Have you ever heard the sound of a vehicle approaching and known instantly who it was?
It was one of the hottest mornings I had experienced in the summer months of July in a very long time, and the nervousness, anxiety and excitement filled only my being it seemed, because the world outside was calm. I could hear the others starting to slowly move about, getting ready for our day together. I lay there listening to the crackle of the fire, spending those last moments of this morning watching my children sleep peacefully and then I could hear him approaching.
I instantly lost focus. My heart started beating faster, so fast it was more of a rapid flutter than a beat at all and felt my face flush. I had spent hours in that truck to know what the sound of it would be like, and he had returned like promised before the day had even begun. We had spoken previous to his leaving about his prior business commitments and he promised he would take care of what he needed to and return immediately. I sat up. The other women began their preparations for the day. The smell of sage began to fill the tipi and the low murmur of the camp fully awake now was able to be heard. Frequent laughter surrounding us all, but all I could hear was his truck. Now let me explain. This was no time to lose focus, more than any other situation in my life this was the moment I needed to have my head on straight and my thoughts clear. Somehow in that haze of a fluttering heart and loss of concentration I was more focused than ever before.
I began to wake my children up; “Bella, Nate, it’s time to get up and get ready” and they both shot up out of sleep, filled with excitement. Looking around the tipi, we all were spread out much like the blankets are for a giveaway ceremony, each of us in our precise spot with our things surrounding us. Shawls, dresses, towels hung up on the tipi poles and our bins of what we deemed as necessary next to us. There wasn’t much talking, each of us getting dressed and preparing for the day, helping one another if asked, my thoughts booming although my voice remained silent. Ringing out loudly in my head “maybe it isn’t him, it is too far of a drive for him to be here already, he must have driven all night.” Could it be true? I mean seriously was this happening, I had never had this kind of support in my life from someone, no one has ever made what I thought to be of the utmost importance, to be just as important to them and here I sit listening to this truck approaching trying to talk myself out of this reality. It wasn’t just that he made my heart go pitter patter; it wasn’t just that he made my skin flush, it was deeper than that. It was that he believed in me and what I was doing and the reasons behind my reasoning. He gave me confidence to make up my mind on the suffering and he promised me when I made that decision he would be right there to support me. I sat there for a while, helping my children get dressed, watching the other women take care of what they needed too, contemplating what the day would bring us all, but never once did I lose that sound.
Finally the truck shut off, it didn’t make a difference I already knew that with that sound brought my source of confidence, my hope at true love. I prolonged stepping out of the tipi as long as I could, taking time with each movement I made and being exact and purposeful with each thought and prayer I began. When I could no longer avoid facing the new day, my reality, the truth of not just this moment but also the early morning sun, I took a deep breath walked towards the door and stepped out into the beginning of a new me. Once outside the tipi I looked around and watched the dragonflies as they had already begun dancing for the day, slowly moving my eyes toward where I knew he would be. Although I should not have been surprised when confirming that the sound I had heard was him, I still was. My heart fluttered again and my face flushed at the sight of the truck and within that truck a promise had been kept and was being fulfilled and the only real confirmation I needed for all of this was the ability to hear a familiar sound.