In our fast-pac
ed society, we sometimes forget the simple things in life. A genuine smile or saying hello to a stranger on the street almost seems like a thing of the past depending on where you live. In larger city centers we seem to just weave in and out of people’s lives, barely making eye contact let alone having any meaningful interaction.
How did we get so disconnected from wanting to engage with others? What about our kindness, our compassion, our sense of community? Is our obsession with consumerism and technology slowly stripping us of our innate need to genuinely relate to one another? Could our societal epidemic of unhappiness be a symptom of this?
Many of you, I am sure, can relate. But what can we do to reconnect with this evaporating part of ourselves?
It’s quite simple really … smile.
That’s where it all begins. Don’t believe me? Put it to the test! I did this a few years back. I was quite unhappy with my life, hum drumming along, viewing the world through negative lenses. Wherever I went this energy would follow. I knew something needed to change if I were ever going to be truly happy.
Once I became conscious of wanting to shift this undesirable energy brewing within, I noticed other people seemed to be walking around carrying similar grey clouds hovering above their heads, speeding through life without so much as a glance at one another.
I once read that the world is our mirror — I didn’t like what was being reflected back to me so I decided to project a different reality. This was my test: I said to myself that if I wanted positive energy to come my way I had to put positive energy out towards others first. After all, what goes around comes around. In essence, it’s the basic law of attraction, and it works!
I began my test by simply smiling and saying hello to strangers. I made a commitment to myself that no matter how uncomfortable it felt to put my shy little self out there, I would do it anyway. From that day on, anyone crossing my path got a “hello” to get their attention and then a sweet smile.
It was interesting to witness the reactions to my willful gesture of kindness. I was met with both extremes, from sad faces lighting up with delight of being acknowledged, to furrowed brows and suspicious “What the hell are you smiling at?” facial expressions.
In the process of my experiment with “random acts of hello”, I began to take mental notes on how each reaction made me feel. The positive ones lifted my spirits and made me feel good about myself. The negative ones definitely fed into my own negative tendencies. I would instantly get offended and think to myself, “What’s their problem?” I soon learned to shrug off those encounters by choosing not to take others’ reluctance to receiving kindness from strangers so personally. Pleasantly, more smiles were reflected back to me than frowns.
It wasn’t long before I began to notice a significant shift within myself. I became more outgoing and daring in my interactions. My “random acts of hello” gradually evolved into what I call “random acts of conversation”.
Having these conversations soon became one my favourite things to do. You can meet the most interesting people by doing this. You might make a new friend, find your potential life partner or just quite simply make someone’s day by giving them a little positive attention. How awesome is that?
The more I put myself out there with a genuine smile and a kind word, the more positive I became. I felt happier. By simply making a conscious effort to reconnect with my innate kindness and compassion, I had opened my mind and heart up to an amazing opportunity for growth. I began attracting people of like mind into my experience, creating wonderfully profound connections with them.
Consequently, this simple shift in consciousness has enriched my life beyond my previously limited belief. It has proven to me that through kindness we do indeed have the power to create the authentic happiness we all seek.
So I ask you this: When someone smiles and says hello to you, how do you react? How does it make you feel? Do you light up and return the warmth, or do you question their intentions? Whatever the case, put it to the test and be mindful of how you feel in that moment.
If you have an adverse reaction, ask yourself what may be the reason for that negativity. Think about what you may be projecting into the world and whether or not you are actually happy about having that grey cloud hovering above your head.
I invite you to give it a try and begin your own experiment with “random acts of hello.” See where that shift in positive energy takes you. Remember, it all begins with a simple smile.
Happy soul searching!
Photo Credit
“Hello World”. oskay @ flickr. Creative Commons. Some rights reserved.
Smiles are wonderfully contagious.
🙂
it’s true how simply disarming a smile can be, how it can change/challenge entire perceptions… i’ve always been a smile-at-strangers sort, and it has always made my smile even bigger to have one returned to me!
Well i come from a relatively isolated part of the world: Perth, Australia and even it has a tendency to be completely oblivious to that sense of community that everyone has been talking about. I have met the most fascinating people by my “random acts of conversation” and it truly does enrich your life and make you a more interesting person for it. Just listening to other people’s stories and opinions opens you up to a much larger world-view other than what you are exposed to from your close knit family and friends.
And yes, i love the thought that i can brighten someone’s day just with a simple hello:)
I have been practicing this way of living for a while now and it is true, some have a bad reaction and some have a good one. I have noticed, when you look into their eyes, you can see you are making a difference…good or bad! I started doing this when taking walks, seing it made me feel good, I continued. Those who avoid that look are just not truthfull to themselves and being afraid does not do it for me. Cant wait to read your next article! Good job ma cousine 😉 realy, makes me proud to have you as my cousine!!! luv ya xx
So true! Well said Kylen 🙂
lol thx jason!!! …. good thing i was around to catch the booboo 🙂
Great topic and great points. In many Latin American societies it is considered rude not to make eye contact and greet passer-byes. They also wave to people lots and communication is very much reliant on body language. I think we could adopt some very useful cultural niceties from these countries.
The above was comments made by myself from Kylen’s computer and my excellent skills listed it as hers, lol.
awesome julian!! …..smile it forward!!! 🙂 join the kindness revolution lol!!
wouldn’t it be so wonderful to have a global small town community feel!! …wow!…ok…let’s do it!! let’s all make it happen!!…and it all starts with our own personal conscious choice to simply smile.
Hey Kylen,
Great article! I too find smiles are wonderful, both giving and receiving!
Look forward to reading more of your articles!
I see this difference in friendliness between rural and urban places. Out here in small-town Saskatchewan, if I don’t smile and greet everyone I meet on the street, including strangers, they’ll wonder why I’m so stuck up. I’ll wonder the same about anyone else who doesn’t smile and say hello to me.
