When you truly think about it, is one day really enough to honor someone that is responsible for your existence? Without this feminine force, where would you be? Sure, a male “y” chromosome was thrown into the mix to determine your gender, but it didn’t stick around to make sure you were fully developed. It was Mama that kept the monthly doctor’s appointments to make sure your brain was intact and you had ten fingers and ten toes.
I have a friend who would beg to differ. He feels that his mother is a waste and is of no value to him because she wasn’t there to hear him recite his first Sunday school verse from memory or teach him how to ride his first bike.
You see, shortly after he was born, his mother developed a drug addiction. He was taken from her after her arrest and was sent to live with his paternal grandmother. He was 15 when his mother was released from prison and he fought to stay with his father’s family. His decision to stay with his “real family” broke her heart because she truly loved him and wanted to have a renewed relationship with him. And that brings him pleasure. To this day, he is still estranged from her and feels no need to know anything about her.
After hearing his story for the first time, I had to spend my two cents. I empathized that it was unfortunate that he didn’t have the opportunity to bond with his birth mother, but there was a strong feminine presence there to teach him the ways of a well mannered child. He agreed. And then I threw him a curve.
I looked in the eyes and said, “I love children dearly, and would do anything to help one, but I am childless by choice and have never had the desire to have a child. What if your birth mother and paternal grandmother had my point of view?” Wow, what if my own mother had “my” point of view? My curve had quickly become a boomerang. It was in that moment that my appreciation for motherhood and all that it represented was elevated to the 10th degree!
In reflection, one day out of 365/366 days hardly seems like enough time to come to a level of appreciation of how you got here. And it certainly isn’t enough time to contemplate the worth of your birthing vessel. So take as much time as you need to forgive the birth mothers that don’t act in the manner in which you think they should or tell you they love you. Why? Because you are here, having a human experience, even if she didn’t give you the one you think you deserved.
But it’s not too late; when you become “adult” enough you can do all of those things for yourself, and doesn’t that beat the alternative?
Photo Credits:
White Heart, Creative Commons
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I agree wholeheartedly! It’s like we forget the soul agreements we make before we get here. To reframe and heal both himself and his relationship with his biological mother, all he had to think about was the love it took for a soul to agree to fulfill that teaching — as much as my friend with an autistic downs syndrome son who weighs 200 lbs and whose developmental stage is 2-3 years old and so when he slaps because he’s aggravated, she has to gently reprimand him and move on — yea, that much.
There’s a version of the Bible in which I once read a scripture that said, “The taking of offense rests in the bossom of the stupid one.” I know we all behave ‘stupidly’ at times, but mom’s deserve the most grace of all. Breathe…and forgive…it’s that simple.
Great article by the way. Even gave me ‘goosebumps’ a time or two:)