Blanche Axton is a dog lover and has been her whole life. She is a dog trainer, a dog rescuer, and an ambassador for all things dog especially her dear Pugs. There are lessons that only our dogs can teach us if we are willing to listen. They teach us at every stage of their lives. Watching them leave us is never easy. Blanche was kind enough to share somehing she has learned with me and I think it’s important. So I am sharing Blanche’s words with you. Thank you, Blanche.
When you live with dogs as intimately, constantly and consistently as I do, you are aware of times when you forget they are dogs. Sometimes the realization that they are, in fact, dogs is a delightful reveling in their incredible senses. Sometimes it is a punch to the gut. Lately, my reminder that they are dogs has been of the punch in the gut variety.
I have multiple dogs. And my crew lives together happily and without conflict. And I have had a lovely pug gent named Tank for 6 years. He came to me at 8.5 in terrible shape, having been re-homed several times, struggling with yeast infection, allergies, hypothyroidism and a criminally high dosage of prednisone. He came to me a smelly mess and has been a long term project. However, he has also been a sterling example of just how fine a dog a pug can be. Tank is everything I love about pugs. He is smart, relatively biddable, affectionate and, on occasion, bold. He has outstanding dog sense. He has been my constant helper in my fostering work. He immediately fit like a glove with my group. In fact, he became the dog that the others looked to for guidance, protection and comfort. I’m not a “pack theorist”, but I’d be lying if I said that Tank didn’t exert some sort of benevolent control over the rest of the group. Emphasis on the word benevolent.
Tank has always been closest to my eyeless female pug, Hazel. They were the June and Ward Cleaver of my crew. Always close together, always pug buddies. He has helped raise many foster puppies and overseen the care and loving of my son—who is his most treasured human.
Tank is now 14 years old. I never thought he’d live this long given the shape in which he came to me. But we battled his issues and, for the most part, won. He’s been a healthy guy for quite a few of his 6 years with me. And now……now we are dealing with Canine Cognitive Dysfunction.
CCD is a bitch. I hate it. And I’ve dealt with it before. It can be the downside to having dogs live into old age. Like us, they can end up with the dog version of alzheimer’s. And when I see the first signs of it, then I know I’m on the short road and that I need to relish every day and keep my eye on the quality of life and not the quantity.
Tank has deteriorated over the last year with one health issue after another. None of them serious in and of themselves, but I know the beginnings of a cascade failure when I see it. He has begun to space out more, be less involved, sleep more, engage less. And so I knew we were short timers, Mr. Tank and I.
And the gut punch realization of just how short our time is came today when Hazel attacked Tank and chased him from the room. He didn’t see it coming and neither did I—although I should have. One of my other dogs, my Japanese chin, has been trying to bully Tank since the dementia started. But Hazel has never shown this until today. And I knew. Tank has become “Other”. He is the Not Dog now. My dogs no longer see him as a viable part of the group. I’m not sure they even see him as a dog—hence my use of words like other and not dog.
My first emotion upon seeing Hazel growl and chase Tank away from sharing a bed with her (something they have done for the past 6 years) was horror. My second emotion was anger. My third was sorrow. My dogs know that Tank is at the end. I didn’t know we were there yet, but they knew. They sense that he is now beyond their ken. No longer Tank. He is the Not Dog.
And so to my great sorrow, I will let the old man go with whatever dignity I can give him. I will cherish this tremendous soul and his great character. And to my great regret, I forgot that my dogs are dogs and their response to Tank is neither aberrant or awful. It just is. They know in that intangible and mystifying (at least to me) way that he is done. He has served his purpose. They no longer acknowledge that he is of their world and chase him from it.
These are dogs. They have their own ways of being in the world and I forgot that. I will not be angry with Hazel or Meesh for their rejection of Tank. It grieves me. It humbles me. And it reminds me that while I know a great deal about dogs, I don’t actually know all that much.
