on this Valentine’s day, I invite you to proactively embark on a new journey of personal transformation and celebrate being you — with you and only you — by doing something that will put a smile on your face and bring absolute joy to your heart.
Use your imagination! Will it be treating yourself to a day at the spa? Running yourself a hot bath, lighting some aroma therapy candles and listening to some soothing music? Finally trying that recipe you’ve been dying to make and treating yourself to a homemade candlelight dinner for one fabulous babe? You! Or blasting your stereo and dancing in your living room like nobody’s watching (that’s always fun!). My personal favourite is packing a picnic and going for a breathtakingly beautiful hike out in Mother Nature. Ahhhh bliss….
Whatever you choose, make sure it’s special and just for you if for no other reason than because you deserve it.
Besides, how many of us have experienced utter disappointment on Valentine’s Day even when we DID have that special someone to celebrate with. So if you’re still hesitant about flying solo this year, look at it this way: by taking this highly overrated holiday by the hand and really putting some effort in doing what will truly make you happy, you are guaranteed to have an awesome and memorable Valentine’s Day. Who knows, you might even make it a tradition 🙂
So my beautiful and amazing singles out there — and perhaps some equally inspired not-so-singles – I wholeheartedly invite you all to reclaim this Valentine’s Day as the day you begin your life-long journey of celebrating self-love.
Happy Soul Searching!
“Where’s the Love?” xiaofeng @ flickr. Creative Commons. Some rights reserved.