In the city, casual friendly chat is looked upon with suspicion and a woman who engages in it with a strange man leaves herself open to attention she doesn’t want. I remember the first time I heard a friend of mine, a city gal, verbally cut a man to shreds on the steps of a city building for saying something like “hello ladies” as he passed by. I was shocked at her treatment of him, but have been told by other city dwellers that she did exactly the right thing, that otherwise he would have made assumptions and possibly bothered us.
It still seems weird to be unkind to someone just because you’ve never met them before. People may get the wrong idea about why you’re being open and decent, but obviously they just need to be educated. I smile and say a few words to everyone, and why shouldn’t I?
Well said Kate! I am a city fella through and through that being said I always make the time to say “hello” and give a smile when ever I can! Your last four words hit home. …and why shouldn’t I. ..I think Kate many city people use the excuse that due to being in the city they have to have a tougher exterior or they will be walked over. blah blah blah. It’s all garbage, we set the stage for how we want people to see us. If everyone else is being suspicious and grumpy, that sure does not mean I have to be. In fact I would like the opportunity if ever I do meet you to say Hello and exchange smiles! It doesn’t happen enough in the cities anymore and really people, a smile can go a long way! Cheers to you Kate for forward thinking! My hat is off to you!
Deep down a lot of people have, warmth, and sunshine. I find personally that a smile is like a can opener. It can set the mood and allow people the freedom to feel more comfortable in your presence. When someone returns a smile in some ways for me it is like hitting a reset button. You can now engage in conversation and have it start with good, warm intentions. If smiles were hockey players they would be highly under-rated. It amazes me how much more open folks are when smiles and laughter are to be found in abundance. This is a life choice we make people. I have met some stressed out folks, and still that smile can go a long long way. The pass the smile forward idea appeals to me in that perhaps if I smile at someone they then in turn will pass that smile on and so on and so on. When you have a large group of happy people a lot can get done. As humans we tend to stress out and rush ourselves too much. Slow down folks, smell the flowers and smile at each other once in a while. You will be amazed with the results! Kylen great work ! Reading your stuff ….well it made me smile! 🙂
Awesome Kylen! I’ll bookmark this site for inspiration. I hope to see many more articles here by you! I have also been practicing the hellos and smiles for many years. It does get easier to not take on the negativity of the occasional grouchy suspicious face that returns my smile; they have their own thing going on, nothing to do with me. My happiness is my responsibility, and smiling at strangers is one of the results of my connection to myself. Also I find it more and more easy to find things to smile about when my own happiness is my dominant intention. Thanks for conveying the concept so eloquently! d
wow!! like minded indeed!! you know what they say about great minds…:)
now THAT totally puts a smile on my face!! no wonder my submitted title was changed…i was curious about that….now i know.
ps fabulous article btw…i’m always chatting up cashiers…anything to brighten someone’s day, i say!!
thx for sharing the link to your article, Gil
namaste
~kyen
Hey Kylen,
I really related to this too! I wrote one a while back called “A Simple Smile” – like minded says I!
Have a peek when you have some time 🙂
http://www.synaptici.com/2009/a-simple-smile/
Cheers,
Gil
thx julie …i will definitely check that out.
ps love your coffee stained menu bar on your website btw 🙂
Hi Kylen – Great post! Nathan’s comments re the “stranger danger” really ring true for me. I don’t like teaching my children to be afraid of others. I did a post called “Spare me the Stranger Danger” on this a while back and it sparked up some interesting thoughts and feelings from mothers. You can read it here if you’re interested.
http://www.julieharrison.ca/family/spare-me-the-stranger-danger/#comments
i absolutely agree nathan!!
Thank you for bringing awareness to this unfortunate yet important reality. As rare as it may be, it is indeed necessary to use ones intuition in such situations…feeling safe and using ones discretion and common sense in extending kindness to strangers is an absolute must in todays fearful world…as is extending kindness an absolute must, if we wish to effect positive change within it 🙂
I think we’re afraid of each other. The instillation of “never talk to strangers” begins early, and often. Children stop saying hello, stop smiling, and retreat into their imaginations – or into video game x or TV show Y. And we’re bombarded with all the failings of each other, the times when people violate each other, kill each other, etc., and the story of who people are and how they might behave gets skewed.
The problem is, though, that there are times when people need to be careful. You get someone hopped up on drugs and in an angry mood, and they might flip off the handle if you smile at them. This is more the rare exception, than the rule – I’d rather smile and be friendly most of the time if I can – but somehow, the awareness of the fact that there are people out there that will be triggered violently by smiling, or hellos, is also important to have.
I concur 100% and it is great to see this behaviour in which I have been engaging reflected back at me in this article. Nicely done Kylen.
Its true, I came from a small town and so when I moved into Victoria I continued my usual greeting when walking down the street by smiling and saying “Hello” I was greeted by either strange looks or a mumbled “Hello or Morning”. I just thought “Geez, these people aren’t very friendly”. Although I got mixed greetings it didn’t change how I continued to live my life. Like attracts like.
Breaking the mold is a good thing. City people are not used to a lot of hellos and smiles… and this has always striked me as odd. Working in the hospitality industry for 20 years now I know a large contingent of Victoria itself has folks from as far away as Nova Scotia, here in abundance. Canadians in general I find very friendly so then why such the stigma in our cities? The answer my friends is people have forgotten to be friendly in many a case. So many city people with their heads down going from point A to B. wondering if they can make mortagage, if they pick their kids up in time for swimming lessons, and the list goes on. So caught up in their lives they get, that they forget that a simple smile and a warm hello can ease many a soul. Like attracts like! well said Jo-Ann, I like it! Now I am smiling and that feels great! Cheers to you!