How I will miss my old man who has traveled many roads with me, emotionally if not physically. I will keep him safe until the end and I will let him go with great sadness, but much thankfulness for the lessons he has taught me….even at the bitter end when he is Not Dog to my others…..
Photo credits –
All photos – Blanche Axton 2007-2013
Guest Author Bio
Blanche Axton
Blanche Axton has been involved with dogs her whole life-from the dogs her family raised and showed to working with canine rescue as an adult. Over the years, she has trained some of her dogs in agility, tracking, herding and therapy work. She volunteered as a therapy dog evaluator with Therapeutic Paws of Canada for several years.
Blanche currently coordinates Pugalug Pug Rescue, fosters pugs and sits on the Board of Directors. She also fosters for an all breed rescue called Speaking of Dogs. She currently works as a trainer at DogGone Right! in Toronto, Ontario.
More on dogs and loss: The Delicate Art of Saying Goodbye to Our Dogs
Visit the Canine Nation website for more articles, podcasts, and ebooks on dogs and how we live with them.
E says
Thanks for this although it breaks my heart! I have an old dog too and have noticed that my young dog seems more aggressive towards her as she becomes more fragile. But “not dog”? How to live with this?😞
Teddy says
Lovely article, Blanche. You said it all.
Karen Cole says
Blanche, that was a wonderful article. We just lost one of our guys, Joe. He was a rescued dog and we don’t know his exact age but we think around 16 or 17. For his last few months, our other dogs didn’t want to be around him. Joe mostly slept but they wouldn’t even go near him in the short intervals that he was up and about. When he was up he seemed to spend a lot of time staring at the wall. I felt really bad but your article has explained a lot. Thank you so much.
Sophia says
Oh hell! Now I’m blubbering, remembering all the times I had to play God too.
Cathleen says
Blanche, this is a keenly insightful article as well as heartbreaking. Thank you for sharing and wishing you strength and courage. Blessings on your llittle Tank…
Lisa Smith says
Beautiful words Blanche. I have seen it as well, and it tears me up inside. Why do dogs live such short lives but still have to die old?
Leanne says
Thank you so much, Blanche. I totally understand how you are feeling, we just said goodbye to our Golden Retriever last week. Scout was a true companion and he grew up with my boys. I met you this summer at Brenda and Doug’s and know how much you mean to them and all the pugs that you rescue.
Blanche Axton says
Gabi–you most definitely were not imagining it. While it isn’t an every day occurrence, I’ve seen it more than once and happens to dogs with seizure disorders more than most other dogs. I’ve known several dogs that would be attacked by the other dogs in the home if the first dog seizured.
Louise says
What a heart wrenching but also heart warming article,Blanche. Your strength, knowledge and good heart is really admirable. Thank you for sharing your experience and much love to you, the rest of the crew and to sweet, handsomeTank who is no longer a prisoner in a body that no longer works for him. xx
Gabi says
This is the first time I have read something about this subject and as sad as it is, it is comforting in a way to see someone else has experienced this same phenomenon, that I wasn’t imagining it.. We had two dogs that were best best best friends. Loved each other. One of them had a brain tumor and seizures, started losing his mind. A few weeks before we let him go, our other dog, his best friend, totally shut him out. Would snap at him anytime he can near. Ignored him completely otherwise. He knew he was not the same friend he had known, that he was already fading and in his mind he was already gone. Such a sad but at the same time fascinating process to observe. So sorry for your loss of Tank. It is never easy.
Tanya says
Thank you for sharing, Blanche. Those words have much wisdom. ((((hugs)))) to you during this time with Tank.
Maggi Burtt says
Oh, Blanche. What a wonderful piece and so very true. Heartbreaking to get it that clearly from the others that Tank is “not dog” but I’m sure clarifying and helpful to making the “when” decision. I will miss the Tank stories. Hugs.
Eric, thank you for letting Blanche share.She, and her dogs, are as awesome in person as they are on the web.
Maggi
Blanche Axton says
And Maggi and her animals are no slouches in the awesome department either!