How many jalapenos does one girl need?
To answer that question, let me take you back a few weeks. I was invited along to the movies by my friend Bev and her daughter, Aubrey. We buy our tickets, and then this conversation takes place:
Aubrey: Ohmygod, have you ever had jalapenos on popcorn?
Aubrey: It’s sooo good.
Me: <gagging noises>
Aubrey: You have to try it.
Aubrey: They’re over here!
Bev: You can try some of mine…
Aubrey raided the condiment section of the snack bar and piled pickled jalapenos on top of her buttery bag of popcorn. Then Bev did the same.
As we walked away I heard a bored employee mutter Finally, something to do, as he moved to refill the decimated hot pepper supply.
Minutes later I finally caved to peer pressure and tried this monstrous combination.
It was delicious.
Something about the salty, buttery goodness combined with the vinegary pepper won my taste buds over. After a few mouthfuls I was hooked. <insert your own dirty joke here>
But the story doesn’t end there. Oh no, it’s just getting started.
See, Bev and I watch trashy TV on Thursdays (all I’m going to say is that Survivor rules and you drool), and often there is popcorn involved. Shortly after our movie-going revelation, I decide to buy some jalapenos just for the Thursday occasion. I buy a little glass jar for $4, and bring it on over.
Survivor is on. Eye’s glued to the TV, my hand reaches for some popcorn, grabs some jalapenos, and crams the whole thing in my mouth.
Lesson learned: Jalapenos come in different degrees of hotness. Good to know.
I will not give up! So, I go back to the store. There, beside the glass jar are two teeny, tiny cans of jalapenos: one labeled “mild”, one “hot”. Mild is obviously the way to go. But these bad boys are $4. For a tiny can!
Screw that, I say. (Out loud, causing a few heads to turn.) I bet I can find a big can at a wholesaler. So over to the wholesaler I go, where you can buy a giant can for $6! And there is only one small problem.
The heat level is not indicated on the can.
It’s a $6 ante with a 50% chance of winning. I’m not normally a gambling person, but this is one bet I feel comfortable making. I purchase my can, and head on home. Immediately I open that sucker up, and bravely pop a pepper into my mouth.
I come to about 10 minutes later, curled in the fetal position on the kitchen floor, can opener still clenched in my right hand.
Lesson learned: never test pepper hotness when you’re alone in the house. It’s also a good idea to be seated.
So now I have a lot of pickled jalapenos at home. How many, you ask? A little under 7 pounds. I basically have a new born baby worth of jalapenos.
Now the question is, do I give up my search for the perfect, mild, jalapeno to accompany my popcorn? Do I admit defeat, and save this as a treat to be enjoyed only at the movie theatre? Or, do I keep looking? Never give up? And risk needing to purchase a second fridge to house my new hot pepper collection?
Popcorn Whoosh © Art Inspirations on Flickr
Jalapeno Madness © Sarah Gignac