B. F. Skinner’s famous theory states that determination derives from positive reinforcement.
This suggests that we perform better at a task when we expect to get something out of it. However, more recent research suggests that this isn’t the case.
At least, not when it comes to long-lasting impact, determination and motivation. To develop the sort of determination that lasts, your reward must stem from an internal source.
James Garbarino of Loyola University Chicago demonstrated this when he asked a group of sixth-grade girls to try to teach a new game to a younger child. He promised each girl a ticket for a free movie if she did a good job.
He also asked another group of students if they’d like to try their hand at tutoring, but he said nothing to these girls about a reward. They would be doing it only because they volunteered to do so.
Garbarino wanted to know which group would teach more effectively. B. F. Skinner’s theory would suggest the first group would work harder and faster. Yet what actually happened was that those girl offered a movie ticket took longer to communicate ideas, got frustrated more easily, and ended up with pupils who didn’t understand the game.
Whereas the girls offered no reward performed better in all these areas.
More striking than this, these girls viewed the activity as something they would like to continue doing in the future.
Passion is an Inside Job
To some degree, everyone is on a pursuit of passion.
- You want a job you’re passionate about.
- You want to be in a passionate relationship.
- You want to wake up each day feeling passionate about the life you’re living.
Yet, how often do you turn to the outside world to find this? How often do you seek positive reinforcement, rewards, and accolades to feel worthy, wanted and appreciated?
Instead of taking responsibility for your own passion, you expect someone or something else to create it for you. Well, this places a lot of pressure on that someone or something. In fact, you may begin to blame them or the situation for feeling the way you do.
Worse, you may lose sight of what you actually wanted in the first place…
As Harvard University social psychologist Teresa Amabile put it, “We look to those extrinsic pressures and say, ‘That must be why I’m doing this.”
- You turn up for your job each day because of the money and promise of a promotion.
- You stay in your relationship because your other half is there for you and buys you presents.
- You wake up each day happy because you’re surrounded by “stuff” you’ve bought over the years.
The problem with this is, it distracts you from what you actually want; you miss out on the mission.
The Passion Paradigm Shift
We meet a lot of people who sigh deeply and say they’re looking for their passion…
… something to set their souls on fire!
But they never find it. Why? Because passion doesn’t come from finding it “out there”.
Passion is an inside job.
Many people think that passion produces commitment. In other words, if you find a job you’re passionate about, you’ll fully commit to it, make lots of money and gain authority.
It’s the other way around.
Passion does not produce commitment.
Commitment produces passion!
Once you give yourself to a person or a project, you become passionate. Your commitment fuels a devotion and a passion that lasts long after the average person has given up. Artist, scientist and inventor Leonardo da Vinci possessed unquenchable passion because of his commitment.
“Obstacles cannot crush me,” he said. “Every obstacle yields to stern resolve. He who is fixed to a star does not change his mind.”
This is the passion paradigm shift that can change your life. Instead of pursuing your passion and looking to the outside, you take control of what you have control over: your commitment to a cause; your effort.
A burning commitment lights the fire of purpose and passion, and a soul on fire like this empowers us to be bold. It’s what causes us to face our fears and propels us forward when other people have given up.
It’s what keeps us going even after failure. It’s what moves us ahead in the face of criticism or embarrassment.
Why Your Fear Holds You Back
Ever met someone who seems like they’re waiting for a “lucky break”? Maybe you are that someone. Maybe you catch yourself saying something like:
- It will all be better once I gain my next promotion.
- If we make it through these next six months, we’ll be happier.
- I can’t possibly be satisfied until I achieve [fill in the blank]…
Life doesn’t just fall in your lap like this. Truly happy, content and successful people face the same struggles as everyone else. The difference between them and most people?
They’ve discovered the risk-taker’s advantage.
The risk-taker’s advantage is about being bold, taking action and facing risk head-on. It isn’t about impulsiveness or carelessness; ego nor bravado plays a role.
It’s all about taking and embracing calculated risks. Such risks invigorate your soul and expand your life to become unswervingly authentic.
Or, as the French author André Gide said, “Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.”
Fear holds you back. It prevents you from taking the risks you need to. It keeps you safe, inside the bubble you created. It’s impossible to pursue passion when you confine yourself like this.
How To Overcome Fear and Finally, Fully Commit!
One of the best anecdotes to overcoming any obstacle was penned by a nineteen-year-old sophomore, Kent Keith in 1968. While attending Harvard College, Kent gave more than 150 speeches at high schools, student leadership workshops, and student council conventions.
His fascinating journey taught him alot. Yet when one of the biggest patterns he noticed is that students would often give up as soon as they faced difficulty or failure.
“I saw a lot of idealistic young people go out into the world to do what they thought was right, and good, and true,” recalls Keith, “only to come back a short time later, discouraged, or embittered, because they got negative feedback, or nobody appreciated them, or they failed to get the results they had hoped for.”
To help his students overcome this and develop the perseverance necessary to navigate life, he created the ten “Paradoxical Commandments.”
- People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered. Love them anyway.
- If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives. Do good anyway.
- If you are successful, you win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway.
- The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
- Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway.
- The biggest men with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men with the smallest minds. Think big anyway.
- People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs. Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
- What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway.
- People really need help but may attack you if you do help them. Help people anyway.
- Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you have anyway.
As the cliche goes, “A long journey begins with a single step.” These commandments are often that first step you need to take.
If you want to live a passionate life, you first must find something to commit to. Once you fully commit, passion inevitably follows.
Yet committing to what you need to is hard because your fear keeps you playing it safe.
You need to step beyond this. You need to take that risk. You need to persevere through hardship and failure.
Luck will not find you. You will not stumble upon the perfect life. You must step beyond and outside your bubble… go find it!
Most people never will, which is why most people struggle to find their passion.
In work.
In love.
In life…
To help you take control and change the inner self-talk that holds you back, you may like to take this Free Assessment we’ve prepared for you. It will show you how to destroy your toxic self-talk so you can overcome your fears and take the next step you need to take.
Photo Credits
Image by Jill Wellington from Pixabay
Guest Author Bio
Dr. Les Parrott
#1 New York Times bestselling author Dr. Les Parrott (HealthyMeHealthyUs.com) is a psychologist and author of best-selling books include Love Talk, The Good Fight, Crazy Good Sex, and the award-winning Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts. His work has been featured in the New York Times and USA Today and on CNN, Good Morning America, the Today Show, The View, and Oprah. Les also helps people revolutionize their relationships with the Free Self-Talk Assessment. Recent Guest Author Articles:
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